To Sports Parents

[kepdawg]

First, I must acknowledge that I am not nor have I ever been a parent. Second, I must acknowledge that I am not nor have I ever been perfect.

It pains me to think of the scene that may unfold within the next few hours as a young girl returns home from her softball game tonight. It took all the will power I had to sit quietly in front of her father this evening. Softball is a game and whether the young girl succeeds or fails in the game should be insignificant. How she handles her success or her failure within the game; however, is significant. To know how to handle situations, success or failure, on or off the diamond, someone must teach her. It seems only natural to me that the primary teachers in this regard should be her parents. What I heard and observed tonight was truly disappointing. Someone who should lift the young girl up when she is down instead chose to push her down farther. Someone who should love the young girl no matter what time and time again publicly criticized her; there were to be no excuses made on her behalf. Someone who should be a role model and set the example was anything but. My heart truly goes out to this young girl and I can only hope for the best when you get home tonight. To the parents out there - love your kids and support your kids. Set the example so they will know the right way to handle the situations that may come before them. It is hard enough facing the daily challenges presented by life. It only becomes harder when the people that are supposed to be there aren't. Remember it is only a game. Winning and losing isn't important, but preparing your kids to handle winning and losing in the real world is.

That is all. Carry on!

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by kepdawg
Winning and losing isn't important, but preparing your kids to handle winning and losing in the real world is.

:clap: :clap:

[Ranger Mom]

That was beautiful kep.....I see you being one of those "good parents" down the road!

[DU_stud04]

if my kid loses, he's walking home.

:D

[pirate4state]

Nice post. I'm sorry that girl's dad was a jerk! I hope his wife knocks him upside the head. There is nothing worse than adults belittling any child, but incomprehensible when it is their own! :speech:

[nobogey72]

Kids may love baseball or softball or whatever and appear to be eaten up with desire to excel at a sport. But deep down inside, what they desire more than anything else, is the approval and admiration of their parents. Somewhere down the line, that dad will pay dearly for that kind of behavior. I see it every day. In that dad's mind he probably thinks he is driving his daughter to be the best she can be. The truth of the matter is that dad probably couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle when he was her age, and this is his chance to shine, and she is blowing it for him. Don't get me started. There have been about 3 subjects come up this morning already that strike nerves with me and it's not even 6:00. I need to get back to posting about stuff that doesn't make a rat's A$$.

[BILLYFRED0000]

Kep keep that attitude goin. I have raised 4 and helped with a grandson. I still have two young ones myself with 2 out of the house(finally). I am very intense and love sports and love to watch my kids play. I get excited and emotional cause I want them to do well. I have never vented at my kids. I can understand the heat of the moment to certain extent but I could never get pushing the kids down and kicking them. Still don't. I went to a soccer tournament with my little team. Our league rules were different from theirs. We thought we were playing 5 on 5 no goalie but it was 7 on 7 with a goalie. Well Coach tried to talk to them but decided to play. Not bad really just the rules were not posted when we signed up. But we were ok with that.
What burned my butt was during the exchange I was sitting over by the parents of the other team. They were laughing at us and saying what are we doing. We should not even be out there etc.
Then the coaches wife ( I found out who she was because she was very loud) walked across the field and told our coach that it was their tourney and if we did not want to play by the rules we should just take our team and go. They were rude obnoxious and then the coach proceded to GD his kids at least 50 times durning the course of the game. 6 and 7 year old kids. We did not help the cause because we held them to 2 goals and came close to beating them with our guys who "did not know the rules".
I still don't believe that stuff. If any of you see me do that you have my permission right now to hit me over the head with a 2 by 4.

[Rabbit'93]

Good post Kep. I do have to disagree about winning and losing, though.

Winning and losing is important especially between the ages of 7-13. I've always taught my kids that learning how to lose is just as important as winning. Win with humility and lose with pride.

As parents we get caught up in the action and forget we're dealing with kids. I hate to say it, but my oldest has been my training ground. I've coached him from TBall until now (12U). In the early years I was pretty intense. Now we just have fun. That came from him teaching me that it's just a game and he's there to have fun. Nothing more, nothing less. He's a good ball player but an even better kid.

[3afan]

as an ump I have seen and heard some simply amazing things come from the mouths of coaches and parents when addressing their own kids .... I would love to be able to just tell some of them to shut the hell up or leave

if they address the other team's kids, I can put a stop to that and I have before

[DaHop72]

Originally posted by Rabbit'93
Good post Kep. I do have to disagree about winning and losing, though.

Winning and losing is important especially between the ages of 7-13. I've always taught my kids that learning how to lose is just as important as winning. Win with humility and lose with pride.

As parents we get caught up in the action and forget we're dealing with kids. I hate to say it, but my oldest has been my training ground. I've coached him from TBall until now (12U). In the early years I was pretty intense. Now we just have fun. That came from him teaching me that it's just a game and he's there to have fun. Nothing more, nothing less. He's a good ball player but an even better kid. :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[rangerjim]

My daughter plays high schoool softball and I have this this again and again and again - even when I coached 5th through 7th grade teams. My daughter had a game this year where she went 2 for 3 with a strike out against a very tough pitcher. She couldn't understand when I told her I was most proud of her strikeout. She thought of that as a failure - but after being down 0-2 in the count she fouled off 7 pitches and eventually worked it to a full count before swinging and missing. Kepdawg is right on in his post.

Just one question though - how many kids are you going to have Kepdawg?

[eppy 12]

unfortunately we as parents of athletes hear it more than we care to remember, great observation rj:clap:

[3ABirdMan]

I have a new "favorite" saying for the players on my team - "Your last mistake is only as important as the length of time it takes you to get over it!" If you make a mistake, let it go, don't do it again, and you'll be fine, as will our team. If you make a mistake and harp on it, you WILL screw up again, and our TEAM will pay WITH you!

I told the team at the beginning of our year (year-round season) last September - You are 14, 15, and 16 year-olds. YOU know when you screw up - You don't need me to remind you. I try to keep that mentallity at all times, but sometimes it IS hard. We will discuss mistakes, why it was a mistake, and how to do it correctly next time, but we don't belittle. I also ask them to give me 100% of their best effort, and if we get outscored while playing at their 100% level, I can live with it, beacuse we were outscored by a better team. I CAN'T live with performing at less than their best, though, and they know it! THAT is how you LOSE, and I HATE TO LOSE!

Now, for MY daughter! I KNOW what she is capable of, and when she doesn't perform at her best, I WILL get on her butt! The goal is to teach her to do her dead-level best, at everything she does, from academics to athletics, and I ALWAYS remind her it's not about her grade or the score, but about learning to be the best PERSON she can - NOW, it's in academics and athletics, but in a few more years, it will be work and family. THOSE are the two we are practicing for!

I really don't have a hard time with a kid getting their butt chewed out, but when you get done, you BETTER give them the knowledge of how to correct the issue - "Break them down, and build them up higher". What I DO have a problem with is "Break them down, and stop". We've been through 2 years of HS softball with that kind of coaching, and it is hard to swallow. It took me 4 months of the summer last year to rebuild my daughters confidence in herself after the HS coach got through with her. Thankfully, this year, she knew what to expect, and how to deal with it, and I actually think she's better for it, as she displyed in our last play-off game.

I have ALWAYS tried to be the coach that you want YOUR kid to play for. It is NOT easy, and I thank God for letting me be as successful as I have been at dealing with the kids (and their parents lol).

[espn1]

Originally posted by 3afan
as an ump I have seen and heard some simply amazing things come from the mouths of coaches and parents when addressing their own kids .... I would love to be able to just tell some of them to shut the hell up or leave

if they address the other team's kids, I can put a stop to that and I have before I'm split down the middle because I've seen a lot of idiot Umps also.

[espn1]

Originally posted by kepdawg
First, I must acknowledge that I am not nor have I ever been a parent. Second, I must acknowledge that I am not nor have I ever been perfect.

It pains me to think of the scene that may unfold within the next few hours as a young girl returns home from her softball game tonight. It took all the will power I had to sit quietly in front of her father this evening. Softball is a game and whether the young girl succeeds or fails in the game should be insignificant. How she handles her success or her failure within the game; however, is significant. To know how to handle situations, success or failure, on or off the diamond, someone must teach her. It seems only natural to me that the primary teachers in this regard should be her parents. What I heard and observed tonight was truly disappointing. Someone who should lift the young girl up when she is down instead chose to push her down farther. Someone who should love the young girl no matter what time and time again publicly criticized her; there were to be no excuses made on her behalf. Someone who should be a role model and set the example was anything but. My heart truly goes out to this young girl and I can only hope for the best when you get home tonight. To the parents out there - love your kids and support your kids. Set the example so they will know the right way to handle the situations that may come before them. It is hard enough facing the daily challenges presented by life. It only becomes harder when the people that are supposed to be there aren't. Remember it is only a game. Winning and losing isn't important, but preparing your kids to handle winning and losing in the real world is.

