Buccaneer
09-21-2008, 10:57 AM
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good
11. Even if you eat well and stay fit, you will die anyway.
12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have
passed.
17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
21. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.
22. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
23. You should not confuse your career with your life.
24. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
25. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
26. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
27. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
28. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
29. Your friends love you anyway.
30. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good
11. Even if you eat well and stay fit, you will die anyway.
12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have
passed.
17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
20. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
21. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.
22. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
23. You should not confuse your career with your life.
24. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
25. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
26. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
27. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
28. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
29. Your friends love you anyway.
30. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.