Having an Obedient Wife

[DU_stud04]

Having an obedient wife

And kids who flinch and hide in the corner of the room when you come home is the hallmark of a successful family. Since having a well tempered wife is essential to asserting one’s manliness, here is a quick guide to finding and training your new wife.

Where to find a woman

Bringing home a woman into your home is a life-altering decision that required careful consideration. Before you make the financial, social, and time commitment to adopt a woman, ask yourself if you’re ready for the ongoing responsibility. Once you’ve decided that a woman is right for you, the first step is to find one. Here are a few places to start your search:

Malls
Most women can be found in malls- large shopping establishments that can be found in most major cities. Malls are rife with the idle women ready for the picking. You can find women of different builds depending on which area of the mall you look in. for example, looking in trendy or novelty clothing stores will yield a younger, valley-girl type of women, whereas if you look in the food court, you will usually find a larger breed of woman with thicker thighs that are more suitable for birthing.

Schools
College campuses are a great resource for men in the market for women who come fixed. Females on university campuses are likely to be in heat, in good health, and anxious to leave the confinement of their self-imposed academic prisons. Since stock models of these women come sterile, they’re ideal for men who are looking to avoid undesirable sexually transmitted diseases (Namely, children).

Bars/Clubs
If women are like steaks, then the big greasy chunks of gristle that are left over after you finish the meal are what you’ll find in the bars. Fortunately, there is a way to separate out the high-quality women from the low in bars and clubs. When you stand near a woman, listen for a faint whistling noise coming from between her legs, as if wind were passing through a large, hollow cavern. If you hear this sound, your prospective women may have a condition commonly referred to as “whore.” Be wary of these women, as clubs tend to harbor many of them.

[DU_stud04]

Types of Women
Once you find an establishment with a woman, the next step is to choose a woman that’s right for you based on your level of commitment. Surprisingly, not all women are the same; that is, women can very greatly in intelligence, body type, and personality. The following is a list of the most common classifications of women.

Blondes: This type of woman is energetic and enthusiastic. These personality traits will wear thin after a couple of minutes and will transfer into another personality trait as “annoying.” Blondes love to laugh, drink, and hand out in bars, and as such have a propensity to be loose. Women with blonde hair tend to have over tanned skin and blue eyes, which are seen as desirable physical traits by some men. This desirability is fueled by the music and television industries; so this type of woman is greatly sought after. Some analysts believe that, due to overvaluation, the market for blondes is about to burst.

Brunettes: As a rule of thumb, brunettes are more meek than their blonde counterparts, due to higher perceived value of blondes. This underlying devaluation will occasionally manifest itself as “low self-esteem,” making brunettes more easily attainable. Unfortunately, not all brunettes are desirable, and the exceptions can be tragic. For example, the brunettes with lighter skin tend to sport especially noticeable moustaches, due to the dark color of their hair follicles. This type of woman may require a high level of maintenance to keep presentable.

Redheads: Redheads require a very assertive owner due to the trying natures of these women. For instance, most redheads are very combative with other women and even some men if you allow it to happen. The dominant nature of this breed may be undesirable to men with flimsy backbones.

New Owner Checklist
After you select a woman, it’s important to go through the following checklist to make sure she is the right fit for you:

*Is the women’s body clean and well trimmed? Are her upper-lip, shoulders, and lower back clear of hair?
*Any unusual smells? For that matter, any “usual” smells?
*Any excess baggage? This could be fat, kids, or psychological issues.
*Does she have black fingernails, nappy looking hair, scar tissue around her wrists, bags under her eyes, or creepy pink thigh-high stocking? (All these say “head case.” Be wary, these women can be exhilarating at times, but you’re just as likely to have your “friend” cut off in your sleep.)
*Are her shots and vaccinations current?
*Does she walk with a limp?
*does she look like she’s been bred more than twice?

[DU_stud04]

Bringing Your Woman Home
There are several preparations you need to make before bringing your woman home. This is done for the safety of your property and belongings, as well as to prevent any unexpected medical bills due to accidental ingestion of drugs or toxic substances that may be in your home.

