smustangs
04-25-2007, 08:10 PM
The IRS decides to audit Ray & summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ray shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle & no full- time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler & I can prove it," says Ray. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment & said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ray says, "I'll bet you a $1,000 that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment & says, "No way! It's a bet." Ray removes his glass eye & bites it.The auditor's jaw drops. Ray says, "Now, I'll bet you $2,000 that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Ray isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ray removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered & lost 3 grand, with Ray's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ray asks "I'll bet you $6,000 that I can stand on one side of your desk & pee into that wastebasket on the other side & never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully & decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ray stands beside the desk & unzips his pants,but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ray's attorney moans & puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ray told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here & piss all over your desk & that you'd be happy about it."
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle & no full- time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler & I can prove it," says Ray. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment & said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ray says, "I'll bet you a $1,000 that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment & says, "No way! It's a bet." Ray removes his glass eye & bites it.The auditor's jaw drops. Ray says, "Now, I'll bet you $2,000 that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Ray isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ray removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered & lost 3 grand, with Ray's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ray asks "I'll bet you $6,000 that I can stand on one side of your desk & pee into that wastebasket on the other side & never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully & decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ray stands beside the desk & unzips his pants,but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side,so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ray's attorney moans & puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ray told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here & piss all over your desk & that you'd be happy about it."