Is it my place????

[Ranger Mom]

I have a nephew who had a foot removed above the ankle when he was born. He also only has a pinkie and a thumb on one of his hands. (He had a condition called amniotic band syndrome, where his limbs got caught up in the fluid bands in utero and basically just cut them off).

Anyway....he will be 12 in July and is the strongest kid I have ever seen. He has had many surgeries to "shave the bone" that tries to grow from the stump of his leg. After a surgery he hops around on his other leg - EVERYWHERE...or propels himself with his arms.

When we were visiting one time I saw him kick a football. I was in shock!! I told my sister when he gets in Jr. High, she needs to make sure he is in sports. (Unlike me, she is NOT a sports fanatic, and hasn't enrolled him in any kind of sports program, she will just wait until the school pays for it).

I haven't seen him throw a football, but my boys were playing baseball with him and my oldest was catching. My son said he threw the ball so hard it hurt and his hand was red when he took his glove off.

I guess basically my question is....how can I make sure a coach sees the potential in him? They live in Midland. I worry over the fact that even though he is so athletic, he won't be pushed at home to try!

[Buckeye80]

All you can do is sit and talk to him as an aunt. And "yes" it is your place.
I'm not saying that his parents do not want what's best for him, they may just be caught up in the past twelve years of raising (very difficultly) a handicapped child. I think they always will view their child as "handicapped" and are sometimes over-protective through no fault of their own.
If I were you, Ranger Mom, I'd point out some role models to him like Neil Parry from San Jose St who lost part of his leg and returned to play a few seasons later with a prosthetic leg. Tell him about people like Casey Martin who fought and won the right to play on the PGA Tour despite limited use and the eventual loss of one leg. Tell him about Jim Abbot, who pitched in the Major Leagues with one deformed arm. Tell him about those guys that play "wheelchair basketball". They can't walk OR run, but I wouldn't play any of them in basketball. There are thousands of examples of people who ignore their handicaps and do what they have always dreamed of, despite what others may say.
Most importantly, you will probably be the voice of encouragement for him. It's obvious that you love him and want what's best for him, so be there for him when he decides. And as for the coaches; the Midland area is full of good, student-driven coaches. My guess is that they'd welcome a student athlete regardless of any physical limitations he may have. If the kid is truly an athlete, then that will shine through long before anyone notices his handicap.

[BrahmaMom]

What a great aunt you are! In addition to the other suggestions, all very good ones, offer to go talk to the coaches with your nephew. And don't forget to support your sister. After all they've been through, it has got to be a scary thought to put him at the mercy of others in a game that can be brutal. I never wanted any of my children to play football, it terrified me. I wanted to forbid it. After two difficult football related surgeries and rehabs, it puts such fear in my heart when my sons take the field, I don't breathe until they are off the field. And I pray the entire time they are on it. That must be a tiny portion of the fear and protection that your sister and her husband must experience. Your nephew deserves a shot, he sounds like a strong young man. And we know what confidence and values team sports teaches. He is very lucky to have you as his aunt and advocate. God bless.

[Ranger Mom]

Thanks!!

I have to tread ligthly with her. She is 2 years younger than me but has lived a way harder life than I ever have.

Anytime something doesn't go right for Cody (my nephew) his daddy says, "he was premature"!! I finally lost my cool and yelled, "he was premature when he was born...he's not now!!"

My fear is that his parents (and I do understand their concern) see his handicap as a liability. In my opinion, it has really turned out to be an asset to him. (This is where our personalities differ - optimist vs. pessimist).
He has a prosthesis and you would never even know it if he has pants on. He can outrun any kid on his block. He is so strong because of the way he hauls himself around if he isn't wearing his prosthesis. The muscles on him just amaze me.

If he lived in Greenwood it would be different. I know the coaches here well enough to talk to them about it. I still have another year though, he has a late birthday and my sister elected to hold him back when he was 5 another year before starting school. He is in the 5th grade now, so I have an entire year to convince her to convince him that he needs to at least try everything!!

[sinton66]

I think the best approach is to initially let Cody do the pushing for it if he is interested. His parents will never accept it unless he insists on it himself. Once Cody is convinced, it will get easier to convince his parents. That's where you come in, once he informs mom and dad, then you should chime in with support for his decision.

When I was a Scoutmaster, we had a kid in our Troop that was a severe asmatic. So severe, that he usually ended up in the hospital a couple times a year with it. His mom and dad were very protective and didn't want him doing the physical activities. His mom was totally against him going to summer camp with the Troop. They knew he would never live past twenty. Someone in their family wisely convinced them that they needed to let the boy be a kid. Even at summer camp, the other kids in the Troop would carry him piggyback to the events and merit badge classes so he wouldn't get over-stressed. The adults in the Troop sat up with him many nights, saw to it he took his medications on time, and helped him get through the "rough spots". He made it all the way to "Life" rank, one step short of "Eagle" before he died at the age of 14. The entire Troop, kids and adults alike came away richer because of his involvement. Where there is a will, there is a way. wink

<small>[ February 29, 2004, 07:41 AM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[BrahmaMom]

And this is why Sinton does so well in sports, they give it all they've got. I will keep you and your nephew in my prayers.