The Kitchen
If left unsupervised, you will find that most women will naturally find their way to the kitchen. Although your kitchen may appear to be safe at first, there are several potential risks that you need to be aware of. The most common accidents occur when the pot handles are left hanging over the edge of the stove. Make sure to turn the handles towards the back of the stove, where she will be less likely to knock them over while she’s mopping the floors.

The Bathroom
Make sure to keep medicine and supplements locked in cabinets. Come women have occasional fits of depression and may attempt to get attention by swallowing half a bottle of Tylenol. While this rarely poses a threat to the women’s safety, Tylenol is expensive.

One exception to this rule can be made with Midol, which you should leave in a candy dish in plain sight at least once per month. This will help keep your woman’s irritability in check. If you find that your woman is not consuming the Midol, you may consider mixing crushed tablets into her food.

Bathing Tips: It’s important never to leave your women alone in the tub, lest she slip and drown. Always stay with your women while she’s in the tub; you may even consider joining her. A long day of cooking and cleaning will make a woman filthy, so make sure to run an extra hot bath or shower, and scrub behind her ears and between her breasts- especially between her breasts.

[DU_stud04]

Exercise and Diet
All women require some level of exercise and diet to keep fit and presentable. How much exercise a women requires depends on several factors, including her body weight, frame, chest size, and self-esteem. For example, a woman with low self-esteem will tend to overeat, causing her more weight gain than a woman with higher self-esteem.

Women with large busts require a type of exercise that consists of jogging, skipping, or jumping up and down on a trampoline. These types of exercise will help you determine your women’s chest pliability. Some women with breast augmentations may show signs of discomfort while doing these exercises, in which case you should promptly exchange her for a natural model that won’t suffer from boulder tit syndrome.

Managing your woman’s diet won’t be simple, but can be accomplished by giving her less food. If your woman seems irritable with less food, try supplementing her meals with unflattering comments about her hips and thighs. Failing that, you may need to bring another woman into the picture; nothing makes a woman shape up like the threat of another woman vying for your attention. With practice, you’ll find that a woman’s jealousy can be used like a tool to manipulate her into doing all sorts of things to gain your praise.

It’s also important to feed your woman high-quality foods to prevent infections and other undesirable effects such as upset stomach, diarrhea, and bi….complaining. Feeding her filler foods (i.e., Taco Bell) may cause parasites to invade her body. If you suspect that this is the case, have a stool sample checked for worms by a qualified physician.

House Training Your Woman
Upon bringing your woman home, house training should be one of your top priorities. The key to effective house training is implementing a reward-counter reward system to encourage good behavior and discourage bad behavior.

A great deal of supervision and patience is required while training your woman to relieve herself properly. She may complain about finding the toilet seat up, but she will eventually learn that she can put the toilet seat down with a fraction of the energy she’d expend complaining about it.

You should reward her good behavior by giving her treats such as flowers (keep your eye out for half-off sales, or if you don’t mind carnations, stop by a cemetery), TV allowances that she can use to watch her favorite shows when you’re not at home, and if you’re feeling particularly generous, you could let her take you out to dinner instead of cooking for you.

If an accident should occur, you must exercise care not to overdo your punishment while still sending her a message that this is unacceptable behavior. Make sure that whatever command you say will be simple enough for her to remember easily.

These tips are taken together will help make your ownership experience a good one. Now woman of the 3adownlow... please don’t kill me, admit, this was funny. :D

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

As a proud woman-owner myself, I must admit these are useful tips in all areas concerning such matters. (I really hope my wife doesn't decide to come on here and look at what I have been posting...):D

[mustang59]

Now woman of the 3adownlow... please don’t kill me, admit, this was funny.

Actually, it isn't.

[pirate4state]

wow the guy who wrote this sure does have some time on his hands ... wonder why? :thinking: :thinking: ;)

[mustang59]

Now woman of the 3adownlow... please don’t kill me, admit, this was funny.

Actually, it isn't.

