Where are they now: The Krunknation B team Blasters

[GreenMonster]

I've been wondering what happened to Poliosis and the rest of the guys. Do they play football or are they strictly gym rats? The Krunksters rock and were always a highlight of my day.

[Matthew328]

EC_Wrekkas on theoldcoach message board posts a weekly update for the football version of the krunk nation I'll see if I can dig up some reports.

[Matthew328]

Week 0

Last night in A Town the 2009 version of the Krunk Nation wanted to announce their prescence with Authoritie. Well, friends and neighbors, they did just that. They loaded up the Yellow Krunk Wagons and headed north to get it on with the bearkitties and came back victorious with a dominating 6-0 win.

It should be noted that the amount of pure krunk on this year's Nation is off the charts. This is the first time that a member of the Krunk Nation is a seed of a Krunk Nation member. Oh yes. It's true. Playing lock down corner for the Nation is none other that Lerxst' oldest stallion. Word to wise for the rest of the season. If you want to take a ride on the Pain Train go at Lerxst' boy.

Enough of this fluffery and hyperbole. On to the game. The Krunk Nation was sans its QB last night as the legacy was going at both ends so they went with the capable backup. No worries. Ram Rod's Krunk Out defense said "Jump on our backs. We'll take you to the promised land." They made that statement and they followed through with it. In series after series of this Old School slobberknocker the Krunk Out stymied A Town's offense. Soccer Boy was a little flustered without his normal starting QB so at half time we had us a good old fashioned defensive struggle and a 0 - 0 ball game.

Soccer Boy may be retarded, but he's not stupid so he made some halftime adjustments and it showed. They went to the air early and often by going High Definition or HD on the cats. HD hauled in several balls and with his lack of blazing speed was able to turn huge gains into merely first downs. Soccer Boy's Krunk Raid offense was hitting on both cylinders and were finally able to get inside the five. At that point he handed it to the krunkest mug on the field and he paydirt. Of course the extra point was missed in true B team fashion and the score stood at an almost insurmountable 6-0. For the next quarter and a half the Krunk Out defense continued to demoralize A Town. The final score was definitely not indicative of the total azz whuppin that The Nation put on A Town. Also in total Old School fashion the Krunk Out Defense locked arms with Ram Rod (obviously paying homage to the first leader of the Nation's defense The Jigga) and as they walked off the field in unison they chanted "All you Krunks spank that azz. Spank that azz."

Next week the Nation will take another roadie as they travel even farther north to get em some mildcat.

In Other Action Last Night:

A Team - There was so much electrified Krunk in the air from the Nation's game that the A Team had a one hour lightning warning. Unfortunately that was the high point of the game and Chetters first game as a father was unsuccessful. L 6 - 30

Stupor Sophs - With Chopped Liver roaming the sidelines the offense was obviously due for some fireworks. The bad thing is that it wasn't last night. The good thing is that they have much room for improvement. Stupor Sophs loose a celebrity cramp a thon 0 - 24

JfV - Once again good news bad news. The bad news is that the JfV took up where they left off last year. The good news is that........... well I guess there isn't any good news. JfV loosed 6 - 36.

[Matthew328]

Week 1

Well boys and girls last night will not go down in the anals of Krunk Nation history as one of their great nights. The Nation took the second roadie in as many weeks and it didn't turn out so well as they took a 32-0 stove piping at the hands of the Mildcats.

The Krunksters, due to the long trip and a misinformation campaign from a former Loin showed up too early and from appearances had a raging case of OK or Over Krunk. As we all know B Teamers are like microwave ovens. They heat up fast, but often leave cold spots all around if not stirred. Well when they showed up with close to an hour to warm up the microwave that is pre game got them way too hot in places and OK occurred. Basically every bit of their Krunksicle melted off and it wasn't pretty. It was truly a sad sight. The Legacy was back at QB. Wrekka had healed some other ailing Krunksters so they appeared to be at full speed. Once again this may have been a case of too much Krunk and when there is too much Krunk it looses its power. Soccer Boy's vaunted Krunk Raid offense was stymied. Ram Rod's Krunk Hole defense was basically just a hole. Sports fans there is no way to polish up this turd. It was 14-0 at half and the final ended up 32 House. I guess the best part of last night was Lerxst got his post game pickle.

Next week the Nation will burn the Wood and take yet another roadie.

In other games last night:

A Team - For the second consecutive week the electrified Krunk in the air left over from The Nation caused a lightning stoppage. This time the game did not resume but with Chetters up 14-12 at the time of the stoppage we'll call it a Dub Ya.

Stupor Sophs - Offense still hasn't scored a TD this year, but Tommy Tomp's defense was lights out. They recover a fumble and take it to pay dirt. SS's when 8-6.

