Now THESE Are Jokes [Archive] - Texas DownLow Forum

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 12:02 PM

Every Sunday morning before the game, a Texans fan sees the same Cowboys fan walking along the side of the road on the way to church. Every week, the Texans fan swerves his truck towards the side, coming close enough to scare the poor Cowboys fan, but never too close.

One day, the Texans fan sees the Priest walking along. He pulls over. "Father, what happened?" "My car broke down!" So the Texans fan takes the priest into his truck and drives towards church.

Sure enough, he sees the same ol' Cowboys fan walking and thinks "Oh no, I can't swerve like that with a priest in here!" So he decides to make it look accidental, he sneezes and swerves towards the Cowboys fan like always. He closes his eyes during the sneeze for a split second and hears a loud THUD.

He looks up and says, "Oh no! What just happened!"

The Priest says, "Don't worry, you missed him. But I got him with the door!"

----------------------------------------------------

So a blind man goes into a bar, he orders a drink, and after a while of sitting in the silence he leans over to the bartender and says "Hey, would you like to hear a Dallas Cowboy joke?"

Unbeknownst to the blind man he's actually in a Cowboys themed bar! The man next to him goes "Fella, before you tell that joke you ought to know that the bartender is a Cowboys fan, the bouncer is a Cowboys fan, and I'm a 6-5 260 Cowboys fan... what's more is that the man on your right is a Cowboys fan with a black belt in karate and the man to my left is a Cowboys fan who's a pro wrestler... so think about it real carefully fella, you still wanna tell that Cowboys joke?"
The blind man says:
"No, not if I'm going to have to explain it 5 times."

--------------------------------------------

A Texans fan arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That is wonderful!," says the Texans fan. "We will talk out the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next the Texans fan introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?", to which the lady answers, "144." "That is great!," responds the Texans fan. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
The Texans fan goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." The Texans fan responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

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A Texans fan, a Cowboys fan, a Giants fan and an Eagles fan were all mountain climbing together one day. As they were climbing up the mountain, they were jawing back and forth with each other over whose team was the best. When they finally reach the top of the mountain, all four are standing around when the Giants fan inexplicably says "This one is for the Giants" and jumps off the mountain. The Eagles fan, not wanting to be out done, says this one is for the Eagles," and jumps off the mountain. The Texans fan then says "This one is for everybody" and pushes the Cowboys fan of the cliff.

------------------------------------------------

How do you stop a Cowboys fan from drowning?

Take your foot off the back of his head.

DU_stud04

01-09-2008, 12:07 PM

how do the Texans become the best team in any state? move to rhode island or blow up the metroplex and hope san antonio doesnt get a team.

Phil C

01-09-2008, 12:10 PM

"HOW ABOUT THEM COWBOYS!"

Phil C

01-09-2008, 12:12 PM

A Texan fans tells someone he made a 25 on the IQ test and the persons says "You must be a Texan fan. Any group that let Vince Young go must be that low."

:D

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 12:19 PM

Originally posted by Phil C
A Texan fans tells someone he made a 25 on the IQ test and the persons says "You must be a Texan fan. Any group that let Vince Young go must be that low."

:D

Vince Young supporter, are you? Did you happen to see him play this year? Better yet...see him during the Wild Card game? He STILL hasn't figured out how to use anything but his legs. Mario on the other hand, is coming into his own and showing everyone why HE was the #1 pick. Just for good measure...think Reggie Bush is going to be a dynamic playmaker in the pros? Do you? Take a look at Eric Metcalf's college highlights. They look eerily similar to Reggie's from his USC days. Point I'm trying to make: When it's all said and done, Reggie Bush's NFL career is going to amount to that of Eric Metcalf's. The Texans made the right selection.

crzyjournalist03

01-09-2008, 12:26 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
Vince Young supporter, are you? Did you happen to see him play this year? Better yet...see him during the Wild Card game? He STILL hasn't figured out how to use anything but his legs. Mario on the other hand, is coming into his own and showing everyone why HE was the #1 pick. Just for good measure...think Reggie Bush is going to be a dynamic playmaker in the pros? Do you? Take a look at Eric Metcalf's college highlights. They look eerily similar to Reggie's from his USC days. Point I'm trying to make: When it's all said and done, Reggie Bush's NFL career is going to amount to that of Eric Metcalf's. The Texans made the right selection.

while you're right on most all those accounts, the fact that you, as a fan of a team whose best record all-time was finishing .500 chose to make fun of the #1 seed in the NFC and the team that shares the record for most Super Bowl victories all time is unbelievable...you deserve all the ribbing that you take on this thread from here on out.

