Things you learned the Hard way.

[Bubba-Joe]

List some of the things that you learned the Hard way.

For instance I learned that you should never play poker with some one that they call Ace or that has a nickname that begins with a U.S. State ( Texas Jack, Oklahoma Slim, the Jersey Boy).

Never try and keep up drinking beer with a man whose nickname is Big Nasty.

That the cost to bail a buddie out of the Lampasas County jail the weekend of the Spring Ho Festivile is usually around $400.00

That if you get into a fight in a bar in Killeen Texas make sure you have some friends that are members of either the 1st Cav. or the 4th Inv Divisions - (that right there is one handy bit of information.)

and that most the time when you argue with an idiot you tend to confuse folks that are watching and they sometimes don't know who the real idiot is.

[Ray_BearKat]

I learned you should by a black car unless you intend to wash it everyday...parents told me but it looked nice on the lot :D

[garageoffice]

Don't ever shoot a BB gun at a rubber tire.

Raise the garage door BEFORE you start shooting baskets.

Never believe your wife when she says, "Please don't buy me anything for <your occasion here>."

Black Cat firecrackers are really powerful.

Moms can read your mind!

The only thing that travels faster than emergency information in a small town is news of your poor choices.

[Bubba-Joe]

Originally posted by garageoffice

Never believe your wife when she says, "Please don't buy me anything for <your occasion here>."



Aint that the Gawds Honest Truth!!!!

Women are notorious Liars about such things.

always buy a card for the following

Birthdays
anniversarys
valentines
and the end of her uh well you know that certain time of the month when all women turn into a sack of hormones
Gosh almighty they go straight running crazy and you are WRONG no matter what you say or do

Husband/Boyfriend :Honey I love you, is there anything I can do to help you ?

Wife/girlfriend during that special time: NO YOU DON'T LOVE ME --- You think I am FAT and I know you were looking at my (sister/best friend/ any other women in a radius of oh say 500 miles) well just go and be with her you like her better anyway!!!!!!

[turbostud]

The cops between Eldorado and Sonora dont like it when you drive on their highway on your way to Mexico with a trunk full of beer.

[big daddy russ]

Taft, Texas may be the most crooked town this side of the Nuevo Laredo.

If the Spurs win the championship, you can celebrate with me by visiting the local police station.

Don't give a single homeless guy money if there are any more than three to the herd.

Never tell a woman more information than is necessary. You'll forget it within 24 hours. She'll use it to blackmail you 24 years later.

If I've already consumed an 18-pack, don't encourage me to drink more.

Anytime we go to Garner, bring the first aid kit.

You break it, you buy it. This applies to a woman's heart as well. Especially Mexicans. Unfortunately, the price is a little bit of dignity and quite a bit of fear.

If a smoking hot woman wants to go home with you within 15 minutes of meeting, take a pass.

If an ugly woman wants to go home with you, regardless of the time it took to land her, take a pass.

If you realize that the woman who's taking you home had already asked four of your friends the same thing, take a pass.

If you've had more than eight drinks, take a picture with your camera phone and get her number, and then take a pass.

If, during any of the above situations, the girl has an attractive friend she wants to bring along, then you may ignore these suggestions and go. But use a Goodyear for protection.

[RMAC]

If you sit on the ground in the Depot District at 2 AM in Lubbock, it doesn't matter how nice your clothes are, people will give you money because they're drunk and think you're homeless.

It doesn't matter how honest and/or cooperative and/or willing to give him a beer or two, when talking with an LPD officer, you will still get an MIP.

Don't pee upwind - my father

Don't make more work for yourself - my father

The only part of college that is fun is not having your parents around. - me

[DU_stud04]

a big block of wood isnt a frisbee

dont ever talk to a girl name linette. she is crazy and her dad is in the mafia.

if something looks hot, it probly is.

cops are apples(hold you tongue and say it)

always be on your toes, once those heels touch, even a caveman can knock you on your behind.

Persian women are the work of the devil.

