burnet44
01-30-2007, 01:28 PM
Is it Jerry's turn to coach?
funny stuff
funny stuff
Is it Jerry's turn to coach?
Stick with me on this ... Jerry needs to be the man with the whistle
11:42 AM CST on Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Jean-Jacques Taylor
There's just no good way to spin Norv Turner's 58-82-1 coaching record. None of the other candidates to become the seventh head coach in franchise history are sexy either.
Truthfully, does hiring Wade Phillips make you want to go out and buy four season tickets at the 50? What about Gary Gibbs or Jason Garrett or Mike Singletary, who's interviewing today?
No. No, no and no, though Singletary is intriguing.
So maybe Jerry Jones should try a fresh approach and ditch his list of candidates. You know where I'm going with this, don't you?
That's right, Jerry should stop with pretense and name himself head coach.
Before you pull a muscle laughing or fire off a nasty e-mail, think about this: George Halas and Paul Brown once owned teams and successfully coached them. I know it was a long time ago, but don't get caught up in the details.
Jerry has already hired Garrett as the offensive coordinator, and one of the worst-kept secrets at the club's Valley Ranch training complex is that Todd Bowles is expected to be named defensive coordinator.
If he's already got the coordinators picked out, Jerry should coach the team. He can even use Bill Parcells' whistle, which the former coach gave to public relations director Rich Dalrymple as a gift.
Heck, Jerry already spends the second half of most games on the sideline wearing a coat and tie. Now all he has to add is some tennis shoes and put a red beanbag in his back pocket so he can challenge calls.
The NFL recently relaxed its rules regarding sideline attire, so there's no problem with Jerry wearing a suit on the sideline.
This also means Carrie Underwood will have more room in Jerry's suite for her friends when she comes to watch Tony Romo play.
More important, instead of speaking to the media in the middle of a smelly locker room surrounded by sweaty players, Jerry will get to stand at a podium and address the media. A new coach would've been burdened by questions about whether he's Jerry's puppet. That never becomes an issue if Jerry hires himself.
Jerry has already told Terrell Owens he'll be on the team next season. A new coach might not have wanted Owens, which could've become a point of contention. This way, T.O. will be on his best behavior. Each week, T.O. can give Jerry a list of his favorite plays and feel confident that Garrett – unlike Todd Haley – will make sure at least 10 passes are thrown to him in the first quarter of every game so he'll be focused in the fourth quarter.
Hiring himself would also save Jerry money. After paying Parcells about $20 million for a 34-32 record and no playoff wins the past four years, he's not about to spend that type of money again. Don't forget, Chan Gailey and Dave Campo were among the lowest-paid head coaches in the NFL when they coached the Cowboys.
Jerry is already a millionaire many times over, so he could pay himself a salary of $1. Trust me, he'd make it up in revenue the club receives from the league. Jones loves talking football, so he could have an hour-long news conference each day. Parcells kept his to 30 minutes.
The NFL Network would broadcast it daily, and it would be must-see TV. You can only guess how much ads would cost during the Jerry hour, but I guarantee you subscriptions to the network would increase exponentially, as would the Cowboys' cut from the network's success.
And think what it would do for the marketing department if Jerry hired himself. The Cowboys have one of the world's most recognizable logos. Now their owner would have Q rating comparable to Muhammad Ali or Michael Jordan.
Not only would he grace the cover of every sports magazine, but you'd see Jerry's mug on GQ, Esquire and Money. Maybe even Rolling Stone will come calling. Jerry would be on the front page – not just of the sports section – of every major newspaper in the country, and he wouldn't have time for all of the national TV and radio interviews, though I'm betting he'd find time for Larry King Live and 60 Minutes.
No doubt, a segment of the Cowboys' fans would be outraged. Of course, those same fans were probably mad the day Jerry hired Barry Switzer, but they certainly enjoyed the Cowboys' win over Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XXX.
Jerry once said he could hire any one of 500 coaches to coach the Cowboys. Now he's got the opportunity to do it himself. I say give it a whirl.