JfV - The amount of sucktitude is getting lower every week. Unfortunately it's not low enough. Loose again 20-14.

[Matthew328]

Week 2

The Krunk Nation made their third consecutive roadie last night and they almost put themselves into the record books. The took the Krunk Wagon to Brown County and fell behind by 20 early in the 3rd quarter. In what was shaping up to be one of the greatest comebacks in the history of B Team football the Nation cut the lead to 20-12 late in 4th only to fall short and finally loose by that same score.

Those of you who have followed the Krunk Nation for loe these many years know that Brown County has been the site of many moments of Krunk Nation lore. There was the time that the Krunkster got some Brown County "Skanks" phone number. There was the time that Nation went down there only to score with the defense. There was the mastery of the Jigga's defense as the Loins were shut out. So we all knew that there was bound to be something amazing happen on this trip as well.

The game started out badly for the Ram Rod's Krunk Hole defense as they gave up a couple of scores early and trailed 14-0 at half. Also there was a Krunkster ejaculated in the first half for giving a Loin the business. As we all know special teams with the B team is like Plutonium. It can work for you or it can explode in your face. Both times the Loins scored in the first half the Nation kick return went to the wrong end of the field. Since Lerxst was on the sidelines I will blame him. Soccer boy's vaunted Krunk Raid offense was also stifled in the first half and most of the third.

At this point in the game (down Twenty to House) one would normally think that the bus needed to be warmed up and the yard bird eaten but that's not the way the Krunk Nation was thinking. The Krunk Raid finally got on track and punched one in. Extra point was missed 20-6. Here comes the Plutonium theory. Onside kick. Recovered. The Krunk Raid is energized now. The Nation drives down and punches another one in. Of course they missed the two point conversion. No word on whether or not Soccer Boy ran the counter on the goal line. At this point the Krunk level is off the chizarts. This is looking like Buffalo-Houston '92 or Boston College-Miami '84. The Nation onside kicks again but they don't get it this time. No biggie. The Krunk Hole bows their neck and makes the Loins go 3 and punt. Time is winding down. They need a miracle. Soccer Boy calls for the bomber. The Nation receiver is WFO. Clutch the jewels! Could it be? AHHHHHHHHHHHH. He falls down! He falls down. After that deflating moment the Krunk Raid couldn't muster anything else and the final is 20-12.

Next week the Nation gets a much needed week off before starting district in two weeks with their home opener.

In Other Games Last night:

A Team - Chetters can't get of the schnied. Looses 26-18

JfV - In what has become a trend for the third straight week the leftover electrified Krunk in the air after the Nation game caused a lightning stoppage. JfV was up 14-6. So we're going to call it a when. This is the theory we're following here When you're struggling you take what you can get.

Stupor Sophs took the week off in honor of Tommy Thomp becoming a father for the second time.

[Matthew328]

Week 4

Last night in the most anticipated home opener possibly in the history of the state of Texas the Krunk Nation got it on with those pesky horses from the field of Men. The Krunk Raid offense performed admirably, but unfortunately the Krunk Hole defense was not up to the task and the Horses opened up their own can of Krunk on The Nation. The final score was Horses 35 and Nation 16.

As we all know the Nation has been on a looong road trip with their first three skirmishes of the year away from the friendly confines of the Krunk Dome. Last night, in addition to being the district opener, it was also the Krunk Nation's triumphant return to the Krunk Dome. At game time there were literally tens of dozens of screaming Krunk Nation fans in the stands and the surrounding areas. The Ville took a page from Jerruh Jones and sold Krunk passes. These are passes that allowed fans to enter the Krunk Dome and just mill around during the contest and possibly watch the game on the big screen hung from high atop this palacial venue.

The game started late as most B team games are prone to do. This time instead of it being caused by the late arrival of the Horses the striped shirt bastages (who were exceptionally crappy last night by the way) would not start until their full three man crew showed up. It's B team for God's sake. Be happy if you're not calling the game by your own d@mn self. I digress. Since the game started late that didn't bode well for the Nation. You see Krunk is like pure Alcohol. It's very powerful, but it also evaporates at a high rate of speed. Those precious seven minutes waiting to start the game the Krunk level went from 123.6% down to about 15%.

After a botched onside kick to start the game the Horses took exactly three plays to punch it in on the Krunk Hole. Undaunted the greatest B team quarterback to play the position since his brother (aka the Legacy) took the Krunk Raid and answered the score with a score. Also the two point conversion was converted. The Nation had a lead at 8-6 that they would hold until the second quarter. The Krunk Hole defense bended and only occasionally broke and the score stood at 12-8 Horses at halftime.