[pirate4state]

Bars/Clubs
If women are like steaks, then the big greasy chunks of gristle that are left over after you finish the meal are what you’ll find in the bars. Fortunately, there is a way to separate out the high-quality women from the low in bars and clubs. When you stand near a woman, listen for a faint whistling noise coming from between her legs, as if wind were passing through a large, hollow cavern. If you hear this sound, your prospective women may have a condition commonly referred to as “whore.” Be wary of these women, as clubs tend to harbor many of them.

the above garnered a "SCREAM" laugh from me - especially the "whistling" LMAO! :D

[Adidas410s]

I expected to open the thread and see this instead...

"is impossible"

:eek: :eek: :eek:

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by Adidas410s
I expected to open the thread and see this instead...

"is impossible"

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Whatever!

All of you men would be BORED with an obedient wife :rolleyes:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by pirate4state
Whatever!

All of you men would be BORED with an obedient wife :rolleyes:


I am the "sparkplug" in my home.....when I am not here, everyone is bored!!:D :D

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I am the "sparkplug" in my home.....when I am not here, everyone is bored!!:D :D

Exactly! Or left to their own devices they'd be sitting in week old underware on the couch!!! :eek: :eek:

[AP Panther Fan]

*Does she have black fingernails, nappy looking hair, scar tissue around her wrists, bags under her eyes, or creepy pink thigh-high stocking? (All these say “head case.” Be wary, these women can be exhilarating at times, but you’re just as likely to have your “friend” cut off in your sleep.)


Lol....scar tissue!:D

This whole thing makes me :dispntd:

[luvhoops34]

Originally posted by pirate4state
Exactly! Or left to their own devices they'd be sitting in week old underware on the couch!!! :eek: :eek:

My husband would definitely resemble that remark if left alone!:D

Oh, and I am not an obedient wife. Never have been and never will be.:hand:

[DU_stud04]

:D

[CenTexSports]

Nobody wants an obedient wife, they want a submissive one.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by CenTexSports
Nobody wants an obedient wife, they want a submissive one.

That is probably all a "nobody" CAN get!!

[CenTexSports]

That is not true. I married an obedient and submissive wife, but I did not know that they were like caterpillars and that they change and never go back.

[DU_stud04]

maddox is a crazy man,his website brings up a lot of controversy and he has more people that hate him than a bad sports star. and i didnt write that, its from his book "The Alphabet of Manliness"...just so happened to be the book in front of me while i practiced my typing speed. im getting faster and its all thanks to instant messenger...hahaha :D

maddox website (http://maddox.xmission.com/)

[mustang59]

I don't think that post was the least little bit funny. It shows a true hostility towards women and is completely disrespectful. As a woman and the mother of a daughter I'm offended by it and I think any real man should find it disgusting. I would NEVER post something like this about men because of those I love.
Whoever wrote this is an idiot as is the person who posted it.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by CenTexSports
That is not true. I married an obedient and submissive wife, but I did not know that they were like caterpillars and that they change and never go back.

:hand: Whatever!!

You just THOUGHT you married an obedient and submissive wife.

Your problem is, you talk too much on here. If you have been married 20+ years and only the last 5 have been "happily"....then I figure that must have been about the time you decided she wasn't required to be "Obedient and Submissive"!!!!:p :p :p

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by mustang59
I don't think that post was the least little bit funny. It shows a true hostility towards women and is completely disrespectful. As a woman and the mother of a daughter I'm offended by it and I think any real man should find it disgusting. I would NEVER post something like this about men because of those I love.
Whoever wrote this is an idiot as is the person who posted it.

Call me an idiot too then, because I have been guilty of posting and participating in "battle of the sex" threads for the past 5 years.

It's all in good fun and not ever taken seriously!!

I don't think DU_stud is an idiot at all....and I know him personally!!