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 12:33 PM

Originally posted by crzyjournalist03
while you're right on most all those accounts, the fact that you, as a fan of a team whose best record all-time was finishing .500 chose to make fun of the #1 seed in the NFC and the team that shares the record for most Super Bowl victories all time is unbelievable...you deserve all the ribbing that you take on this thread from here on out.

Why are you bringing that up? I was simply responding to Phil's comment about the Texans being stupid for passing on VY.

On the other hand, we finally got to .500, which is something that is very encouraging for Texans fans. Kubiak, in only his 2nd year, turned this thing around for the better. Hopefully we can build on that and push for a Wild Card berth next season. Sean Payton and Eric Mangini led their respective teams to drastic improvements in Year 1, then suffered letdowns in their 2nd seasons. Gary is showing that he's building the team to achieve and maintain lasting success. As a Texans fan, I'm optimistic about the future.

Big Papa

01-09-2008, 12:56 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
. As a Texans fan, I'm optimistic about the future.

as a texan fan thats about all you can be..

crzyjournalist03

01-09-2008, 01:11 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
Why are you bringing that up? I was simply responding to Phil's comment about the Texans being stupid for passing on VY.

The reason I brought it up is because that was Phil's attempt at giving you a rough time.

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 01:37 PM

Originally posted by crzyjournalist03
The reason I brought it up is because that was Phil's attempt at giving you a rough time.

I know that.

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 01:40 PM

Originally posted by Big Papa
as a texan fan thats about all you can be..

All good things have to start somewhere. The Dallas Cowboys were optimistic at one point, then a guy named Jimmy Johnson came in and brought them back from the abyss.

themsu97

01-09-2008, 02:30 PM

Texanfan...
arguing with Cowboy fan is about as useless as arguing with Longhorn fan, and what is worse, is when they are both...

anybody have a good knowledge of the first few years of the Cowboys beginnings?

oh yeah, and only Cowboy fan would blame Jessica for the "boys bad play...

iknoweverything

01-09-2008, 02:30 PM

cliff notes please

pirate4state

01-09-2008, 03:39 PM

Originally posted by themsu97
Texanfan...
arguing with Cowboy fan is about as useless as arguing with Longhorn fan, and what is worse, is when they are both...

anybody have a good knowledge of the first few years of the Cowboys beginnings?

oh yeah, and only Cowboy fan would blame Jessica for the "boys bad play...

yeah, they were horrible for their first 5 years in the league, then hit the .500 mark and then proceeded to string together 20 years of winning seasons, picking up 2 Superbowl wins in 5 appearances in that span. 20 winning seasons came to an end in '86-'90 then I think everyone knows what has happened since then.

15 total losing seasons ('60-'64; '86-'90; '00-'02; '04), none lasting more than 5 years; 2 .500 seasons ('65 & '99);
8 Superbowl appearances, 5 wins - I'll take it, thanks!! :)

Big Papa

01-09-2008, 03:42 PM

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 03:42 PM

Originally posted by pirate4state
yeah, they were horrible for their first 5 years in the league, then hit the .500 mark and then proceeded to string together 20 years of winning seasons, picking up 2 Superbowl wins in 5 appearances in that span. 20 winning seasons came to an end in '86-'90 then I think everyone knows what has happened since then.

15 total losing seasons ('60-'64; '86-'90; '00-'02; '04), none lasting more than 5 years; 2 .500 seasons ('65 & '99);
8 Superbowl appearances, 5 wins - I'll take it, thanks!! :)

I never said the Cowboys were bad. I was merely pointing to the time Jimmy Johnson turned them around after a slight down time for the organization.

pirate4state

01-09-2008, 03:43 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
I never said the Cowboys were bad. I was merely pointing to the time Jimmy Johnson turned them around after a slight down time for the organization. did I quote you? :p

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 04:02 PM

Originally posted by pirate4state
did I quote you? :p

No, but you quoted the guy that referred to me.

I'm not picking on you. I pick on everybody equally. haha jk

pirate4state

01-09-2008, 04:07 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
No, but you quoted the guy that referred to me.

I'm not picking on you. I pick on everybody equally. haha jk

ummmmmmmmmm, okay :crazy1:

I'm not romming you on purpose. I rom everyone equally. haha jk :tongue: :D

Ranger Mom

01-09-2008, 04:09 PM

Originally posted by pirate4state
ummmmmmmmmm, okay :crazy1:

I'm not romming you on purpose. I rom everyone equally. haha jk :tongue: :D

LOL!!!! Some people just don't seem to "get it"....do they?? :devil:

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 05:19 PM

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
LOL!!!! Some people just don't seem to "get it"....do they?? :devil:

Moderators always think they're better than the 'general population'. That was a joke as well. Kind of. Just without the 835 different kinds of smiley faces.