During the third quarter the wheels fell off the Krunk wagon. The Horses scored again and then on the ensuing drive the Legacy went pick six and a once close game suddenly was a blowout. In the fourth quarter the Legacy threw another TD pass and also converted the two point conversion but it wasn't enough. The Horses take the district opener 35-16. I will have to do a little research, but this could be the first time in the history of the Krunk Nation that they actually converted 100% of their two point conversions.

Next week The Nation will once again be in the Krunk Dome as they get it on with the Rabid Forest Dogs also from the Field of Men.

In Other Games Last Night:

A Team - Chetters won 33-6, but in the end was much more excited that his offense was actually able to go on 2 without getting a procedure penalty.

Stupor Sophs - A 14-12 lead at halftime evaporated. Tommy, City, and Chop take the pipe. Loosed 26-14.

JfV - K Dub dropped a deuce on em. Two points that is. Loose 19-2

[Matthew328]

Week 5

For the second consecutive week the Krunk Nation had a home distict game in the world famous Krunk Dome. Home game or not the Nation went down in defeat. This time by a 20-6 score to the rabid forest dogs from the Fields of Men.

The Forest Dogs outnumbered and out sized the Krunk Nation, but as we all know it's not the size of the dog in the Krunk. It's the size of the Krunk in the dog. Early on this game was a slobberknocker as both teams defenses were able to force snaps over the QB's heads and dropped balls in open field with no one around. About mid way through the first quarter the Forest Dogs went old school Bobby Bowden and ran a double reverse fake punt to jump start their offense. They scored on the Krunk Hole a few plays later. 6-0. The Krunk Raid offense was completely ineffective in the first two quarters and at half time the score stood Forest Dogs 20 Nation 0.

In what was shaping up to be a running clock game after the 20 spot in the first half the Krunk Hole finally cinched up their chin strap and started playing a little ball. Lerxst's seed the Pain Train executed a perfect open field tackle as he threw all 94 pounds of his fury into it. There were knocked down passes. There were QB sacks. It was almost as if the Krunk Hole knew what they were doing. Soccer Boy even got the Krunk Raid offense going as little legacy hit an open receiver who actually manged to not drop the pass thrown right to him and the score stood at 20-6 going into the fourth quarter. In the fourth the Krunk Raid moved the ball, but couldn't ever punch it in. As the final seconds ticked off the Nation dropped to 1-4 on the season and 0-2 in district.

At the end of the day when Wrekka reflected on what he had seen it can best be described by comparing that game to bad porn.

Minimally talented little known participants
It lasted just a little bit too long
Sporadic action
The money shots were never very good
Ends with a thud instead of a bang
You had to watch it because there was just nothing better to do

Next week the Krunksters will load of the Krunk Wagon and travel to the new palace in Hooterville.

In other action last night:

A Team - Chetters had no answer for the amount of shake and jam that Forest Dogs posessed. Lost 28-16

Stupor Sophs - The electrified krunk in the atmosphere delayed their game but Tommy, City, and Chopped kept the boys focussed. Won 20- 6

JfV - Do you believe in unlikelyhood? YES!! JfV, for once, snatches victory from the jaws of defeat. They score late to win 28-26

[Matthew328]

Week 6

Sports Fans we have reached that point of the football season where Krunksters from across the state have their fancy turn to just about anything that isn't football related. As such the Krunk Nation was supposed to get it on with the pesky night birds last night. The night birds slung em up early in the week so the Nation was faced with the possibility of an open week. Never fear TD (of old school days) called up and said he had a squad that wasn't very good and was willing to travel and consequently the Nukular Kitties took a roadie from The Rose to play in the Krunk Dome.

In what will go down in the anals of B Team history as one of the more high scoring affairs this contest is already being referred to as "The shootout at the D Bag corral". As we all know B team football is known for it's hard nosed defensive slobber knocker style. This game could change the way people think about B team football for years to come.

Soccer Boy's Krunk Raid offense was literally a rolling ball of butcher knives. The only thing that stopped it was itself aka Self Stoppization. The problem was that Ram Rod's Krunk Hole defense was basically just a hole. The kitties only had two peoples that touched the ball on the night, but they made hay when they did. Every time that the Krunk Raid would score the kitties would answer. Everything on the offensive side was working for the Krunksters even the onside kick as they recovered two of those. The Krunkstest mug on the team scored a couple of times. Legacy scored one and slung it for another. It's just that the Krunk Hole was as effective as an old rubber that has been carried around in your wallet for a couple of years.

