silly jokes

[pirate4state]

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.

She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags . I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said . 'Just get out . '

**************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.

That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.



:D :D :D :D

[BILLYFRED0000]

A blonde walks up to a wide fast river. She notices another blonde on the other side and waves.

The other blonde sees her and waves frantically.

How do you get to the other side the frantic one calls.




The answer.......


You are on the other side duh!

[waterboy]

Magic Mirror

There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think I am the thinnest person in the world." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror "I think I am the prettiest person in the world" and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.:D

Visit the Sun

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all working for NASA, were trying to figure out where to go on the next trip.

The brunette said, "We should go to Mars."
The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon."

The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!"

The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"

The blonde said, "DUH... Not if you go at night!" :p

[waterboy]

A Couple More Blonde Jokes....
------------------

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''

The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
------------------

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''

The blond yelled at the doctor...
''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''
------------------

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."

"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"


:D

[OldBison75]

A woman with a love of shopping at garage sales met her husband at the door one afternoone all excited. She told him she had bought a magic mirror that day.

Her husband was furious and started telling her how she had been gyped and that she should take the mirror back and get her money back.

She said that she could prove the mirror was magic and took him in the bedroom where the mirror was leaning against the closet door. She said " Mirror, mirror on the door, make my breasts a 44." Immediately there was a flash of smoke and her brests grew very large.

Her husband was amazed and said he wanted to try that. He stood in front of the mirror and said, "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my pecker touch the floor."

His legs fell off!!!!!

[BILLYFRED0000]

If a man is in a forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him........




Is he still wrong?