Ranger Mom

01-09-2008, 05:23 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
Moderators always think they're better than the 'general population'. That was a joke as well. Kind of. Just without the 835 different kinds of smiley faces.

Since you have been here since 11/07....what gives you the expertise to judge me or any other moderator??

The best kind of joke are the ones you don't get....which obviously you didn't!

:nerd: :devil: :p :D :evillol: :crazy1: :inlove::doh: :hairpunk: :weeping:

pirate4state

01-09-2008, 05:24 PM

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 05:27 PM

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Since you have been here since 11/07....what gives you the expertise to judge me or any other moderator??

The best kind of joke are the ones you don't get....which obviously you didn't!

:nerd: :devil: :p :D :evillol: :crazy1: :inlove::doh: :hairpunk: :weeping:

I'm not judging you. If you knew me, you'd know that 99% of what I say is sarcastic. I try to stay away from message board drama (or whatever you call it). So I'll stay away from you from now on. There you go. Problem solved.

Ranger Mom

01-09-2008, 05:27 PM

Originally posted by pirate4state
You used too many smilies. Now I can't use any!! Darn. {sniffles}

I'm sorry!! Since you are a fellow mod and it's a widely known fact that we are better than the general population, you should have just quoted and edited my smilies out.

I was just wondering how many smilies I could use, I thought it was 8 and am ecstatic to find it's actually 10!!!!

Ranger Mom

01-09-2008, 05:29 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
I'm not judging you. If you knew me, you'd know that 99% of what I say is sarcastic. I try to stay away from message board drama (or whatever you call it). So I'll stay away from you from now on. There you go. Problem solved.

Awww....did I hurt his feelings???

I thought this was a "JOKE" thread.....I guess some of us can take them and some can't.:eek: :eek:

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 05:31 PM

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Awww....did I hurt his feelings???

I thought this was a "JOKE" thread.....I guess some of us can take them and some can't.

Me? You're the one who got all indignant and accused me of judging you.

pirate4state

01-09-2008, 05:33 PM

Ranger Mom

01-09-2008, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by TexanFan4Life
Me? You're the one who got all indignant and accused me of judging you.

LOL!! Okay my little drama king!!

I just simply asked how you, who have been here 2 months, can judge us moderators.

I wasn't idignant, just merely asked a question, just cause I was feeling ornery.

But it's good we had this little "dialog", I will add you to my list of people who can't take a joke!!!http://www.edgewise.org/Smilies/neener.gif

JHS_c/o_06'

01-09-2008, 05:46 PM

You wanna hear a good joke

The Houston Texans.

Bull Butter

01-09-2008, 06:21 PM

Originally posted by JHS_c/o_06'
You wanna hear a good joke

The Houston Texans.

Guess you weren't a Cowboys fan around 1965 or so. If you were, then you'd know the Cowboys first .500 year came in their 6th season('65), just like some other NFL team from Texas

Cowboys first 6 seasons(1960-65).......25-53-4 (.329)
Texans first 6 seasons(2002-07)..........32-64(.333)

Sounds pretty similar to me

Dallas didn't win a SB until their 12th NFL season, so the Texans have 6 more years to go

eagles_victory

01-09-2008, 06:32 PM

The Texans havent even hit NFL puberty. I remember when all the Texans fans were talking crap after they won a pre season game.

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 06:57 PM

Originally posted by pirate4state
Is this you being sarcastic again? :D

Sarcasm is my middle name, unless it's time to be serious. :D

TexanFan4Life

01-09-2008, 06:58 PM

Originally posted by eagles_victory
The Texans havent even hit NFL puberty. I remember when all the Texans fans were talking crap after they won a pre season game.

I think we did with 8-8 in Gary's 2nd year. We had a total of 17 guys on IR this season. We were without AJ for a good portion of the season. Not making excuses. Stating facts. We STILL reached .500 for the first time in team history.

LH Panther Mom

01-09-2008, 07:26 PM

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I'm sorry!! Since you are a fellow mod and it's a widely known fact that we are better than the general population, you should have just quoted and edited my smilies out.

That's what I would've done. :evillol: :evillol: :evillol:

coach

01-09-2008, 08:33 PM

Originally posted by JHS_c/o_06'
You wanna hear a good joke

The Houston Texans.

do you wanna hear an even better joke?

Women