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by mustang59
I don't think that post was the least little bit funny. It shows a true hostility towards women and is completely disrespectful. As a woman and the mother of a daughter I'm offended by it and I think any real man should find it disgusting. I would NEVER post something like this about men because of those I love.
Whoever wrote this is an idiot as is the person who posted it. I'm really sorry you feel this way. I took it with a grain of salt, but then that is just how I am. Rarely does ANYTHING offend me. I have met du_stud and he is far from being an idiot. A nerd maybe, but not an idiot!

[mustang59]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Call me an idiot too then, because I have been guilty of posting and participating in "battle of the sex" threads for the past 5 years.

It's all in good fun and not ever taken seriously!!

I don't think DU_stud is an idiot at all....and I know him personally!!
I'm all for good natured teasing, but I still think this is going too far. I would be just as offended if it were about men.

[mustang59]

Originally posted by pirate4state
I'm really sorry you feel this way. I took it with a grain of salt, but then that is just how I am. Rarely does ANYTHING offend me. I have met du_stud and he is far from being an idiot. A nerd maybe, but not an idiot!
I'm also rarely offended, but this really bothers me.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by mustang59
I'm also rarely offended, but this really bothers me.

Well maybe this one will get a chuckle out of you. Ironically, my uncle just sent it to me via email!!


Fall Classes for Men at
THE ADULTLEARNINGCENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30,2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by mustang59
I'm all for good natured teasing, but I still think this is going too far. I would be just as offended if it were about men.


put down the purse, put your big girl panties on and deal with it.. its a joke on a message board.

[SintonFan]

Originally posted by mustang59
I'm also rarely offended, but this really bothers me.
.
I'm easily offended by those who are offended...
.
Jeez, noone has a decent sense of humor anymore.
Dammm you PC!!!:mad:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by SintonFan
.
.
Jeez, noone has a decent sense of humor anymore.


Hey now.....SOME of us do!!!:D

[SintonFan]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Hey now.....SOME of us do!!!:D
.
I know you folks do(thats a given).
But those who are offended by this kind of stuff offend me.

[Buccaneer]

I admire women!

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

for the record MRS. Mustang59, I love my wife dearly. But she and I both know the difference between teasing and being serious. You have the right to be offended, sure. No one is taking that right away from you. But COME ON!! THAT WAS JUST A JOKE. I have personally read alot of the book that this excerpt comes from and its just down-right funny. Say and think what you will about everyone's tastes here, but I tell you what, the same thing can be said to you that has been to those who are ROM'd now; if you dont like the way the board is ran, GO SOME PLACE ELSE!! I'd liketo nominate this thread for the "See this board isn't as strict as everyone thinks" award, if possible.:D

[Matthew328]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Well maybe this one will get a chuckle out of you. Ironically, my uncle just sent it to me via email!!


Fall Classes for Men at
THE ADULTLEARNINGCENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30,2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.


I need class 7, 9, 13 and 14

[Chris Hart]

I personally thought it was great, but, that's just me. I should've been born a hundred years ago, or at least that's what I've been told...:D

[bobcat1]

Originally posted by CenTexSports
Nobody wants an obedient wife, they want a submissive one. I like mine with some fire in them. Mine does. Sitting around in week old underwear ain't me. Mine does what I tell her until she decides she don't want to anymore. That is the fire part. That is usually fun as steppin' on baby chickens when you get to the making up part. :D

(Apology inserted)

[SintonFan]

Originally posted by bobcat1
I like mine with some fire in them. Mine does. Sitting around in week old underwear ain't me. Mine does what I tell her until she decides she don't want to anymore. That is the fire part. That is usually fun as steppin' on baby chickens when you get to the making up part. :D
.
lol
Mine is half-Irish so I know something about fire. She broke my nose finally and brags about it to her sailor buddies. They sell Avon but I still let her talk to them...:nerd: :D

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by bobcat1
Geez oh pete. mustang59 take a chill pill or is it that time that your auntie visits each month? Good grief Ms Charlie Brown :D Was this really necessary? :rolleyes:

[bobcat1]

Originally posted by pirate4state
Was this really necessary? :rolleyes:
Probably not this morning but last night my judgement may have been altered a little. You are free to clean what's left. I apologize.:doh: