Bad Jokes that make you laugh

[Curly]

A joke so bad so lame so terrible you just have to smile and maybe even laugh........................

One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper’s house, drinking beer.

They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.

The snail said, “I’d go, but I’m kinda slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go.”

The grasshopper said, “I don’t mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we’ll get sprayed every time we open one.”

So they decided to send the centipede and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.

An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn’t returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.

They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes.

[eppy 12]

Originally posted by Curly
A joke so bad so lame so terrible you just have to smile and maybe even laugh........................

One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper’s house, drinking beer.

They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.

The snail said, “I’d go, but I’m kinda slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go.”

The grasshopper said, “I don’t mind going, but my hopping will shake up the beer and we’ll get sprayed every time we open one.”

So they decided to send the centipede and the grasshopper explained how to get to the nearest liquor store.

An hour or so passed and still the centipede hadn’t returned, so the snail and the grasshopper decided to go look for him.

They got as far as the the front door and found the centipede sitting there putting on his shoes. worked for me:rolleyes:

[Curly]

Why do Ducks lay eggs?

cause if they dropped them they would break!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BAHHAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Curly]

Two blondes walk into a building....
.....You'd of thought one of them would of seen it

[BreckTxLonghorn]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

[Curly]

A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner


The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"


The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"


He says, "Because you're ugly."

[eppy 12]

Originally posted by Curly
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner


The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"


The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"


He says, "Because you're ugly." BOO.......:(

[Curly]

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me.
Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.

"Where the crap have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and...says... "You liar!! You went bowling again!!"

[Curly]

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere and I'm tired of looking for her!

[Bearkat]

Originally posted by Curly
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner


The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"


The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"


He says, "Because you're ugly."


This one made me laugh.:D

[44INAROW]

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Do you want to play a game? See those two rib-eyes nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit one, you get to take them home and I'll give you a free drink."

The man says, "No thanks, the steaks are too high." :D

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A pony walks into a bar and coughs,
"Hey, COUGH. Gimme a bu COUGH a beer COUGH.
The bartender serves him and says,
"What's with your voice?"
The pony says, "Nothing, I'm just a little hoarse." :D :D

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this one made me laugh out loud...


John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Sftball4Life]

Well - OK - you said "bad".....

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking, come on up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard is so blasted that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting and smoking with the monkey in the tree, got too blasted and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check out this smoking monkey so he walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, and he looks up and says "Hey you, monkey!"

The Monkey looks down and says "DANGGGGGG! dude....... how much water did you drink?"

disclaimer: JUST SAY NO

[BILLYFRED0000]

Originally posted by BreckTxLonghorn
How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a Tame rabbit.....

Tame way.

[BILLYFRED0000]

What do you call a ship that is at the bottom of the see and twitches all the time.....





A nervous wreck.

[BILLYFRED0000]

A Zen Bhuddist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and tells the vendor to

" Make me one with everything".

[BILLYFRED0000]

Why don't Blind People Sky Dive.....


It scares the dog......

[BILLYFRED0000]

What washes ashore in a very tiny sea?




Microwaves.......

[BILLYFRED0000]

What do you get when you cross a doctor with a doctor.


A Paradoc's.

[BILLYFRED0000]

What do you get when you cross a doctor with a Mortician.....




A win win situation.

[BILLYFRED0000]

Computer joke......




How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?









None thats a hardware problem.

[Curly]

Originally posted by BILLYFRED0000
A Zen Bhuddist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and tells the vendor to

" Make me one with everything".

NOW THAT'S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT

[BILLYFRED0000]

There was a tragic accident the other day at the budweiser plant.


They were giving a tour of the brewery like they regularly do and one man fell into the brewing vat and drowned. But for the really good part......








he climbed out to pee 3 times.

[STANG RED]

Why do farts stink?






So deaf people can enjoy them to.

[STANG RED]

Whats the difference in a gold fish and a mountain goat?





A gold fish mucks around a fountain. :eek: :devil: :D

[waterboy]

I was having trouble with my computer so I called Eric, the 11-year-old kid next door and asked him over. You know, the kid with the bedroom that looks like Mission Control.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong with my computer?"

He replied, "Oh, it was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Eric grinned and asked, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

I said, "No."

He replied as he left, "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric.....

[GreenGobbla]

Originally posted by Sftball4Life
Well - OK - you said "bad".....

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking, come on up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard is so blasted that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting and smoking with the monkey in the tree, got too blasted and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check out this smoking monkey so he walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, and he looks up and says "Hey you, monkey!"

The Monkey looks down and says "DANGGGGGG! dude....... how much water did you drink?"

disclaimer: JUST SAY NO

haha...i love this one

[GreenGobbla]

a string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. the bartender replied "I cant serve you, your a string!" the string walks out of the bar furious, so he goes behind the bar and starts beating himself up. he was tying himself and cutting off edges and fraying the ends of himself. he then walked back into the bar, and asked the same bartender for a drink. the bartender said "aren't you that same string that i just told i couldnt server?" the string replied "I'm a frayed knot!"