Persian women are the masterpiece from the devil.

dont sweat the small stuff.

dont lend money if you want it back.

even though its all you can eat....dont try and eat it all.

including thanksgiving.

and Christmas.

and any other big celebration.

some of the best things in life are free. take a look at the sunset, walk out on the beach.

credit cards are not the upscale version of "layway". who cares if you get it now and pay later, its not worth it.

people in dallas area hate the spurs, and anyone who wears a spurs jersey into a bar at 2am after spurs beat the mavs. it usually ends up in a fight.

dont ever wait to say something, say what you have to say when you have to say it, and make sure you say it. something like that shouldnt be unsaid.

making your own explosives sometimes goes wrong. and very bad.

never call a girl by the wrong name in bed.

homeless people are never at the fast food places.....catch them outside of walmart asking for a loaf of bread.

charity starts in my pocket, a penny saved is a penny earned.

never leave a girl on the lookout when your shooting water balloons off of a parking garage onto campus. they dont tell you when the cops get there...

720lbs on leg press isnt light and will hurt your knee if you already have a torn mcl.

never box a boxer unless you plan to lose.






Persian women are the devil.








i am an idiot.

[Gobbla2001]

do not drink anything close to five beers and drive in Jackson County...

[Gobbla2001]

don't get whupped...

[jason]

women suck

[Gobbla2001]

if someone says it tastes like chicken, chances are it does NOT taste like chicken...

do not bbq crap-faced drunk or cut potatoes crap-faced drunk

do not eat with a fork crap-faced drunk, I don't care what it is, use your hands or a spoon

do not get crap-faced drunk

if you decide to go turkey hunting with a 270, remember to reload very quickly after firing and stay put

if someone you do not know starts spilling their whole lives to you shortly after meeting them, and alcohol is not involved, start making your way toword an exit...

when the guadalupe is down, and you're taking a friend who is not very light, prepare yourself before hand to play the waiting game... and make sure they do not have a messed up arm because they are going to have to crab-walk themselves halfway down the river to begin with...

do not tell drunk preppy guys at a Reckless Kelly show that "Reckless Kelly's middle name is not F***ing"... they almost wanted to kill me...

if it's too good to be true, run like hell

when little, never play the "okay, go hide, and we're gunna make you a drink out of random stuff in the fridge, you come back, drink it, then make us a drink out of random stuff in the fridge..." game with your step-brothers... you may find they never opened the fridge to get you that "special" drink... ugheww

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by jason
women suck

on a good night...BADA BING

[theyoefnshow]

never buy condoms from the bathroom in a gas station.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by jason
women suck

I was going to make some kind of funny reply to this myself, but I reminded myself I am a grandmother for heaven's sake :D :D

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by theyoefnshow
never buy condoms from the bathroom in a gas station.
Unless you need RED ones! :devil: :devil:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by theyoefnshow
never buy condoms from the bathroom in a gas station.

Unless of course you are using them to make tail lights...and then in that case, you won't be able to find red ones anyway!:D :D

Do not take an entire package of convenience store "pep pills" at one time (There are directions on the package for a reason!!):crazy1:

Don't walk upstairs (or downstairs for that matter) with your hands in your pockets.

Do not drink too much the previous night and mistake hair conditioner for toothpaste the next morning. It does nothing good for your teeth and even worse things to your already "not so stable stomach"!


and most importantly....

What happens on the road trip STAYS on the road trip!!:eek: :eek: :p

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Unless you need RED ones! :devil: :devil:

ROFL...GMTA once again!!!!

[theyoefnshow]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Unless you need RED ones! :devil: :devil:

I don't get it.....

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by theyoefnshow
I don't get it.....

dont tell me u havent seen that story
:doh:

[pirate44]

Originally posted by big daddy russ
Taft, Texas may be the most crooked town this side of the Nuevo Laredo.


I tend to be right with ya there, but could be swayed to think Robstown is too.

[CHS_CG]

never stand to close to a fence when you are shootin coke cans off with a bb gun... it will come back to hit ya!

[loboes86]

Never pee on a electric fence drunk or not !:eek:

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
on a good night...BADA BING

:evillol: :evillol: :evillol: :D

[pirate4state]

do not mix antibotics and robitussin

sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the nicest thing you can do :D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by theyoefnshow
I don't get it.....

blast from the past (http://bbs.3adownlow.com/vb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14230)

[pero chato]

If an M80 is accidently lit inside a home, do not try to extinguish it by throwing it in the toilet.

