Gsquared
05-30-2007, 12:46 PM
OBJECTIVE
To make plenty of money by securing a full-time job at a firm where my proven strengths in impressing (read screwing) the CEO’s daughter will prevent my boss from firing me even when I don’t show up for months.
CLASSROOM SKILLS
· Have the unique ability to make cat-calls with my mouth shut. Never been caught even when the teacher was just 10 feet away.
· Can laugh out hilariously on professor’s stupid jokes while still convincing the whole class that I am laughing on the professor, not his/her joke.
· Extremely proficient in sneaking out of the class (after attendance, of course). Once I took the chair with me so that no-one gets suspicious to see it empty.
· Have 100% track record of sitting on the last bench.
INTERNET EXPERIENCE
· Familiar with almost every porn-site on the web. Ability to browse thru new sex sites very quickly.
· Have a user-name and password to every web-site that features nude photographs of Britney Spears.
· Was among the first recipient and distributor of the famous Paris Hilton video.
ACHIEVEMENTS
· Awarded the SHRI status twice
-Boys Hostel, November 2001. Was suspended from the hostel for the rest of the semester for firing crackers outside Warden’s room. Pissed off the warden by 1000%. Rs.2000 fine. My name appeared on the college notice board for full 15 days.
-Boys Hostel, October 1999. Jumped the gates of the hostel to enter at 4 am in the night. Was told to bring parents to college. Convinced the parents that the college teachers are all jerks. Settled the issue over a phone call, thus saving time and money.
OTHER SKILLS
· Consistent. Can sleep for 12-14 straight hours if no-one disturbs.
· Environmental friendly. Save a lot of water. Once didn’t bath for 13 consecutive days, saving 1635 gallons of water.
· Signature Forging. Can fake even the most complex signatures. 10 years experience. Faking Dad’s signature on report card • since high-school.
To make plenty of money by securing a full-time job at a firm where my proven strengths in impressing (read screwing) the CEO’s daughter will prevent my boss from firing me even when I don’t show up for months.
CLASSROOM SKILLS
· Have the unique ability to make cat-calls with my mouth shut. Never been caught even when the teacher was just 10 feet away.
· Can laugh out hilariously on professor’s stupid jokes while still convincing the whole class that I am laughing on the professor, not his/her joke.
· Extremely proficient in sneaking out of the class (after attendance, of course). Once I took the chair with me so that no-one gets suspicious to see it empty.
· Have 100% track record of sitting on the last bench.
INTERNET EXPERIENCE
· Familiar with almost every porn-site on the web. Ability to browse thru new sex sites very quickly.
· Have a user-name and password to every web-site that features nude photographs of Britney Spears.
· Was among the first recipient and distributor of the famous Paris Hilton video.
ACHIEVEMENTS
· Awarded the SHRI status twice
-Boys Hostel, November 2001. Was suspended from the hostel for the rest of the semester for firing crackers outside Warden’s room. Pissed off the warden by 1000%. Rs.2000 fine. My name appeared on the college notice board for full 15 days.
-Boys Hostel, October 1999. Jumped the gates of the hostel to enter at 4 am in the night. Was told to bring parents to college. Convinced the parents that the college teachers are all jerks. Settled the issue over a phone call, thus saving time and money.
OTHER SKILLS
· Consistent. Can sleep for 12-14 straight hours if no-one disturbs.
· Environmental friendly. Save a lot of water. Once didn’t bath for 13 consecutive days, saving 1635 gallons of water.
· Signature Forging. Can fake even the most complex signatures. 10 years experience. Faking Dad’s signature on report card • since high-school.