Bringing someone home to die

[kepdawg]

Has anyone ever had to do this?

(When there is nothing else the hospital can do)

[waterboy]

Yes.:( My mother. It didn't dawn on me that I was taking to her home to die, but in hind-sight, deep down I knew.

[IHS Fan]

not to my home but my sister-in-law did that for my oldest brother. it wasn't the easiest thing to do but it was the best thing to do.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by kepdawg
Has anyone ever had to do this?

(When there is nothing else the hospital can do)

Thank God I haven't had to do that and I hope I'm never in the position, but if I am, I hope I am strong enough to do it. A lot of the times, Hospice is called to assist with the final days and they are a great organization (for the patient as well as the family and friends)

[Looking4number8]

Okay this makes me tell the story of my mom.

My mother was truly a great and wonderful woman. I really don't think there was one person that did not just love and respect her. She was good in every way!


So three years ago, my mom had not been feeling great for several months. She had been to the doctor several times and he really did not know what was wrong with her. So on a Friday the doc said he was just going to put her in the hospital and run all the test to figure out what was wrong. Mom and Dad went to the house and got everything she needed for a several day stay in the hospital.

Well about noon on the following Tuesday I got a call from my Dad. He said the doctor had been in that morning and told them that mom was "eaten up" with cancer. He said she had no more than two weeks to live. He told them she could stay in the hospital, go to nursing home or go home. Anything she wanted because there was absolutely nothing they could do. Mom's response was "no way I'm going back home. Newell (my dad) would kill me even quicker there with his cooking"

I went straight up to the hospital. Mom says "Hi hun, how are you?" I asked her if what was going on and she said "nothing, just didn't get the best news from the doctor today. I guess that the way it is though." Mom never got down, attitude was great, loved all the visits from everybody until the very very end!. She also told me later in the week if she had to choose a way to die, "this would be it"


Well for the first week she still felt about the same. Got a little weaker every day but still was alert and perfect. The thing was in that week, her hospital room had more people coming in and out than Walmart. Dad said he felt like a Walmart greeter. Everybody that left would always comment to us on how awesome she was and such great spirits. In that week, almost everybody she had ever known came to visit. She loved it and greeted everyone with a beautiful smile (especially the young ones). I told her once that if she was really dying she ought to act sick. She told me "I will act sick when I got sick, honey".

The next (and last) week she got a little weaker every day. Not as many visitors but still a very busy hospital room. I went up to the hospital room on Saturday morning and she looked happy but pretty weak. I stayed and hour or so and went home to clean the house staying by the phone. About 11 that morning dad called and said my brothers and I needed to get up to the hospital. I was there in just a few minutes.

Mom had faded a good bit but was still very alert. She told me then that she still was not in any pain, just very weak....... I told her 'Mom, you may feel weak but you are the strongest person I will ever know". My dad, my brothers and myself were there holding her hands when she died.....with a sweet smile on her face.


So to answer your question, no I have never brought someone home to die but only because my mother did not want Dad to live in a house where there was that kind of sadness. My Mother was a God loving wonderful person that will never be replaced. She was awesome and a lot more than I deserved. (Dad is incredible still today)


Sorry the story was so long but my mother deserved it and more. Also thanks for letting me tell it and re-live some really special time with my mother thru you guys.

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by Looking4number8
Okay this makes me tell the story of my mom.

My mother was truly a great and wonderful woman. I really don't think there was one person that did not just love and respect her. She was good in every way!


So three years ago, my mom had not been feeling great for several months. She had been to the doctor several times and he really did not know what was wrong with her. So on a Friday the doc said he was just going to put her in the hospital and run all the test to figure out what was wrong. Mom and Dad went to the house and got everything she needed for a several day stay in the hospital.

Well about noon on the following Tuesday I got a call from my Dad. He said the doctor had been in that morning and told them that mom was "eaten up" with cancer. He said she had no more than two weeks to live. He told them she could stay in the hospital, go to nursing home or go home. Anything she wanted because there was absolutely nothing they could do. Mom's response was "no way I'm going back home. Newell (my dad) would kill me even quicker there with his cooking"

I went straight up to the hospital. Mom says "Hi hun, how are you?" I asked her if what was going on and she said "nothing, just didn't get the best news from the doctor today. I guess that the way it is though." Mom never got down, attitude was great, loved all the visits from everybody until the very very end!. She also told me later in the week if she had to choose a way to die, "this would be it"


Well for the first week she still felt about the same. Got a little weaker every day but still was alert and perfect. The thing was in that week, her hospital room had more people coming in and out than Walmart. Dad said he felt like a Walmart greeter. Everybody that left would always comment to us on how awesome she was and such great spirits. In that week, almost everybody she had ever known came to visit. She loved it and greeted everyone with a beautiful smile (especially the young ones). I told her once that if she was really dying she ought to act sick. She told me "I will act sick when I got sick, honey".

The next (and last) week she got a little weaker every day. Not as many visitors but still a very busy hospital room. I went up to the hospital room on Saturday morning and she looked happy but pretty weak. I stayed and hour or so and went home to clean the house staying by the phone. About 11 that morning dad called and said my brothers and I needed to get up to the hospital. I was there in just a few minutes.

Mom had faded a good bit but was still very alert. She told me then that she still was not in any pain, just very weak....... I told her 'Mom, you may feel weak but you are the strongest person I will ever know". My dad, my brothers and myself were there holding her hands when she died.....with a sweet smile on her face.