[pirate44]

Originally posted by pirate4state
do not mix antibotics and robitussin

sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the nicest thing you can do :D
on that note, dont mix dayquil and margueritas. especially when your trying to watch a juiced white dude break a 37 year old homerun record or any other seemingly important milestone

[Snyder_TigerFan]

Originally posted by pero chato
If an M80 is accidently lit inside a home, do not try to extinguish it by throwing it in the toilet.

Haha....that is funny. What happened? Any damage to the toilet or just water everywhere?

[stangGirl2007]

Never sleep in a jacket it mid july:eek:

Always make sure there are no candles behind your head while you are in the bathroom:(

No matter how small you may think you are.. NEVER try to squeeze yourself through a locked tennis fence

[pero chato]

Originally posted by Snyder_TigerFan
Haha....that is funny. What happened? Any damage to the toilet or just water everywhere?

The entire bowl was shattered which led to water everywhere.

[stangGirl2007]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Unless of course you are using them to make tail lights...and then in that case, you won't be able to find red ones anyway!:D :D


:D :D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by stangGirl2007
Never sleep in a jacket it mid july:eek:

Always make sure there are no candles behind your head while you are in the bathroom:(

No matter how small you may think you are.. NEVER try to squeeze yourself through a locked tennis fence

Never EVER trust two boys to get you through a doorway in a pappasan chair while you are sitting in it......they WILL turn it sideways and you WILL end up on the floor!!

ROFL!!!!

[GreenMonster]

You should always erase text messages from your pohone before allowing your children to borrow said phone.

"Lick my thighs." is an inappropriate text message to leave unerased on your phone before allowing your children to borrow your phone.

Lew P has gone off the deep end.

Immodium AD should be a requirement for travel. More specifically air travel.

Just because you have cruise control in your car doesn't mean that it also has automatic pilot as well. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!

Rickadamus is the man.

If your shoes are too small, they will hurt your feet.

If your underwear is too tight it will hurt your feet.

No, that area can't really be measured in feet.

For some reason it costs a city government 300 times more to build anything that what it costs a private citizen.

Squirrels will chew through wiring.

Some men actually do look like a woman when dressed in drag. (spit)

Don't call me Shirley.

Batteries are not included.

It's not a good thing to see your preacher at the XXX store.

KY Warming Gel is actually worth it's weight in gold.

The washing machine effect, even in spin cycle, is over-rated.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by GreenMonster
You should always erase text messages from your pohone before allowing your children to borrow said phone.

"Lick my thighs." is an inappropriate text message to leave unerased on your phone before allowing your children to borrow your phone.



**DISCLAIMER**

That was NOT my phone...it was my husbands.

He gave it to "the child" NOT me!!:D :D

[Txbroadcaster]

Just because a prinicpal of a school leaves her keys in the car it does NOT mean it is ok to take the car to Dallas

[GreenMonster]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
**DISCLAIMER**

That was NOT my phone...it was my husbands.

He gave it to "the child" NOT me!!:D :D

Ummmmmm, I'm not sure but I think you just told on yourself. I left it open ended so that it would look like me to anyone that didn't already know the story. Oh well, too late now. :D

[BuffyMars]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
Just because a prinicpal of a school leaves her keys in the car it does NOT mean it is ok to take the car to Dallas

Hahaha!!! :clap: :clap:

I haven't even read what this thread is about, but when I saw Terry's comment...I knew right away! :D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by GreenMonster
Ummmmmm, I'm not sure but I think you just told on yourself. I left it open ended so that it would look like me to anyone that didn't already know the story. Oh well, too late now. :D

Heck....I figured by now EVERYONE knew the story!!

:p

[BuffyMars]

When the cop tells you to "Come to Jesus son..."

Its time to tell the truth.

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by BuffyMars
Hahaha!!! :clap: :clap:

I haven't even read what this thread is about, but when I saw Terry's comment...I knew right away! :D


What I did not mean me..it was uhhh a friend we will name Rerry

[BuffyMars]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
What I did not mean me..it was uhhh a friend we will name Rerry

Ruh-roh Rerry. Rut rav ru rotten rus rinto ris rime?

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by BuffyMars
Ruh-roh Rerry. Rut rav ru rotten rus rinto ris rime?

