The joke thread.....place joke here

[waterboy]

I'm looking for a couple of good jokes. If you know of one you think is funny please post here.

[Texasfootball2]

Originally posted by waterboy
I'm looking for a couple of good jokes. If you know of one you think is funny please post here.

What type of jokes? clean, a little dirty, or just plain dirty.

[pirate4state]

A young Deputy is working late at the Sheriff's Department one evening. As he clocks out of his office at about 8 P.M. he sees the Sheriff standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

"Do you know how to work this thing?" the Sheriff asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young Deputy, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the Sheriff, and feeds it in.

"Thanks," says the Sheriff, "I just need one copy..."


I don't know if this is truly a joke, but I got a good laugh!

Oh and no dirty jokes allowed on the board, but feel free to send those in a PM.

[TexanFan4Life]

A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?”

First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black.”

A second little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.”

The teacher says, “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.”

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, “Does a fart have lumps?”

The teacher looks horrified and says, “Johnny! Of course not!!!”

“OK…then I DEFINITELY soiled my pants!”

[Sweetwater Red]

I have a joke....Snyder's team history.:thinking: :devil: :D



http://idisk.mac.com/cboehme69-Public/thsf/snyder28-06.gif

[Phil C]

Joke:

Jim: I'm glad I wasn't born in Russia.

Jane: Why?

Jim: Because I can't speak Russian.


:D

[waterboy]

Originally posted by Sweetwater Red
I have a joke....Snyder's team history.:thinking: :devil: :D



http://idisk.mac.com/cboehme69-Public/thsf/snyder28-06.gif
Now that's funny right there. I don't care who you are.:D

[Adidas410s]

Originally posted by Phil C
Joke:

Jim: I'm glad I wasn't born in Russia.

Jane: Why?

Jim: Because I can't speak Russian.


:D

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[waterboy]

Originally posted by Texasfootball2
What type of jokes? clean, a little dirty, or just plain dirty.
Any joke that won't get this thread or you banned.

[jason]

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "Well ... I can clearly see your nuts.

[Phil C]

Originally posted by jason
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "Well ... I can clearly see your nuts.

:D :clap: :clap: :clap:

[RMAC]

A man walks in to a bar and says: "OW!!!"

A cow and a horse see each other and the cow says to the horse: "Why the long face?"

[yourboss319]

Originally posted by RMAC
A man walks in to a bar and says: "OW!!!"


ha reminds me... 3 guys walk into a bar and the 4th one ducks...

uhh...

Three men went to hell...The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3" He then opened the doors to the three rooms....
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor...... Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.....Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in horse crap up to their knees and drinking coffee....The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.....They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over... Back on your heads."

[Ranger Mom]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"Sure and I can't be telling you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

Tommy grinned. "Three month's vacation and five good leads!"

[jason]

did my sheep joke get deleted?

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by jason
did my sheep joke get deleted?

you can't see it?? weird :p

[crzyjournalist03]

A man from Texas, a man from Oklahoma, and a man from Arkansas were all riding in the car together while on vacation and needed to stop to get some groceries. The Texan pulls over to a convenient store, walks in and the guy asks what he wants.

The Texan replies, "I'd like some bananas and some taters."
The clerk responds, "You're from Texas aren't you?"
The Texan, surprised, asks "How'd you know that?"
The clerk said, "I can tell from your accent."

The Texan goes back into the car, they drive off and he tells the other two what had happened. The Oklahoman was so intrigued that he told the Texan to pull over at the next grocery store so he could try it.

The Oklahoman then walks into the store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some naners and some taters!"
The clerk responds, "You're from Oklahoma aren't you?"
The Oklahoman was surprised and asked how the clerk knew.
The clerk responds, "I can tell from your accent."

The Oklahoman gets back into the car and tells the other two what had happened as they start to drive off. The man from Arkansas gets so excited that he tells the Texan to pull over immediately at that next store up the road.

The man then goes into the store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some naners and some taters!"
The clerk responds, "Sir, you're from Arkansas, aren't you?"
The man excitedly asks, "Yeah! How'd you know? Was it my accent?"
The clerk responds, "No, sir. You're in a hardware store." :D

[Buccaneer]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to $5 when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful coffee slice complimentary from the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!" The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed. The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg, he's dead. What'd you buy?"

[Buccaneer]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"