Friday Police Humor

[Lion_Addict]

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'l l stretch after you wear them a while."

14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."




AND THE WINNER IS....
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here .

[espn1]

Those are the pieces of crap I want off the street. What comes around goes around. Hopefully their Sergeant was all over their a$$. Do your job, be polite and keep your comments to yourself. That kind of crap pisses me off.:mad: :mad: :mad:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by espn1
Those are the pieces of crap I want off the street. What comes around goes around. Hopefully their Sergeant was all over their a$$. Do your job, be polite and keep your comments to yourself. That kind of crap pisses me off.:mad: :mad: :mad:

I thought some were kinda funny!!:)

[pirate4state]

All those cops are short & got beat up on a regular basis in HS! :nerd: :D

[espn1]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I thought some were kinda funny!!:) They were all funny. But they wouldn't be if it happened to me. If I get a ticket, which has been very rare in my lifetime. I just want the ticket and let me get on my way. I don't want some local yocal belching powdered sugar and telling jokes.:D :D :D

[AP Panther Fan]

AND THE WINNER IS....
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here .



LOL....My daughter and two of the other cheerleaders got stopped the other day.

When the policeman asked the girl driving "do you know why I stopped you?" my daughter and friend said "because she was speeding"

He said "no, you just ran that stop sign"....

Not only that, she did not have her driver's license, registration or insurance with her and her inspection sticker was 3 mos expired...

She didn't even get a warning....:vrycnfsd:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
AND THE WINNER IS....
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here .



LOL....My daughter and two of the other cheerleaders got stopped the other day.

When the policeman asked the girl driving "do you know why I stopped you?" my daughter and friend said "because she was speeding"

He said "no, you just ran that stop sign"....

Not only that, she did not have her driver's license, registration or insurance with her and her inspection sticker was 3 mos expired...

She didn't even get a warning....:vrycnfsd:

It's because she's pretty!!:)

[garciap77]

Originally posted by espn1
Those are the pieces of crap I want off the street. What comes around goes around. Hopefully their Sergeant was all over their a$$. Do your job, be polite and keep your comments to yourself. That kind of crap pisses me off.:mad: :mad: :mad:

:eek: :eek: :eek:
Easy! 99% of cops are not like that!

[piratebg]

My old man is a 20yr vet and a traffic officer for CCPD. His favorite sayings are:

"I don't get paid to write warnings."

"You want a warning? That speed limit sign back there was your warning. Sign here."

[Lion_Addict]

Work for the PD here. Got this in an e-mail from one of our officers and thought it was kinda humorous so I thought I'd share. Didn't think anybody would stroke out over it :D

[piratebg]

Originally posted by espn1
They were all funny. But they wouldn't be if it happened to me. If I get a ticket, which has been very rare in my lifetime. I just want the ticket and let me get on my way. I don't want some local yocal belching powdered sugar and telling jokes.:D :D :D


Most of these comments probably came on stops where the driver was being a butt and the officer just went with it. It happens more than you think. :D

[Lion_Addict]

Originally posted by piratebg
Most of these comments probably came on stops where the driver was being a butt and the officer just went with it. It happens more than you think. :D


Agreed......and yes it does.

[garciap77]

Originally posted by piratebg
My old man is a 20yr vet and a traffic officer for CCPD. His favorite sayings are:

"I don't get paid to write warnings."

"You want a warning? That speed limit sign back there was your warning. Sign here."

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[espn1]

Originally posted by garciap77
:eek: :eek: :eek:
Easy! 99% of cops are not like that! It's more like 90%, but even if it was only 1% I'm talking about there's no reason to be easy. There's no room for Peace Officers like them. Get em off the streets.

[espn1]

Originally posted by piratebg
Most of these comments probably came on stops where the driver was being a butt and the officer just went with it. It happens more than you think. :D It doesn't matter. If they need arresting then do it. Other wise keep your mouth shut and write the Ticket. Police Officers with big mouths cause their Department to look bad and also cause harm to their fellow officers.

[garciap77]

Originally posted by espn1
It doesn't matter. If they need arresting then do it. Other wise keep your mouth shut and write the Ticket. Police Officers with big mouths cause their Department to look bad and also cause harm to their fellow officers.

I agree the 1% can make the whole dept. look bad! I read an article this morning (Abilene Report News) about a cop in Winters, TX that is a subject of complaints see link http://www.reporternews.com/news/2008/jul/17/winters-officer-subject-of-complaints/

[injuredinmelee]

Originally posted by garciap77
I agree the 1% can make the whole dept. look bad! I read an article this morning (Abilene Report News) about a cop in Winters, TX that is a subject of complaints see link http://www.reporternews.com/news/2008/jul/17/winters-officer-subject-of-complaints/

yeah this guy seems to be a total tool. I remember reading the initial article about the firework popping family.