Your a friggin crazy person..CRAZY

[GreenMonster]

Getting the "Golden" shower is not really as pleasant as it sounds.

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on, see above.

A good Rangermom Storytime is the best 35 - 40 minutes you will have all month, maybe even all year.

In Texas, you have just as good a chance to predict the actual weather as the dude that gets paid to predict the weather on the TV.

Metrosexuals have no place in West Texas. The homosexuals learned that in the 80's.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure actually helped Keanu Reeves' career.

Chris Farley was the funniest man on the planet.

The Palo Pinto County Jail is not a fun place to spent the Fourth of July.

Open containers and boats do not mix well with game wardens.

Just because your father tells you that you have one "get out of jaill free card" with him does not mean that you should ever try to collect on it. It's better to just call a bondsman.

Just because you put oversize tires on you K5 Blazer does not mean it will float like Bigfoot.

Putting too much accelerator on your charcoal brickettes can result in loss of all arm hair and potential loss of your eyebrows upon ignition.

[stangGirl2007]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Never EVER trust two boys to get you through a doorway in a pappasan chair while you are sitting in it......they WILL turn it sideways and you WILL end up on the floor!!

ROFL!!!!


ROFL! That could have been fatal!:eek:

[44INAROW]

Don't even TRY to replace the Ozarka bottle on the dispenser when you've been drinking Crown and making sausage all day. Any idea how many towels it takes to dry up 5 gallons of water on a tile floor??:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: He KNEW he was dead meat - I wish I had a video of him trying to wipe up all that water with a kitchen towel..... I was trying SO HARD not to laugh..........:D :D

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by stangGirl2007
ROFL! That could have been fatal!:eek:


Imagine all the quiet laughing at her memorial service

[stangGirl2007]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
Imagine all the quiet laughing at her memorial service

Well gee thanks!:mad: :mad:

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by stangGirl2007
Well gee thanks!:mad: :mad:


LOL sorry but if I bite the bullet in a funny way I HOPE at my service people are rolling in the floors laughing

[BIG BLUE DEFENSIVE END]

Making love to blow-up doll not as good as advertised.

[BuffyMars]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
LOL sorry but if I bite the bullet in a funny way I HOPE at my service people are rolling in the floors laughing

If you only knew how serious he is...we have actually talked about ways in which he wishes to go, and what kind of mockery he wants the funeral to be. :crazy:

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by BuffyMars
If you only knew how serious he is...we have actually talked about ways in which he wishes to go, and what kind of mockery he wants the funeral to be. :crazy:

Yep

I dont want a feel good service where people talk about how great of a person I was...I want people who DID NOT LIKE ME to talk about how much of a jerk I was

I dont want sad music playing..I want cheesy 80's rock songs that were played during work out montages in movies.

At some point in the service I want to pop out of coffin like a jack in the box..just be funny for one last shock

[smustangs]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
Yep

I dont want a feel good service where people talk about how great of a person I was...I want people who DID NOT LIKE ME to talk about how much of a jerk I was

I dont want sad music playing..I want cheesy 80's rock songs that were played during work out montages in movies.

At some point in the service I want to pop out of coffin like a jack in the box..just be funny for one last shock

haha thats great im sure someone could rig up some hydraulics and catapalut(SP?) you out of there. That would be the best one.

[DU_stud04]

Originally posted by BIG BLUE DEFENSIVE END
Making love to blow-up doll not as good as advertised. :clap: :clap: :clap:

[smustangs]

mail order bride ads should have warning stickers that read "contents is larger than appears and may not be as pretty either"

[pirate44]

sunday morning is much more painful then a saturday night of habanero wings and beer :(

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by Txbroadcaster
Yep

...I want people who DID NOT LIKE ME to talk about how much of a jerk I was

G$$ says he can't wait that long, TXB. :D

[smustangs]

the saying "akward mornings beat boring nights" is not always true.

if u wake up in a strange place with an ugly woman call the local cab service they prolly know were your at and can come get you.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by smustangs
the saying "akward mornings beat boring nights" is not always true.

if u wake up in a strange place with an ugly woman call the local cab service they prolly know were your at and can come get you.

you mean one of those nights when you get to bed @ 2 with a 10 and woke up @ 10 with a 2? :p

[smustangs]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
you mean one of those nights when you get to bed @ 2 with a 10 and woke up @ 10 with a 2? :p

exactly she looked like shania twain only she was shorter and her face was different

[Txbroadcaster]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
G$$ says he can't wait that long, TXB. :D

HAHAHA SCORE!!!

