SwtwtrMstngs04
02-26-2008, 03:27 AM
Found this quite amusing, I believe it came out of the Daily Texan
(UWIRE) AUSTIN, Texas—Hooked horns and gator chomps fill the streets in Vancouver, where the Texas Longhorns will face the University of Florida Gators in the 2040 NCAA football championship game tonight.
The game will be played north of the 49th parallel for the first time since the region formally known as Canada seceded from the Democratic Republic of Quebec and joined the United States in 2033. This game will serve as the culmination of the annual 64-team tournament that saw more than its fair share of upsets, including the University of Florida stunning the Harvard Crimson to clinch a spot in the semifinals.
The Longhorns will be playing in the championship game for the first time in 35 years, following a bizarre cycle of underachievement that began in 1970, which they broke in 2005 and relapsed into until tonight. Despite a remarkable winning percentage under longtime head coach Major Applewhite, the longhorns have been unable to get over the hump, losing in the playoff semifinals 10 seasons in a row between 2028 and 2038.
Texas defeated Ohio State 35-20 in their semifinal game. The Buckeyes seemed relieved to lose, knowing that the University of Florida would be waiting for them in the championship if they won. Historically, Ohio State has not had the best luck against the SEC, finishing 1-23 against them in all bowl games, with their lone win occurring in 2020 against Vanderbilt in the now defunct "Facebook Bowl."
This year marks the first season in 13 years that an Ivy League school will not be involved in the championship contest. The Ivy League has been the strongest conference in college football ever since the NCAA permitted schools to pay their student athletes for their services. Since a team’s collective GPA, graduation rate and college endowment determine the amount of money and number of scholarships a school receives, traditional college football programs have had trouble competing with the Ivy League’s standards. The new rules hurt the University of Oklahoma because they limit the school to only five scholarships a year, as well as stipulating that Oklahoma can only pay each player $30 and a cowboy hat.
Robert "Pink Eye" Moore, the Longhorns’ most prolific rusher since Heisman-winner Darrell Scott, leads Texas into action tonight. The University of Florida plans to counter Moore with Tim Tebow Jr., the youngest son of two-time Heisman quarterback and hall of fame fullback Tim Tebow.
Both teams have five seniors on each side of the ball that will collect their bonus checks at the end of the game for graduating in good standing from their respective universities.
Throngs of fans from both schools excitedly made their way to British Columbia to tailgate and watch the game on television. As is customary, ABC, the network commissioned to air the game, gave all of the game’s tickets to its corporate sponsors. The recently converted "student section," now seats advertising executives who will watch the game while attempting to not get mustard on their suits. The playoff system instituted 18 years ago has consistently earned triple the revenue that the extinct and often questioned BCS system once accrued.
Vince Young, former Texas quarterback and five-time Super Bowl winner with the Los Angeles Titans, will perform the honorary coin toss.
Kickoff is expected at 7 p.m. and postgame festivities will end at midnight, which is when The Department of Homeland Security requests that all attendees return to their place of residence.
(UWIRE) AUSTIN, Texas—Hooked horns and gator chomps fill the streets in Vancouver, where the Texas Longhorns will face the University of Florida Gators in the 2040 NCAA football championship game tonight.
The game will be played north of the 49th parallel for the first time since the region formally known as Canada seceded from the Democratic Republic of Quebec and joined the United States in 2033. This game will serve as the culmination of the annual 64-team tournament that saw more than its fair share of upsets, including the University of Florida stunning the Harvard Crimson to clinch a spot in the semifinals.
The Longhorns will be playing in the championship game for the first time in 35 years, following a bizarre cycle of underachievement that began in 1970, which they broke in 2005 and relapsed into until tonight. Despite a remarkable winning percentage under longtime head coach Major Applewhite, the longhorns have been unable to get over the hump, losing in the playoff semifinals 10 seasons in a row between 2028 and 2038.
Texas defeated Ohio State 35-20 in their semifinal game. The Buckeyes seemed relieved to lose, knowing that the University of Florida would be waiting for them in the championship if they won. Historically, Ohio State has not had the best luck against the SEC, finishing 1-23 against them in all bowl games, with their lone win occurring in 2020 against Vanderbilt in the now defunct "Facebook Bowl."
This year marks the first season in 13 years that an Ivy League school will not be involved in the championship contest. The Ivy League has been the strongest conference in college football ever since the NCAA permitted schools to pay their student athletes for their services. Since a team’s collective GPA, graduation rate and college endowment determine the amount of money and number of scholarships a school receives, traditional college football programs have had trouble competing with the Ivy League’s standards. The new rules hurt the University of Oklahoma because they limit the school to only five scholarships a year, as well as stipulating that Oklahoma can only pay each player $30 and a cowboy hat.
Robert "Pink Eye" Moore, the Longhorns’ most prolific rusher since Heisman-winner Darrell Scott, leads Texas into action tonight. The University of Florida plans to counter Moore with Tim Tebow Jr., the youngest son of two-time Heisman quarterback and hall of fame fullback Tim Tebow.
Both teams have five seniors on each side of the ball that will collect their bonus checks at the end of the game for graduating in good standing from their respective universities.
Throngs of fans from both schools excitedly made their way to British Columbia to tailgate and watch the game on television. As is customary, ABC, the network commissioned to air the game, gave all of the game’s tickets to its corporate sponsors. The recently converted "student section," now seats advertising executives who will watch the game while attempting to not get mustard on their suits. The playoff system instituted 18 years ago has consistently earned triple the revenue that the extinct and often questioned BCS system once accrued.
Vince Young, former Texas quarterback and five-time Super Bowl winner with the Los Angeles Titans, will perform the honorary coin toss.
Kickoff is expected at 7 p.m. and postgame festivities will end at midnight, which is when The Department of Homeland Security requests that all attendees return to their place of residence.