Something for offend just about everyone

[44INAROW]

This is done with humor as the intent.. I hope no one takes real offense ** and I know I have a typo in the heading but I can't change it lol

Something to offend everyone...

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

Wha t's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A nor thern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this $h**..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

[raider red 2000]

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

this offends me

[raider red 2000]

i forgott to add that this was pretty darn funny.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by raider red 2000
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

this offends me

hhmm and you are soon to be a "newlywed"

[pirate44]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

ill never eat another krispy kreme for the rest of my life.
thanks alot

[SPF25]

Originally posted by 44INAROW

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

Sorry Hunny! lol

[District303aPastPlayer]

that was some pretty funny stuff

[Old Green]

I just got slapped brcause of the Comparison of a Harley and a Hoover Vacuum.

[44INAROW]

this was my favorite one
"What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes"

[sahen]

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

for some reason i thought this was really funny...i dunno what that says about me....