Wrekka upon hearing the final score said to Papa "TD is a liar. He said that they were sh***y." To which Papa responded. "They are, but we were sh****er." And there you have it. After the game a couple of Krunksters decided to go MMA style with some Krunk on Krunk violence, but since we've already established the fact that they didn't hit anyone on defense during the game this match was no different.

Next week the Krunksters have another non district skirmish since E Block is their usual bunch of beaches after grades come out. The Nation will be back at the Krunk Dome against the snakes from T Town.

In Other Action Last Night:

A Team - It was definitely an offensive night for the frosh. Chetters outscores the night birds 34-0

Stupor Sophs - Hitting the B gap from a 7 tech will leave a big hole in C gap. Sophs loose to the Hellians 14-8

JfV - The JfV unleashed the hounds on the Night Birds. Running clock the ENTIRE second half. Whenned 49-0

[GreenMonster]

Thanks for the updates Matt, ain't nuthin better than a little B team Blaster action to brighten ones day. Getcho Krunk ON!!!!

[Matthew328]

Week 8 Update


For possibly in the first time in seven years Da Wrekka is at a loss for words. How does one describe the same beating every single week? The Krunk Nation has lost for the seventh consecutive time. In this day of the modern warrior who in The Nation will step up to stop this debacle of a season? Legacy? Pain Train? Someone else? At this point the only thing left to play for is pride as all hopes of making the B team playoffs went out the door after the latest arse whipping that they took. The Nation took a roadie to G Town last night and after a decent start eventually the inevitable happened and the final was 34-6 in favor of G Town.

It started out as a good old fashioned slug fest last night with both teams going mano y mano as G Town scored first and then the Krunk Raid answered with a score of their own. 8-6 G Town early on. Then the total lack of a. aggression, b. love of the game, and c. general football savy reared it's ugly head as the Stove Piping began. It was 20-6 at half time and the second half brought more of the same as G Town scored at will to run the score to it's final 28 point margin.

While discussing the Nation's seven game loosing streak the much maligned Krunk Hole defense was maligned even further. The following statements were made:
"Wouldn't hit a biscuit."
"Couldn't bust a lick of the snake."
"Lovers not fighters."
"Couldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight."

It's a sad sad day in Krunk Ville when the once storied Krunk Nation program has fallen so far. The rumor in the blogosphere is that the jigga himself is making a road trip to The Ville to get this year's Nation straightened out.

Next week the Nation plays it's final game in the Krunk Dome for the '09 season as the get the mild cats from the mid cities.

In other games last night:

A Team - Chetters opens up a can. Whenned 27-8

Stupor Sophs - Nothing like a little home cooking. Tommy, City, and Chop roll 34-18

JfV - Dub was worried about this one. Why? No idea. We went Johnny Running Clock in the second half. JfV spanks G Town 47-12.

[wildstangs]

Awesome. We have had a bit of success against the ville this year at the junior high level, winning both 8th grade games. Hopefully continues tonight.

Ok, back to downlow retirement for me.

[Matthew328]

Last night was the final appearance for Krunk Nation v 7.0 in the Krunk Dome and they were trying to salvage any shred of dignity by avoiding a winless home season. The Nation played their little hearts out and in the end had a chance to shower with their sister and get a tie, but the kitties from the other SHS scored late and subsequently ripped the hearts out of the tens of dozens of Krunk Nation fans.

The first half started out very similar to a football game. There were defensive stands on both sides, a few big offensive plays, decent special teams. I'm not bullschnicking you either. These guys actually looked like they knew what they were doing. After the first quarter we were locked up like two dogs in a ditch at 0-0. At half time it stood at 6-0 kitties. It shood be noted that in the first half the seed of Lerxst (Pain Train) absolutely decleated, flat backed, slobber knocked, crippled, crumbled, (fill in the blank football adjective) some poor kitty on an interception return.

In the second half the Krunk Raid offense got cranked one up and punched in a score. The all important two point conversion was missed and we stood at 6-6. The Kitties got the ball back late in the fourth and drove down inside the 10. With time running out the Krunk Hole who had previously been bending instead of breaking went the way of the Bay Bridge and just went ahead and broke. Kitties score with under a minute and that was all she wrote.

Krunk Nation finishes its season in the Krunk Dome winless. Next week they will make a roadie to C town to get it on with the Iggles and hopefully pick up book end dub yas for the season.

In other games last night:

A Team - Johnny Running Clock in the fourth. Wednesday couldn't understand why. Chetters said that he was on a need to know basis. Loosed 40 something to 12

Stupor Sophs - Snapped it off on the Kitties in a quagmire 30 sumpin to 6.

JfV - Dizzle also picked up a victory in the mud pit then came home and flooded the equipment room to celebrate.