However I think every department needs a Vic Mackey!

[Silverback 04]

Originally posted by espn1
It's more like 90%, but even if it was only 1% I'm talking about there's no reason to be easy. There's no room for Peace Officers like them. Get em off the streets.


Dude, lighten up. When a police officer pulls you over there should only be one dialogue in a traffic stop. "Sir, you were speeding, is there an emergency",..... "No sir, no emergency",..... "OK sir, sign here and have a nice day".

If thats all that was said then the cops wouldn't have to come up with smartass comments for us to laugh at on a friday afternoon.

[blowfish]

ESPN1... It sounds to me like you have had a bad experience with an officer sometime in your life. Most of the quotes in that post I have actually heard on the video in training. I will admit that there are some smart a$$ officers out there, but remember the context in which some of this statements are made. Sometimes humor can diffuse a situation. Humor sometimes drives a point home rather than a long lecture about how what they were doing could be unlawful/dangerous. Most officers will show offenders as much respect as the offender will allow them to show. Remember if the officer has someone stopped it is most likely because they have broken some law wheter or not it is a law that you think they should be enforcing. FYI even officers dont like every law that we have to enforce.

[zebrablue2]

Originally posted by blowfish
ESPN1... It sounds to me like you have had a bad experience with an officer sometime in your life. Most of the quotes in that post I have actually heard on the video in training. I will admit that there are some smart a$$ officers out there, but remember the context in which some of this statements are made. Sometimes humor can diffuse a situation. Humor sometimes drives a point home rather than a long lecture about how what they were doing could be unlawful/dangerous. Most officers will show offenders as much respect as the offender will allow them to show. Remember if the officer has someone stopped it is most likely because they have broken some law wheter or not it is a law that you think they should be enforcing. FYI even officers dont like every law that we have to enforce.


:clap: Each sales dept. has 10 % smart butts in it, or for that matter, all jobs. ESPN1, sorry you cannot take a joke. Remember, it is most of those guys and gals that keep us all safe 24-7. They risk their lives each and every day for us, and the way you talk about them is like they were nothing special. Believe me, they are. I feel sad for you because you feel that way.

[espn1]

Originally posted by zebrablue2
:clap: Each sales dept. has 10 % smart butts in it, or for that matter, all jobs. ESPN1, sorry you cannot take a joke. Remember, it is most of those guys and gals that keep us all safe 24-7. They risk their lives each and every day for us, and the way you talk about them is like they were nothing special. Believe me, they are. I feel sad for you because you feel that way. I'm pretty sure that my Insurance rates are as good as anybody's and probably better than average. But if you think that an officer that pulled you over and you asked them to be fair and their response was, " "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." If you think that's ok, then you're a straight up idiot. Sorry! The bottom line is ir's ok to have fun on the job. I wouldn't allow that in my department for one minute. I guarantee you none of those responses were from State Troopers.

[piratebg]

Originally posted by espn1
I'm pretty sure that my Insurance rates are as good as anybody's and probably better than average. But if you think that an officer that pulled you over and you asked them to be fair and their response was, " "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." If you think that's ok, then you're a straight up idiot. Sorry! The bottom line is ir's ok to have fun on the job. I wouldn't allow that in my department for one minute. I guarantee you none of those responses were from State Troopers.


You must not know a lot of troopers. :D

[piratebg]

Originally posted by blowfish
FYI even officers dont like every law that we have to enforce.


That's true. But it is a proven fact that you can tell what kind of day an officer is having by looking at the citatations he has issued for the day. :)

[espn1]

Originally posted by piratebg
You must not know a lot of troopers. :D I know they might want to but I don't think they would! Especially with audio and video.

[piratebg]

Originally posted by espn1
I know they might want to but I don't think they would! Especially with audio and video.


Audio and video are great because you can rewatch it and laugh at it later. :D

[GreenMonster]

My favorite was 13. "If you run, you will only go to jail tired."

[BwdLion73]

espn1...you were doing fine until you said that you guarantee none were from State Troopers!:thinking:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by blowfish
FYI even officers dont like every law that we have to enforce.

Neither do moderators!!:p :p

[espn1]

Originally posted by BwdLion73
espn1...you were doing fine until you said that you guarantee none were from State Troopers!:thinking:
Guarantee is a strong word. Troopers can be just as bad but I think they have a shorter leash. That's what I meant.

[BwdLion73]

I agree with you on that. Better training and background....but still slip in a few butt heads.:eek:

[espn1]

Originally posted by BwdLion73
I agree with you on that. Better training and background....but still slip in a few butt heads.:eek:

10-4 :D :D :D