That is all. Carry on!
I agree with your post but if you don't live with those people you don't know what kind of support she gets at home. I've found that the kids with parents that support them the least don't even take the time to go to the games let alone take the time to chew them out. Thy just don't care.

[gobblergrangran]

I THINK WE CAN TAKE YOU OFF YOUR LEASH. THIS IS A GREAT POST AND YOUR SINCERITY IS GREAT. I AM A GRANDPARENT AND I HAVE HEARD THESE SAME CRITIQUES BEFORE. NUFF SAID THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE.

[zebrablue2]

Originally posted by espn1
I'm split down the middle because I've seen a lot of idiot Umps also.


ROFL... ain't it the truth... but many more good than bad, thank goodness..

[BobcatBenny]

http://bbs.3adownlow.com/vb/images/emots/popcorn.gif

[Gobbla2001]

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...

And I'm pretty sure her dad could hit a bird in the ass with a sunflower-seed from 30 yards out... you don't even KNOW!

you guys and your "look at me, I'm a good person because I'm getting emotional over some girl I don't even know getting chewed out by her daddy" threads...

makes me wanna puke...

[sinton66]

Originally posted by Gobbla2001
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...

And I'm pretty sure her dad could hit a bird in the ass with a sunflower-seed from 30 yards out... you don't even KNOW!

you guys and your "look at me, I'm a good person because I'm getting emotional over some girl I don't even know getting chewed out by her daddy" threads...

makes me wanna puke...

Come on now, Goob, tell us what you REALLY think.:D

[Necks_Fan]

Originally posted by Gobbla2001
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...

And I'm pretty sure her dad could hit a bird in the ass with a sunflower-seed from 30 yards out... you don't even KNOW!

you guys and your "look at me, I'm a good person because I'm getting emotional over some girl I don't even know getting chewed out by her daddy" threads...

makes me wanna puke... I'm split.

And I don't really care one way or the other.

[jlg043]

Originally posted by Rabbit'93
Good post Kep. I do have to disagree about winning and losing, though.

Winning and losing is important especially between the ages of 7-13. I've always taught my kids that learning how to lose is just as important as winning. Win with humility and lose with pride.

As parents we get caught up in the action and forget we're dealing with kids. I hate to say it, but my oldest has been my training ground. I've coached him from TBall until now (12U). In the early years I was pretty intense. Now we just have fun. That came from him teaching me that it's just a game and he's there to have fun. Nothing more, nothing less. He's a good ball player but an even better kid.

Winning and losing is important... I agree 100%... In high school I coached b-ball for two yrs and I wasnt hard on my kids but taught then a lot about life believe it or not! I always say "you will only get as much out of it as you put in it." That is true in every situation in life! School, sports, or parenting!

My first year we won it all and my second year we were the 3rd worse team out of 6... I was the coach on the sideline that was all excited everytime we drove the lane and when we were on d-fense telling them "get your hands up, block out" all that good stuff but I was never hardcore crazy.I simply told those kids we are here to have fun and losing is never fun so yall make up yalls minds on what you want to do!

Vince Lombardi once said "Winning isnt everything, its the only thing!"

[kepdawg]

Originally posted by Rabbit'93
Good post Kep. I do have to disagree about winning and losing, though.

Winning and losing is important especially between the ages of 7-13. I've always taught my kids that learning how to lose is just as important as winning. Win with humility and lose with pride.

As parents we get caught up in the action and forget we're dealing with kids. I hate to say it, but my oldest has been my training ground. I've coached him from TBall until now (12U). In the early years I was pretty intense. Now we just have fun. That came from him teaching me that it's just a game and he's there to have fun. Nothing more, nothing less. He's a good ball player but an even better kid.

So why do you think winning and losing is important? It seems to me you are more concerned with how to handle winning and losing than the actual winning and losing. That was exactly my point.

[Necks_Fan]

Originally posted by kepdawg
So why do you think winning and losing is important? It seems to me you are more concerned with how to handle winning and losing than the actual winning and losing. That was exactly my point. Winning and losing is impotant.

My parents always told me that If I failed, then I wasn't doing my best, and when I tried hard, I won and did really well. I think kids should be pushed to win, and not just have fun.

[kepdawg]

Originally posted by Necks_Fan
Winning and losing is impotant.

My parents always told me that If I failed, then I wasn't doing my best, and when I tried hard, I won and did really well. I think kids should be pushed to win, and not just have fun.

Doing your best does not always result in success though.

[Necks_Fan]

Originally posted by kepdawg
Doing your best does not always result in success though. You will have more success than those that are told to just have fun. If kids trive to win, and win, then that is a huge moral boost.

If they fail, it deflates them. I think kids should be pushed to win, but not overboard like some parents do.

[kepdawg]

Originally posted by Necks_Fan
You will have more success than those that are told to just have fun. If kids trive to win, and win, then that is a huge moral boost.

If they fail, it deflates them. I think kids should be pushed to win, but not overboard like some parents do.

Perhaps I have stated my case poorly and have been misunderstood. It has never been by intention to imply that kids should not try to win. I simply believe the lessons learned from successes and failures along the way are more significant than the wins and losses.

[DU_stud04]

i remember one of my last years in "little league" baseball..... coaches told us to have fun, had the first day of practice to pass out uniforms and give us a schedule.... left about 30 minutes of hitting and that was our last practice of the year. he'd start off every game by telling us to go out and have fun. we did pretty well, ended up going to the state tourney. think that was our only loss that year, about 3 rounds deep in the tourney.

i like getting told to have fun :)

[Necks_Fan]

Well, whatever works. I just always liked having somebody who pushed me to do the very best and win everything. I like competitive kids.

[jlg043]

Originally posted by DU_stud04
i remember one of my last years in "little league" baseball..... coaches told us to have fun, had the first day of practice to pass out uniforms and give us a schedule.... left about 30 minutes of hitting and that was our last practice of the year. he'd start off every game by telling us to go out and have fun. we did pretty well, ended up going to the state tourney. think that was our only loss that year, about 3 rounds deep in the tourney.

i like getting told to have fun :)

nothing against the coach and plz no one take this the wrong way but imagine if he did coach yall and yall did practice... Yall may have won it all!!!;)

[DU_stud04]

Originally posted by jlg043
nothing against the coach and plz no one take this the wrong way but imagine if he did coach yall and yall did practice... Yall may have won it all!!!;) it was too hot, we decided we were done. it was about 110 with humidity to the extreme. we went back to the hotel and jumped in the pool for a few hours after it was over.

[DU_stud04]

Originally posted by Necks_Fan
Well, whatever works. I just always liked having somebody who pushed me to do the very best and win everything. I like competitive kids. for me and my other friends, we never really needed anyone to push us. we loved competition with each other and thats how we were pushed. we pushed each other to do our best and have a fun time during it all. lost very few games, went undefeated a few years in a row in a few different sports. good old days :(

[jlg043]

Originally posted by DU_stud04
it was too hot, we decided we were done. it was about 110 with humidity to the extreme. we went back to the hotel and jumped in the pool for a few hours after it was over.

cant beat a good ol' cooldown in a pool... mostly when its 110 outside

[gobblergrangran]

If you guys think coaches are bad, take a listen to what kids on kids say. i used to buy bubble gum for little leaguers to keep their jaws busy. It was still a lot of fun to coach these young people. They were harder on themselves than any coach and you know what I loved every minute of it. These kids are all grown now and even some of them coach LL today. Memories are wonderful, so store them while you can. LOL

[DU_stud04]

Originally posted by gobblergrangran
If you guys think coaches are bad, take a listen to what kids on kids say. i used to buy bubble gum for little leaguers to keep their jaws busy. It was still a lot of fun to coach these young people. They were harder on themselves than any coach and you know what I loved every minute of it. These kids are all grown now and even some of them coach LL today. Memories are wonderful, so store them while you can. LOL big league chew is the best. i buy a few packs when i go to academy or dicks. seems like the only places i can still find it