Post a GOOD joke here....

[AP Panther Fan]

Since I don't have any good ones and could use a grin or giggle this morning.....

[LH Panther Mom]

When wr!t!ng someth!ng, always use an exclamat!on po!nt where there !s a lower case "i" to make !t look as though you are wr!t!ng !t ups!de-down.
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Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
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Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does.(This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
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Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
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While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
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Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
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Insist that your e-mail address be zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com or mailto:Elvis_the_King@companyname.com>
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Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
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Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
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Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
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Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
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Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
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For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel. If no one notices, ditch the snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.
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Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc. in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
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Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
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When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
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Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
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Practice making fax and modem noises.
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Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
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Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
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Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
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Dont use any punctuation
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As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
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While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
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At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
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Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
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Stomp on plastic ketchup packets.
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Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
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Honk and wave at strangers.
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Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
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TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
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type only in lowercase.
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"What?" "Never mind. It's gone now."
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Sing along at the opera.
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Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
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Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

(May have been posted before.)

[HighSchool Fan]

i think this has been on here before

[AP Panther Fan]

Thanks LHPM!

Here's one all of the "multiple" moms should be able to relate to.

Parenthood: Changes with Each Baby
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities
-1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

[CHS_CG]

Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.

do you know how many people REALLY do that. When I worked at McDonalds people did that all the time. You answer the intercom thingy "thank you for choosing mcdonalds how can i help you?" and you get, "I need to put an order to go." you just wanna say DUH ITS THE DRIVE THRU! lol

[pirate44]

Hillareous. SPF25 is gonna love these AP

[CHS_CG]

-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy

haha.. NOT.. i hate maternity clothes...

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate44
Hillareous. SPF25 is gonna love these AP

Watch out, Pirate44 Jr. may be an only child!

[HighSchool Fan]

Red Ears

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a b!tch called back."

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
haha.. NOT.. i hate maternity clothes...

LOL...just save them and remember....


-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

[TheDOCTORdre]

A wife walks in the kitchen and sees her husband holding a fly swatter. She asks him, "Why are you holding the fly swatter?" The husband says, "I'm killin' flys." She asks, "Well, have you killed any yet?" He says, "Yep, three males and two females." The wife, puzzled, says, "How can you tell what sex they are?" The husband replies "Well, three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone."

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
Red Ears

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a b!tch called back."

LOL

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
LOL...just save them and remember....


-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.


:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

2nd one is A LONG time away.. probably wont be a 3rd.

[District303aPastPlayer]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
2nd one is A LONG time away.. probably wont be a 3rd.

you do know that Old Navy has some maternity clothes.. i bet that they would look nice... ive never seen em though

[Bubba-Joe]

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from this evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years.. ."