that's how the fight started

[IHS Fan]

One year, a husband decided to buy his
mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need
you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************** **********************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something
shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.
'I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started.....

************************************************** ***********************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....

[OldBison75]

I once walked into the house after being out with friends and my wife was not happy. I said, "Hello dear!" To which she replied, "Screw you!" I immediately started back out the door and she asked where I was going and I told her that I was going to find someone to do what she said. And that's how the fight started!!!!!!!!!!!

[CHS_CG]

After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply of social security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my drivers license to verify my age, i looked in my pockets and realized i had left my wallet at home. I told the woman I was very sorry but I would have to go home to get it and come back later. The woman said "unbutton your shirt" so I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair. She said thats proof enough for me. When I got home i excitedly told my wife about the experience at the office. She said "you should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too"

and then the fight started


Saturday morning i got up early, quitely dressed, made my lunch grabbed the dog and slipped into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceededto back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so i pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quitely undressed and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered "The weather terrible out there" My loving wife of 10 years replied " can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that"

And then the fight started


I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his card. You know how sometimes you just get sooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I coudlnt believe it, the other driver was a DWARF!!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted "I AM NOT HAPPY" So I looked down at him and said "well, then which one are you?"

and then the fight started

[zebrablue2]

:clap:

[gobbler grad]

a couple of good ones there...:D :D :D

[lakers]

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy Crap! That must be my husband!"

So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah, well then, why were you running?"

And that, folks............is how the fight started.

[lakers]

And When The Fight Started

For guys missing that "little voice" inside called "discretion". In many cases, these quotes are also a response to the question, "What were the victim's last word's?".

1. "Don`t you have some laundry to do or something?"
2. "Ohh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off."
3. "You`re just upset because your a$$ is beginning to spread."
4. "Wait a minute...I get it. What time of the month is it?
5. "You sure you don`t want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"
6. "Sorry. I was just picturing you naked."
7. "Whoa, time out honey. Football is on."
8. "Looks like someone had an extra bowl of B%#$* Flakes this morning."
9. "Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?"
10. "Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain`t loaded."

[Farmersfan]

What do you do when your ex-wife is standing in your front yard with a bullet hole in her chest?????


You shoot her AGAIN!



Little Tommy and little Anne were playing in the sandbox one day and they started to argue. Tommy said, "My daddy can whip your daddy"!. Little Anne said, "No, my daddy can whip your daddy!". "Well," said little Tommy, "My mommy is prettier than your mommy"!. "Not true," screamed little Anne. "My mommy is way prettier". Totally frusterated by all this little Tommy suddenly yanks down his pants and shows his (censered) and says, "Well I got one of these and you don't".... Little Anne jumps up and yanks down her pants and screams back, "Well I got one of these and with one of these I can get all those I want"!!!!!