burnet44
06-21-2007, 05:15 PM
Worst athlete-turned-actors
Shaquille O’Neal, “Kazaam” (1996)
http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_oneal.small.jpg
Following a supporting role in “Blue Chips” (1994), Shaquille O’Neal ventured into starring roles with “Kazaam.” O’Neal also executive produced. Thus followed a lesson in what happens when ego surpasses common sense. This basketball star was under the impression that he could both act and rap (he could do neither). As directed by Paul Michael Glaser of “Starsky & Hutch” fame, O’Neal first emerged as genie Kazaam by stomping on a strategically placed Pepsi can and rhyming like some rhythmically-challenged Frankenstein-like cross between Tupac and Dr. Seuss. In O’Neal’s defense, it’s not like he couldn’t deliver a line or that his heart wasn’t in the right place or that he wasn’t willing to make a fool of himself. However, this was a venture exploring the limits of the cult of personality. Watching O’Neal act had all the excitement of watching one long post-game interview. While O’Neal might have been at the top of his interviewing game, watching him in a 90-minute movie explore the wretched limits of his talent was simply inhumane.
Wilt Chamberlain, “Conan the Destroyer” (1984)
http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_chamberlain.small.jpg
If you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a 7-foot-1 log act, you need go no further than “Conan the Destroyer” and the performance of Wilt Chamberlain, possibly the best basketball center to ever play the game. Unfortunately, his acting skills and his basketball skills were like Pluto and the Sun — one burning bright while the other is cold, barren and utterly devoid of life. The film is a sort of an Olympics of bad acting and bad writing and that makes everyone in it an athlete of sorts. However, when you can’t even hold your own against the acting prowess of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Grace Jones, there’s a problem. Wilt looks ridiculous lumbering around as Bombaata, bodyguard to Queen Taramis. Riding his horse, one wonders if the poor animal isn’t going to break in half as Chamberlain’s feet nearly drag along the ground. Sadly, everything Wilt does appears completely ridiculous given his height. In addition to his trips on the horse, handling his sword made poor Chamberlain look like a major leaguer swinging a pee-wee bat.
Roosevelt Grier, “The Glove” (1979)
http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_grier.small.jpg
After a stellar career as a member of the 1960s Los Angeles Rams’ defensive “Fearsome Foursome,” Grier made a habit of appearing in a whole slew of painfully bad movies. While “The Glove” was perhaps less notable than “The Thing with Two Heads” (1972), it was equally as nauseating and embarrassing. It’s not so much Grier’s role as a sympathetic thug as it’s his attire. His character took revenge on the prison guards who abused him by showing up unannounced in what looked like an ill-fitting catcher’s outfit along with a steel-plated glove that he used to demolish everything from bathroom fixtures to cars. The character’s soft side was revealed in a scene where he played guitar, singing the blues to a young boy. While “The Glove” is certainly dated, its efforts to give Grier street credibility by having him constantly refer to protagonist Sam Kellog (John Saxon) as “hound dog” must have seemed ridiculous even 28 years ago.
Dennis Rodman, “Double Team” (1997)
http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_rodman.small.jpg
1998 saw Dennis Rodman win three Razzie awards for this film: worst new star, worst screen couple (along with co-star Jean-Claude Van Damme), and worst supporting actor. That’s reasonable evidence of one of the worst athlete-to-actor transitions in cinema history, but give Rodman some credit. Like Wilt Chamberlain, he made his debut in a film hoping that his bad acting co-stars would make him at least passable. The film also stars Mickey Rourke in a performance that appears nearly Oscar-worthy by comparison. Rodman’s performance could have been limited to merely “unpleasant” had the filmmakers not decided to allow his arms-dealing character, Yaz, to use basketball euphemisms like they were candy being tossed to starving children. I mean, for God’s sake, the film ends with Rodman wondering how much he’ll be fined for all the damage he’s caused following an explosion. The filmmakers actually thought that the national disdain for Rodman’s childish antics on the basketball court could be parlayed into box-office success. It boggles the mind.
Mitch Gaylord, “American Anthem” (1986)
http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_gaylord.small.jpg
I didn’t recall much about “American Anthem,” so revisiting it is like recovering a memory of childhood abuse. Gaylord, a 1984 gold medal winning gymnast, tried in vain to take his boy-next-door good looks and exploit them on the silver screen. Unfortunately, the only thing he ended up exploiting was the audience’s time. Gaylord’s acting consisted mostly of hair-swishing, teeth-gritting and a James Dean impression that might have been better performed by a finger puppet. At least the movie didn’t try to make him do too much. As former football player/gymnast Steve Tevere, Gaylord falls for fellow gymnast Julie Lloyd (Janet Jones, aka Mrs. Wayne Gretzky). In the opening scene we learned that Gaylord still had “it,” as he took time during his manual labor job to leap to the rafters and grab some piece of equipment that was hanging there. I’m sure we all know how that is. I so fondly remember my days in construction. I was always impressed when fat Mike performed consecutive handsprings followed by a back walkover every time he needed a hammer. Those were the days. Ugh.
poll
Who do you think is the worst athlete-turned-actor? * 36969 responses
O.J. Simpson........................... 20.0%
Shaquille O'Neal....................... 20.0%
Brian Bosworth........................ 19.0%
Dennis Rodman........................ 15.0%
Bruce Jenner............................ 4.7%
Joe Namath.............................. 3.4%
Michael Jordan......................... 2.8%
Karem Addul-Jabbar .................2.4%
Wilt Chamberlin......................... 2.4%
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson..... 2.1%
Howie Long.............................. 2.0%
Rick Fox.................................... 1.8%
Mitch Gaylord........................... 1.4%
Jim Brown .................................0.7%
Bob Uecker............................... 0.6%
Bubba Smith.............................. 0.6%
Rosey Grier.............................. 0.5%
Vinnie Jones............................. 0.4%
Fred Williamson........................ 0.4%
Alex Karras............................... 0.4%
Johnny Weissmueller............... 0.3%
Fred Dryer................................. 0.3%
Shaquille O’Neal, “Kazaam” (1996)
http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_oneal.small.jpg
Following a supporting role in “Blue Chips” (1994), Shaquille O’Neal ventured into starring roles with “Kazaam.” O’Neal also executive produced. Thus followed a lesson in what happens when ego surpasses common sense. This basketball star was under the impression that he could both act and rap (he could do neither). As directed by Paul Michael Glaser of “Starsky & Hutch” fame, O’Neal first emerged as genie Kazaam by stomping on a strategically placed Pepsi can and rhyming like some rhythmically-challenged Frankenstein-like cross between Tupac and Dr. Seuss. In O’Neal’s defense, it’s not like he couldn’t deliver a line or that his heart wasn’t in the right place or that he wasn’t willing to make a fool of himself. However, this was a venture exploring the limits of the cult of personality. Watching O’Neal act had all the excitement of watching one long post-game interview. While O’Neal might have been at the top of his interviewing game, watching him in a 90-minute movie explore the wretched limits of his talent was simply inhumane.
Wilt Chamberlain, “Conan the Destroyer” (1984)
http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_chamberlain.small.jpg
If you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a 7-foot-1 log act, you need go no further than “Conan the Destroyer” and the performance of Wilt Chamberlain, possibly the best basketball center to ever play the game. Unfortunately, his acting skills and his basketball skills were like Pluto and the Sun — one burning bright while the other is cold, barren and utterly devoid of life. The film is a sort of an Olympics of bad acting and bad writing and that makes everyone in it an athlete of sorts. However, when you can’t even hold your own against the acting prowess of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Grace Jones, there’s a problem. Wilt looks ridiculous lumbering around as Bombaata, bodyguard to Queen Taramis. Riding his horse, one wonders if the poor animal isn’t going to break in half as Chamberlain’s feet nearly drag along the ground. Sadly, everything Wilt does appears completely ridiculous given his height. In addition to his trips on the horse, handling his sword made poor Chamberlain look like a major leaguer swinging a pee-wee bat.
Roosevelt Grier, “The Glove” (1979)
http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_grier.small.jpg
After a stellar career as a member of the 1960s Los Angeles Rams’ defensive “Fearsome Foursome,” Grier made a habit of appearing in a whole slew of painfully bad movies. While “The Glove” was perhaps less notable than “The Thing with Two Heads” (1972), it was equally as nauseating and embarrassing. It’s not so much Grier’s role as a sympathetic thug as it’s his attire. His character took revenge on the prison guards who abused him by showing up unannounced in what looked like an ill-fitting catcher’s outfit along with a steel-plated glove that he used to demolish everything from bathroom fixtures to cars. The character’s soft side was revealed in a scene where he played guitar, singing the blues to a young boy. While “The Glove” is certainly dated, its efforts to give Grier street credibility by having him constantly refer to protagonist Sam Kellog (John Saxon) as “hound dog” must have seemed ridiculous even 28 years ago.
Dennis Rodman, “Double Team” (1997)
http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_rodman.small.jpg
1998 saw Dennis Rodman win three Razzie awards for this film: worst new star, worst screen couple (along with co-star Jean-Claude Van Damme), and worst supporting actor. That’s reasonable evidence of one of the worst athlete-to-actor transitions in cinema history, but give Rodman some credit. Like Wilt Chamberlain, he made his debut in a film hoping that his bad acting co-stars would make him at least passable. The film also stars Mickey Rourke in a performance that appears nearly Oscar-worthy by comparison. Rodman’s performance could have been limited to merely “unpleasant” had the filmmakers not decided to allow his arms-dealing character, Yaz, to use basketball euphemisms like they were candy being tossed to starving children. I mean, for God’s sake, the film ends with Rodman wondering how much he’ll be fined for all the damage he’s caused following an explosion. The filmmakers actually thought that the national disdain for Rodman’s childish antics on the basketball court could be parlayed into box-office success. It boggles the mind.
Mitch Gaylord, “American Anthem” (1986)
http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070618/5top_gaylord.small.jpg
I didn’t recall much about “American Anthem,” so revisiting it is like recovering a memory of childhood abuse. Gaylord, a 1984 gold medal winning gymnast, tried in vain to take his boy-next-door good looks and exploit them on the silver screen. Unfortunately, the only thing he ended up exploiting was the audience’s time. Gaylord’s acting consisted mostly of hair-swishing, teeth-gritting and a James Dean impression that might have been better performed by a finger puppet. At least the movie didn’t try to make him do too much. As former football player/gymnast Steve Tevere, Gaylord falls for fellow gymnast Julie Lloyd (Janet Jones, aka Mrs. Wayne Gretzky). In the opening scene we learned that Gaylord still had “it,” as he took time during his manual labor job to leap to the rafters and grab some piece of equipment that was hanging there. I’m sure we all know how that is. I so fondly remember my days in construction. I was always impressed when fat Mike performed consecutive handsprings followed by a back walkover every time he needed a hammer. Those were the days. Ugh.
poll
Who do you think is the worst athlete-turned-actor? * 36969 responses
O.J. Simpson........................... 20.0%
Shaquille O'Neal....................... 20.0%
Brian Bosworth........................ 19.0%
Dennis Rodman........................ 15.0%
Bruce Jenner............................ 4.7%
Joe Namath.............................. 3.4%
Michael Jordan......................... 2.8%
Karem Addul-Jabbar .................2.4%
Wilt Chamberlin......................... 2.4%
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson..... 2.1%
Howie Long.............................. 2.0%
Rick Fox.................................... 1.8%
Mitch Gaylord........................... 1.4%
Jim Brown .................................0.7%
Bob Uecker............................... 0.6%
Bubba Smith.............................. 0.6%
Rosey Grier.............................. 0.5%
Vinnie Jones............................. 0.4%
Fred Williamson........................ 0.4%
Alex Karras............................... 0.4%
Johnny Weissmueller............... 0.3%
Fred Dryer................................. 0.3%