Going to War without France is like...

[Pudlugger]

a Texas barbecue without a croissant...
...Marine Boot Camp without your Liza Minelli records...
...the ninth inning without your placekicker...
...the Normandy invasion without Yves St. Laurent..
...firing up your computer without a virus...
...holding a bachelor party without the bride...
...crossing the Sahara without a fishing pole...
...wearing a Speedo without suspenders...
...drinking iced tea without e-coli...
...a Vegas showgirl without her construction boots...
...attending a movie without five screaming babies...
...eating biscuits and gravy without snails on the side...
...the Republican Convention without Barbra Streisand...
...going swimming without your anvil...
...going to war without Germany...
...eating a bowl of tomato soup without chopsticks...
...visiting the pyramids without your snowshoes...
...attending a golf tournament without your 50-states
shotglass collection...
...going on your honeymoon without your mother-in-law...
...climbing Mount Everest without your submarine...
...a normal war. 'nuff said.
fromLes Jokes (http://www.victoryvillage.com/STINKS/Fjokes.htm)

Feel free to add your own, :D :D :D

<small>[ March 09, 2003, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: Pudlugger ]</small>

[Phil C]

Being at a high school football game without Jane Fonda singing the National Anthem.

[turbostud]

Whats the shortest book in the world called? French War Heroes.

[Billy Boy]

turbostud:
Whats the shortest book in the world called? French War Heroes.I think it only had one name in it. eek!

[Old Dog]

A copy was never sold outside of France!

[Matthew328]

Going to war without France is knowing you'll win..geez what is those guys record in wars?? The only war they've won was WWI...still gotta thank em for their help in the Revolution though..LOL

[turbostud]

THE COMPLETE MILITARY HISTORY OF FRANCE

GALIC WARS- Lost, in a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, the Italians.
HUNDRED YEARS WAR- Mostly Lost, Saved at last by a schizophrenic female who inadvertenly creates the First Rule of French Warfare. "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman".
ITALIAN WARS - Lost, France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
WARS OF RELIGION- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
THIRTY YEARS WAR- Mostly Lost, France is technically not a participant but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
WAR OF DEVOLUTION- Tied, Frenchman take to wearing red flower pots as chapeaux.
THE DUTCH WAR- Tied.
WAR OF THE AUGSBURG LEAGUE/ KING WILLIAMS WAR/FRENCH AND INDIAN WAR- Lost but claimed as a tie, Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period the height of the French military power.
WAR OF THE SPANISH SUCCESSION-Lost, The war also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborourgh, which they have loved every since.
AMERICAN REVOLUTION- Depends on who you talk to, In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gualle Syndrome" and leads to the second rule of French Warfare. "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
FRENCH REVOLUTION- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
THE NAPOLEONIC WARS- Lost, Temporary victories(remember the first rule)due to leadership of a Corsican,who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
FRANCO PRUSSIAN WAR- Lost, Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WW1- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the U.S. Thousands of French women find out what its like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesnt call her "Fraulein". Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WW2-Lost, Conquered French liberated by the U.S. and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
WAR IN INDOCHINA- Lost, French forces plead sickness and take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
ALGERIAN REBELLION- Lost, Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non Turkic Muslim force since the crusades, and produces the first rule of Muslim Warfare, "We can always beat the French". This rule is identical to the first rules of warfare of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Esquimaux.
WAR ON TERRORISM- Lost, France keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese Ambassador fail after he takes refuge in McDonalds. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should NOT be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us".---George Orwell.

[Jacket2000]

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows, it's never been done.

For sale on Ebay: One French Legion Rifle; never been shot, dropped once.

J2K

[sinton66]

Going to war without France is like playing a big rock concert without an accordian. :D