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bobcat1
01-18-2007, 03:16 PM
Guys' Rules (sent to me by one of my wife's friends, smart woman)

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1)Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1)Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1)Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1)Crying is blackmail.

1)Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1)Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1)Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.! ;That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1)A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1)Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1)If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1)If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1)If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1)You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
1)If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1)Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1)Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1)ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1)If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1)If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1)If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1)When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1)Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1)You have enough clothes.

1)You have too many shoes.

1)I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
:D

DU_stud04
01-18-2007, 03:18 PM
these all should be numbered 1.... so girls don't think one is more important than the other one. :thumbsup:

bobcat1
01-18-2007, 03:23 PM
Fixed!

DU_stud04
01-18-2007, 03:24 PM
:clap: :clap: :clap: great, i love it

ASUFrisbeeStud
01-18-2007, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by bobcat1

1)If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.


:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Don't you wish you could actually say this to a woman?

3afan
01-18-2007, 03:53 PM
this is the 6th time this has been posted ... but some are still funny, and they're all true .... ;)

Ranger Mom
01-18-2007, 03:56 PM
Originally posted by 3afan
this is the 6th time this has been posted ... but some are still funny, and they're all true .... ;)

I even agreed with them....all 6 times it was posted!!:D :D

Cameron Crazy
01-18-2007, 03:57 PM
Good!

bobcat1
01-18-2007, 04:22 PM
I am sure sorry I posted it. I am new and never saw it before. Next time I will check with one of the patron saints to see if I am duplicating anything. Lord knows I am the only one that does that around here. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

pirate4state
01-18-2007, 04:23 PM
Originally posted by bobcat1
I am sure sorry I posted it. I am new and never saw it before. Next time I will check with one of the patron saints to see if I am duplicating anything. Lord knows I am the only one that does that around here. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

See that you do!!! :nerd: :nerd: :nerd:

:D ;)

pirate4state
01-18-2007, 04:24 PM
Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I even agreed with them....all 6 times it was posted!!:D :D

I agree. Those are funny.

bobcat1
01-18-2007, 04:26 PM
Originally posted by pirate4state
See that you do!!! :nerd: :nerd: :nerd:

:D ;) Yes Maam:D

bobcat1
01-18-2007, 06:34 PM
Billy Fred, Now you will get it! :p

charlesrixey
01-18-2007, 08:16 PM
look at that!

thanks du-stud for the numbering system!

piratebg
01-18-2007, 08:19 PM
Originally posted by bobcat1
I am sure sorry I posted it. I am new and never saw it before. Next time I will check with one of the patron saints to see if I am duplicating anything. Lord knows I am the only one that does that around here. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


No apologies needed. Every now and then the ladies need a little reminder, so in that respect, thank you. :)

bobcat1
01-18-2007, 08:49 PM
Originally posted by piratebg
No apologies needed. Every now and then the ladies need a little reminder, so in that respect, thank you. :) Uh would you hate me if I told you that was a sarcastic apology? :D

piratebg
01-18-2007, 08:50 PM
Originally posted by bobcat1
Uh would you hate me if I told you that was a sarcastic apology? :D


Not at all. The list puts a smile on my face every time I read it. :D

bobcat1
01-18-2007, 08:50 PM
And I am always quick with the pimp hand if you need it! :D

charlesrixey
01-18-2007, 09:03 PM
Originally posted by bobcat1
And I am always quick with the pimp hand if you need it! :D

it's always great to hear someone born during the eisenhower administration say that!
:)

carter08
01-18-2007, 09:09 PM
rules are for squares

p.s.
i did not read the post

Ranger Mom
01-18-2007, 09:12 PM
Originally posted by carter08
rules are for squares

p.s.
i did not read the post

I didn't know people still used the term "square"!

bobcat1
01-20-2007, 11:29 AM
Originally posted by charlesrixey
it's always great to hear someone born during the eisenhower administration say that!
:) Hey when you raise 4 boys ages 28-17 and now a grandson, you have to keep up with the times. I have a great relationship with my boys. We mouth each other all the time. We are best of friends. They are all coming over today to grill lunch outside for me and Mom. They know I keep my Pimp Hand Strong! LOL

BILLYFRED0000
01-20-2007, 11:31 AM
I will add these and then you can tell me if they have been posted.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".


3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress,
but you may never ask who's playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...
and it's delivered by a topless model and only then when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the stones.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game
and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

21: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

22: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have keep up with her.
Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or stones But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS"
is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"STONES"
is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the bottom and having the stones to say, "You're next!"