The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game in 10 years. Surely Jerry couldn't do any worse, could he?
funny stuff
funny stuff
Is it Jerry's turn to coach?
Stick with me on this ... Jerry needs to be the man with the whistle
11:42 AM CST on Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Jean-Jacques Taylor
There's just no good way to spin Norv Turner's 58-82-1 coaching record. None of the other candidates to become the seventh head coach in franchise history are sexy either.
Truthfully, does hiring Wade Phillips make you want to go out and buy four season tickets at the 50? What about Gary Gibbs or Jason Garrett or Mike Singletary, who's interviewing today?
No. No, no and no, though Singletary is intriguing.
So maybe Jerry Jones should try a fresh approach and ditch his list of candidates. You know where I'm going with this, don't you?
That's right, Jerry should stop with pretense and name himself head coach.
Before you pull a muscle laughing or fire off a nasty e-mail, think about this: George Halas and Paul Brown once owned teams and successfully coached them. I know it was a long time ago, but don't get caught up in the details.
Jerry has already hired Garrett as the offensive coordinator, and one of the worst-kept secrets at the club's Valley Ranch training complex is that Todd Bowles is expected to be named defensive coordinator.
If he's already got the coordinators picked out, Jerry should coach the team. He can even use Bill Parcells' whistle, which the former coach gave to public relations director Rich Dalrymple as a gift.
Heck, Jerry already spends the second half of most games on the sideline wearing a coat and tie. Now all he has to add is some tennis shoes and put a red beanbag in his back pocket so he can challenge calls.
The NFL recently relaxed its rules regarding sideline attire, so there's no problem with Jerry wearing a suit on the sideline.
This also means Carrie Underwood will have more room in Jerry's suite for her friends when she comes to watch Tony Romo play.
More important, instead of speaking to the media in the middle of a smelly locker room surrounded by sweaty players, Jerry will get to stand at a podium and address the media. A new coach would've been burdened by questions about whether he's Jerry's puppet. That never becomes an issue if Jerry hires himself.
Jerry has already told Terrell Owens he'll be on the team next season. A new coach might not have wanted Owens, which could've become a point of contention. This way, T.O. will be on his best behavior. Each week, T.O. can give Jerry a list of his favorite plays and feel confident that Garrett – unlike Todd Haley – will make sure at least 10 passes are thrown to him in the first quarter of every game so he'll be focused in the fourth quarter.
Hiring himself would also save Jerry money. After paying Parcells about $20 million for a 34-32 record and no playoff wins the past four years, he's not about to spend that type of money again. Don't forget, Chan Gailey and Dave Campo were among the lowest-paid head coaches in the NFL when they coached the Cowboys.
Jerry is already a millionaire many times over, so he could pay himself a salary of $1. Trust me, he'd make it up in revenue the club receives from the league. Jones loves talking football, so he could have an hour-long news conference each day. Parcells kept his to 30 minutes.
The NFL Network would broadcast it daily, and it would be must-see TV. You can only guess how much ads would cost during the Jerry hour, but I guarantee you subscriptions to the network would increase exponentially, as would the Cowboys' cut from the network's success.
And think what it would do for the marketing department if Jerry hired himself. The Cowboys have one of the world's most recognizable logos. Now their owner would have Q rating comparable to Muhammad Ali or Michael Jordan.
Not only would he grace the cover of every sports magazine, but you'd see Jerry's mug on GQ, Esquire and Money. Maybe even Rolling Stone will come calling. Jerry would be on the front page – not just of the sports section – of every major newspaper in the country, and he wouldn't have time for all of the national TV and radio interviews, though I'm betting he'd find time for Larry King Live and 60 Minutes.
No doubt, a segment of the Cowboys' fans would be outraged. Of course, those same fans were probably mad the day Jerry hired Barry Switzer, but they certainly enjoyed the Cowboys' win over Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XXX.
Jerry once said he could hire any one of 500 coaches to coach the Cowboys. Now he's got the opportunity to do it himself. I say give it a whirl.
The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game in 10 years. Surely Jerry couldn't do any worse, could he?