So to answer your question, no I have never brought someone home to die but only because my mother did not want Dad to live in a house where there was that kind of sadness. My Mother was a God loving wonderful person that will never be replaced. She was awesome and a lot more than I deserved. (Dad is incredible still today)


Sorry the story was so long but my mother deserved it and more. Also thanks for letting me tell it and re-live some really special time with my mother thru you guys.

:weeping:

thanks for sharing. that was a very touching story.

my dad spent a week hooked up to respiratory machines before i was finally ready to honor his wishes. he never wanted to be hooked up to machines, but if anyone has ever been in this position, you know how hard it is to let go.

what made the decision to pull the plug "easier" was the fact that he signed a living will stating that and repeatedly told us he DID NOT want to be hooked up to machines.

i just needed time to come to grips with it and it also gave his family time to make arrangements.

about 5 minutes after the doctors turned off the machines he was gone.

the hardest part was not being able to talk to him one last time. the last conversation i had with him was the day before he went into respiratory arrest. i didn't like the way he sounded and wanted to come home, he kept telling me no that he was fine and that if i wanted to i could come home (I was living in Garland) on the weekend. LOL. i said, "dad i'm not really not asking for your permission" and he said, "i don't care, i'm still your father and you will do as i say!" haha

it will be 8 years this august and the memory of standing in his hospital room saying good-bye is still so vivid. it's crazy what your mind holds onto.

[44INAROW]

:weeping: :weeping: Rita and Looking - both sad stories but it's good therapy to talk about these things. My sweet, wonderful dad literally "dropped dead" one day - no warning at all. He officiated a playoff game 3 nights before with no problems (other than the banged up knees he always had lol) We went to the Cuero vs Marble Falls game in Austin that Saturday night. He taught school that Monday, came home, ate supper then started throwing up and he and mom just thought he had a "bug". Ironically my 17 year old son happened to be sick that day with a "bug" and dad taught him 1st period so it was logical to think he caught the "bug" from him. He layed down and went to sleep and about midnight mom realized he wasn't breathing -she called EMS and our family doctor, who lived 3 houses down and he was there immediately and began CPR but it was too late.

Talk about a shocker. Our doctor told us that night he knew I wouldn't understand this at the time, but Daddy went the way "he wanted to go" quick and no suffering. We didn't do an autopsy so we dont' know exactly but it they think it was either a heart attack or a carotic anurism (sp). It sure is hard on the remaining family and friends but easier on him than being hooked up to tubes and not knowing what's going on for who knows how long. That was Thanksgiving week Monday and we buried him at 9:00 am on Friday - we had a playoff game in San Marcos at 2:00 and he would have been the 1st person to say "let's get this show on the road, we gotta game to get to" That's the year we lost to SLC in a close game that we should have and could have won gggrrrrr
Kep, I am curious, is someone near and dear to you ill right now? If so, I hope and pray for them :(

[kepdawg]

Originally posted by 44INAROW

Kep, I am curious, is someone near and dear to you ill right now? If so, I hope and pray for them :(

My uncle brought home his dad yesterday.

[DaHop72]

My dad fought prostate cancer three different times over 17 years. The last time it came back he decided that he didn't want to go through all that he had been through the other times. As he got weaker and weaker he and my mom made the decision that he would die at home and not at the hospital. They brought two hospital beds and put them together in the living room and that's where they stayed. I was very apprehensive at first as to how my mother would be after the fact but knew it was their decision not mine. We were all able to say our good byes and he hung on until my mom told him that we would take care of her and that it was okay for him to go. He went into a coma shortly there after and slowly wound down very peacefully until he passed away. My mom stayed in their house for six more years until she felt like it was more than she could take care of and moved to senior housing. I know it isn't for everyone but if you can have a positive experience of someone passing away at their home, we did.

[kepdawg]

Originally posted by kepdawg
My uncle brought home his dad yesterday.

My uncle's dad died at home today.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by kepdawg
My uncle's dad died at home today.

sorry Kep -

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by kepdawg
My uncle's dad died at home today.
:( I'm sorry to hear this - your family is in my prayers.

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by kepdawg
My uncle brought home his dad yesterday.

so ur grandad?

[Sweetwater Red]

Originally posted by kepdawg
Has anyone ever had to do this?

(When there is nothing else the hospital can do)

My mother. She had a "catastrophic" brain anuerysm. She had
made it perfectly clear throughout her life that she did not want
to live on life support. That made the decision to bring her home
not as difficult as it is for some families.

I'll never forget what the neuro surgeon told me when he
concluded there was nothing else he could do. He called me into
a meeting room and told me "Her future is nothing more than
feeding tubes and diaper changes from here on out".:(

[kepdawg]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
so ur grandad?

It's my mom's sister's husband's dad. So no actual relationship to me.

[piratebg]

My great-grandfather and my great-grandmother were both brought home and passed on in there sleep.

[Orange Defense]

Originally posted by kepdawg
My uncle brought home his dad yesterday.

I'm sure sorry to hear of this Kep!!!

Long story short.
I brought my dad home where he died from Cancer. He wanted to be home when he went to meet the Lord. We spent many an evening watching the cows graze cause that what he liked to do. My story is much like Looking4number8's except Dad was home.

VERY touching and moving experience you shared L4N8! thanks for sharing! it brought back alot of Special memories!