Of course he would take the time to complain about TO

[DU_stud04]

never look into prince's eyes.... youll fall in love.

[Bullaholic]

Don't ever try to light the gas grill after leaving the gas on while looking for matches for 30 seconds. Your steaks will be in your neighbor's yard and you will be recovering from second dgree burns over 60% of your body and you won't be able to hear for 3 days.

[smustangs]

never spray lighter fluid straight from the bottle on the fire.

alcohol, lighterfluid, and matches do not mix well.

do not jump terraces by big oak tress

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by smustangs
never spray lighter fluid straight from the bottle on the fire.

:thinking: :thinking: I've done this plenty of times. No mishaps for me. :D

[GreenMonster]

Regardless of what you see on TV, never try to ride a horse bareback while only wearing a loin cloth. Trust me, Tonto was one tough SOB!

[smustangs]

Originally posted by pirate4state
:thinking: :thinking: I've done this plenty of times. No mishaps for me. :D

i have to but my roommate wasnt so lucky his left arm has no hair and part of his eyebrows are gone now. it sucked back up in the bottle and thank god there wasnt very much lighter fluid left or it could have really been bad.

[LH Panther Mom]

lhpd learned these.......

* When your friends tell you that the roasted habanero (that you've never heard of) has a "bit of a bite" to it, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM.

* When slicing & gutting numerous jalapenos, it's best to NOT go to the bathroom for awhile if you haven't worn rubber gloves. :doh:

[GreenMonster]

Men, do NOT have sex if your partner has a yeast infection. You too will soon have one as well if you do.

[smustangs]

Originally posted by GreenMonster
Men, do NOT have sex if your partner has a yeast infection. You too will soon have one as well if you do.

i am not even going to ask haha :eek:

[Bullaholic]

Men, do not let certain parts of your anatomy touch the steps of an aluminum ladder when repairing outdoor lighting. You will set the world hop-step-jump record if the hot wire goes to ground thru you when you test it.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by GreenMonster
Getting the "Golden" shower is not really as pleasant as it sounds.

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on, see above.


visual alert :eek: :eek:

[LH Panther Mom]

It's a bad idea to lean over with your rolling desk chair to reach something 5 ft away. :(

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
It's a bad idea to lean over with your rolling desk chair to reach something 5 ft away. :(

You faw down--go BOOM? ----Been there, done that LHPM. :D

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
You faw down--go BOOM? ----Been there, done that LHPM. :D Not only that, but the chair fell on top of me & I was trapped between the seat and back. I was literally ROFL'ing. :D :doh: :doh:


Just one of things you know ahead of time is going to turn out badly, and you just watch it unfold.

[DU_stud04]

if you roll around in your sleep on a sleeper couch, the couch might eat you, and its not fun

[stangGirl2007]

Originally posted by DU_stud04
if you roll around in your sleep on a sleeper couch, the couch might eat you, and its not fun
:eek: :eek: I don't want my couch to eat me! I am never sleeping there again

[mustang59]

Before backing out of the garage always check to see where your husband parked his car. Insurance companies do not have a sense of humor.

[JJ7997]

When in the woods always be on the lookout for those game cameras, cause you may later end up a semi-celebrity.

[Snyder_TigerFan]

When there is 50+ MPH wind gusts, be sure to move you vehicle out from under the mobile basketball goal.:(

[Maroon87]

Never come home from work at the exact same time every day. The first time you're late, you get the "are you cheating on me?" routine. :rolleyes:

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Maroon87
The first time you're late, you get the "are you cheating on me?" routine. :rolleyes:
Well.....?????? :thinking: :thinking: ;)

[Maroon87]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Well.....?????? :thinking: :thinking: ;)

:hand: ;)

I think my exact response was..."No, but I could start if you'd like me to."


The couch was very hard that night. :doh:

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Maroon87


I think my exact response was..."No, but I could start if you'd like me to."


The couch was very hard that night. :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: