Lion_Addict
10-22-2008, 07:05 AM
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she
opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to
drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a
few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she
replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest
nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said,
'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed
heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go
forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it
and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of
you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin
clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me
next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff!
He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the
manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like
you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why
not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I
haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some
of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a
fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull S**t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there..
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of
cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who s**ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep
your mouth
shut!
THUS
ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she
opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to
drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a
few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she
replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest
nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said,
'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed
heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go
forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it
and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of
you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin
clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me
next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff!
He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the
manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like
you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why
not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I
haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some
of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a
fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull S**t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there..
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of
cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who s**ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep
your mouth
shut!
THUS
ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE