Dirty old man

[Gsquared]

Sly Old Dude
>
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000
and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
thevery same question. She replies, "I guess about 29."
"Nope, I'm 47."
Now, she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
onher way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints
and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but, thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I
was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and
begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay,...how old am
I?"
He completes one last squeeze of , removes his hands, and
says, "Madam, you are 47."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could youtell?"
The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"No, I won't get mad", she says.
He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

[Ranger Mom]

LOL!!

This is an old one, but for some reason G2's joke reminded me of it!


A lady in her late 40s went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon. "All these years everything's been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems.

First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

[pirate44]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
LOL!!

This is an old one, but for some reason G2's joke reminded me of it!


A lady in her late 40s went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon. "All these years everything's been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems.

First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

ROFL

[Gsquared]

I like it!

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, went to a sex therapist's
office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raised his eyebrows, but he was so amazed that this elderly
couple would be asking for sexual advice he agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanked them for coming,
wished them good luck, charged them $50 and sent them on their way.

The next week, the couple returned and asked the sex therapist to watch
again.

The sex therapist was a bit puzzled, but agreed.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple made an appointment,
had intercourse with no problems, paid the doctor, and then left.

Finally, after six weeks of this routine the doctor said, "I'm really
puzzled and I must ask, just what are you trying to learn from these
sessions?"

The old man replied, "We're not trying to learn anything. Edna's married,
so we can't go to her house. I'm married so we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. If we have sex
here, it costs me $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."