Colon Cleansing Diet

[Bullaholic]

Read on my friend's blog that he is trying the colon cleansing routine and diet. Wonder what folks think about this stuff---I don't think I will ever try it---I'll just take my chances with the ol' system the way it is for now without self-inducing the "scours", thanks. :D

[44INAROW]

no thanks - the "pre'p" for a colonoscopy was plenty - thank you very much :eek:

[crzyjournalist03]

I've thought about it as an easy way to trim a couple of inches from my waistline in a couple of weeks.

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
no thanks - the "pre'p" for a colonoscopy was plenty - thank you very much :eek:

Oh yea---drank that gallon of cherry flavored saltwater down, waited about a half-hour and said-------"Man, this stuff ain't---Ahhhhhhh wooooorrrrrrkkkkkinnnnnnnggg--get out of my way".

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Oh yea---drank that gallon of cherry flavored saltwater down, waited about a half-hour and said-------"Man, this stuff ain't---Ahhhhhhh wooooorrrrrrkkkkkinnnnnnnggg--get out of my way".

no joke, when they tell you to eat "light" the day before - they know what they are talking about :D

[Old Dog]

The experience reals makes you look forward to the next 5 or 10 year interval (whichever you MD recommends).

Even with state employee insurance it was quite expensive.

[jason]

Originally posted by Old Dog


Even with state employee insurance it was quite expensive. cant you just do it yourself for free with waterhose.....

wait, nevermind......


:eek: :eek: :eek:

[TRENCHES06]

www.colonblow.com

works wonders.

[vet93]

Colonics and colonic cleansing diets have been around since the turn of the century...the scientific evidence does not support the rationale behind these diets. If they cause anything more than temporary "water" weightloss it is probably due to some kind of calorie restriction which is the basic principle behind any diet. The secret...as much as I hate to admit it...is portion control for long-term sustained loss.

[pancho villa]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Oh yea---drank that gallon of cherry flavored saltwater down, waited about a half-hour and said-------"Man, this stuff ain't---Ahhhhhhh wooooorrrrrrkkkkkinnnnnnnggg--get out of my way".

That was a bad day in the life of Pancho!

[KingRob]

Originally posted by TRENCHES06
www.colonblow.com

works wonders.

LOL! Packs a one-two punch! I want one of the T-shirts! Flush Twice @ Colonblow!

[44INAROW]

Those "Testimonials" are quite interesting......... mercy :eek:

[DDBooger]

Taqueria's always clean me out! :)

[STANG RED]

I recently received an email that fits perfectly in this thread. Very funny.

The author, Dave Barry, is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist
for the Miami Herald.
September 5, 2008

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,
'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP MY BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say
that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't
thought of this , but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. You want me to turn it up?, said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over,
and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominantly male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!’
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left handout...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!’
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

[Heffelfinger]

I hurt myself laughing at that one. Thanks, Stang Red!

[UPanIN]

Originally posted by pancho villa
That was a bad day in the life of Pancho!


:ditto:

[Farmersfan]

Originally posted by TRENCHES06
www.colonblow.com

works wonders.


Narcissistic tentencies exist even in product developement. Any hope for a successful product has been killed by the dang name. How would you write a commercial:


#1.
"For a mild and gentle relief of constipation we recommend COLONBLOW!!!!!!!! Made from secrets passed down from the Nordic Vikings who believed that honor meant dying in battle or bowel evacuation, whichever came first."

#2.
"Ever have one of those days when you feel a little........less regular???? Well BLOW IT OUT with Colonblow.............
(Warning: Side effects to include massive blisters and over taxed sphincter muscles.......)"

[Texasfootball2]

Originally posted by STANG RED
I recently received an email that fits perfectly in this thread. Very funny.

The author, Dave Barry, is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist
for the Miami Herald.
September 5, 2008

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,
'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP MY BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say
that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't
thought of this , but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. You want me to turn it up?, said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over,
and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominantly male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!’
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left handout...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!’
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

Some to add to the list:


"Hey Doc, go ahead and use two fingers so I can say I've already had a second opinion".

"Hey Doc, why don't you tell me what I'm thinking while your in their".

[crzyjournalist03]

"geez Doc, now I understand how my wife feels"

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by crzyjournalist03
"geez Doc, now I understand how my wife feels" :eek: :eek: :eek:

[gibby]

Stang,
I havent been on the board for a while, but i'm glad I did.
That was a hoot!

[turbostud]

Just eat 2 apples and drink a V8. You will be running for the toilet within an hour.