A word of advice to the newly engaged

[Ranger Mom]

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

[Maroon87]

I guess this is a good time to repost this...:D

Guy's Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!



Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.



1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[alaskacat]

The above covered it:)

[charlesrixey]

these are the best ones

and they are all true

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

[Who-dun-it!!?]

Exclude all other advice and change your mind, and your identity asap!!!

Then move away as far as possible, and start a new life!!

[HM33]

I love it lol

[kaorder1999]

A happy WIFE equals a happy LIFE

[crzyjournalist03]

My wife always tells me that I'm free to have the last words in an argument, so long as the words are "Yes ma'am."

[NDFootball]

Originally posted by Maroon87
I guess this is a good time to repost this...:D

Guy's Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!



Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.



1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

:clap: :clap: this is true

[big daddy russ]

Originally posted by Maroon87
I guess this is a good time to repost this...:D

Guy's Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!



Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.
I love this list, Jeff. By the way, I got lucky. I trained my girl against these things. Told her that I grew up in a male-dominated household, so the seat was always up. She learned to live with it early on. :)

Sunday=Saturday for me ('cause I prefer college sports), but she's 100% on board after spending four years going to football games at A&M. She actually promted me to subscribe to the sports package on our cable so we can pick up games not broadcast in our region. I love her.

And she knows I don't put up with that stuff. If she's crying, I don't care unless someone died or her team lost. If she's hurt, it'd better be broken, hemmorhaging, or at least a second-degree burn. I've done all the above over the last four and a half years we've been together (fractured two bones, though one is a toe) plus a torn meniscus and haven't been to the doctor once in that period of time. My attention is either there when I want to give it or necessary at all other times. There is no crying to make me pay attention or manipulate me. Homie don't play that.


Now on all the other rules, she has me trained. Knowing women, though, the fact that I pulled three out of that list was a coup. That's how I know I got a keeper. :D

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by big daddy russ
I love this list, Jeff. By the way, I got lucky. I trained my girl against these things. Told her that I grew up in a male-dominated household, so the seat was always up. She learned to live with it early on. :)

Sunday=Saturday for me ('cause I prefer college sports), but she's 100% on board after spending four years going to football games at A&M. She actually promted me to subscribe to the sports package on our cable so we can pick up games not broadcast in our region. I love her.

And she knows I don't put up with that stuff. If she's crying, I don't care unless someone died or her team lost. If she's hurt, it'd better be broken, hemmorhaging, or at least a second-degree burn. I've done all the above over the last four and a half years we've been together (fractured two bones, though one is a toe) plus a torn meniscus and haven't been to the doctor once in that period of time. My attention is either there when I want to give it or necessary at all other times. There is no crying to make me pay attention or manipulate me. Homie don't play that.


Now on all the other rules, she has me trained. Knowing women, though, the fact that I pulled three out of that list was a coup. That's how I know I got a keeper. :D

OMG "Homie don't play that." :clap: :clap: :D :D

[nobogey72]

My advice to any newly engaged male---------- And, I had to learn this the hard way............ Never, never,never... under any circumstances buy your wife (birthday, Xmas, anniversary,etc) an electric nose-hair trimmer. It will not be received in the spirit in which it was intended. Trust me.:eek:

[loyalleopard]

Ha Ha Ha, now thats funny. TRUE, but funny.

[Phil C]

And whataever either of you do you must both work to always be


POLITICALLY CORRECT!!


:mad:

[Phil C]

And be aware that when another addition to your family comes your life will be changed (I am sure it will be for the better). I have a friend and his wife finally found out they were going to have triplets to their family. She said since she had sisters and nephews and in laws that their lives were not going to be changed. I said "Ha! Even if you were going to have just one it would be changed. You are going to have three! Yes your life will be changed."
She didn't believe me but after the babies came she came to find out I was right. :)