Offseason fun for men: Contribute a MAN-LAW

[htowntransplant]

ok lets be original. avoid using the TV ones. ill start by adding a manlaw. When you contribute, number your manlaw in sequential order in accordance with the previous manlaws so we can keep track of how many we have by the end of the offseason (or whenever this thread ends, which may be a long time from now). Remember to keep them respectable and clean. We have to keep in mind that 3 of the mods are women! :p also, contribute no more than 3 per post. everyone needs to get a chance to voice their opinion.

ill start:

1) At game time, women may not cling, chatter, or annoy you if your favorite team is losing, unless in an unavoidable family event, such as family coming to visit. Women shall never taunt you if you team is losing under ANY circumstance!

[AggieJohn]

2.) Man can not admit in public that he has seen episodes of Sex in the City or Will and Grace.

[Adidas410s]

3) Nowhere in public should a man order a drink that includes the name of a fruit in it...and yes this extends to drinks with non-English names (i.e. pina colada)! :mad:

[injuredinmelee]

4.) There is to be NO conversation with another member of the male gender that you have not shared at least a case of beer with while in the restroom. There is to be absolutely no conversation while holding oneself in the act of urination.

[AggieJohn]

5) In the event that an episode of Brian's Song comes on TV, a Man is allowed to cry.

[htowntransplant]

6) in the event that your favorite sports team wins a championship, it is morally permissible to waste beer as long as it is in a celebration. (similar to champagne in locker rooms)

[pancho villa]

#6 Women cannot touch the remote if a man is in the room.

[AggieJohn]

7)Man shall not bandwagon on a team in the playoffs and claim that they were about them from the beginning. The standard amount of time to cling to a team is when the team is between 0%-25% of their schedule.

[BILLYFRED0000]

Originally posted by pancho villa
#6 Women cannot touch the remote if a man is in the room.

I want to ammend number 6 with women cannot touch the remote while a man is in the room except while in the act of bringing it to the man.

[zeus63]

8) It is against the law for a cheerleading squad to chant their team is #1 when they are down by more than 10 points (any sport). Punishment will include, but not be limited to: being stripped of the title cheerleader and having her pom-poms burned and being forced to drop their spirit stick in front of a large audience.

[AggieJohn]

Originally posted by BILLYFRED0000
I want to ammend number 6 with women cannot touch the remote while a man is in the room except while in the act of bringing it to the man. Man Law confirmed

[Adidas410s]

Originally posted by zeus63
8) It is against the law for a cheerleading squad to chant their team is #1 when they are down by more than 10 points (any sport). Punishment will include, but not be limited to: being stripped of the title cheerleader and having her pom-poms burned and being forced to drop their spirit stick in front of a large audience.

In addition to this law...it is against the law for players, students, fans, etc to give the "we're number 1" to the camera when your team is CLEARLY not #1.

[pancho villa]

Originally posted by BILLYFRED0000
I want to ammend number 6 with women cannot touch the remote while a man is in the room except while in the act of bringing it to the man.

very nice touch,

[Bullaholic]

9.) Women may not touch anything associated with the word "barbeque", except when eating.

[bobcat1]

10) When a man is watching his team play and is on the couch, a simple snap of the fingers should produce a beer from any other member of the family that is not also male.:D

[AggieJohn]

If a man is forced to watch ice skating, he must grunt every 7 minutes, scratch himself every 10, and at least consume 2 Shiners.

[Fotbol]

10) No where is it written that a man has to go shopping with his Woman(Wife).

[pancho villa]

11. No man should have to play golf with his wife.

[BILLYFRED0000]

12. WOMAN = PROBLEMS.

MATH PROOF SOLVES AS FOLLOWS.

Old math but accurate.
To find a woman you need time and money.
Therefore--

WOMAN = TIME X MONEY

Since TIME IS MONEY

WOMAN=MONEY X MONEY
WOMAN=MONEY SQUARED.

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL PROBLEMS

(SQUARE ROOT OF PROBLEMS) SQUARED.

THEREFORE

WOMAN=(SQUARE ROOT OF PROBLEMS)SQUARED.

BY CANCELLING THE SQUARES TO THE LOWEST DENOMINATOR

WOMAN=PROBLEMS.

[Blastoderm55]

Originally posted by BILLYFRED0000
12. WOMAN = PROBLEMS.

MATH PROOF SOLVES AS FOLLOWS.

Old math but accurate.
To find a woman you need time and money.
Therefore--

WOMAN = TIME X MONEY

Since TIME IS MONEY

WOMAN=MONEY X MONEY
WOMAN=MONEY SQUARED.

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL PROBLEMS

(SQUARE ROOT OF PROBLEMS) SQUARED.

THEREFORE

WOMAN=(SQUARE ROOT OF PROBLEMS)SQUARED.

BY CANCELLING THE SQUARES TO THE LOWEST DENOMINATOR

WOMAN=PROBLEMS.

Man Law
Man shall not use a joke he was told when he was 12 in an attempt to decipher the enigma that is women.

[crzyjournalist03]

13. No man shall drive a Volkswagon Beetle, even if it is a turbo and it is his girlfriend's. Men must stick to the original Bug if they have an inkling to drive ridiculously small vehicles.

14. Men may not take what they hear on pregame shows or other sports programming and use it as their own material with the buddies. Everybody else watches the same shows, and they know exactly where that information originates.

[Boosty_Hondo]

15) If a man takes a lady friend on a date and the lady friend weighs more than the man the lady friend must pay for supper

[Bandera YaYa]

Can a woman make a comment on here???? :eek: :nerd: :kiss:

[pero chato]

Sports cliches are ok during the game as long as you're too drunk to have an original thought.

[rundoe]

Man Law: NEVER buy exercise equipment for your wife!!!!!!!

[rundoe]

Originally posted by pancho villa
#6 Women cannot touch the remote if a man is in the room.

Best one yet!!!!!

Lets amend to EVER.

Example: You get up to leave the rooom to go pee and come back to find The Oxygen Channel on your TV just as the winning field goal is kicked in the last two seconds. By the time you get back to your channel. Game over!!!!!

[DUKE22]

16) Men cannot sit beside each other at a theatre, game, etc.
They must skip a seat between them.

[DU_stud04]

every man should recieve a flat headed midget(preferably a woman) at the age of 21 so they will have a place to set their beer when needed to be placed other than his hand, his mouth or the cooler.

[rundoe]

Originally posted by Bandera YaYa
Can a woman make a comment on here???? :eek: :nerd: :kiss:

Man Law: Women cannot make man laws!!!! They must start their own thread.

[rundoe]

Originally posted by Blastoderm55
Man Law
Man shall not use a joke he was told when he was 12 in an attempt to decipher the enigma that is women.

Man Law: Since math is based on logic, it cannot be used to try and deciper women.

[rundoe]

Originally posted by DU_stud04
every man should recieve a flat headed midget(preferably a woman) at the age of 21 so they will have a place to set their beer when needed to be placed other than his hand, his mouth or the cooler.

All men know the rest of this one, that you left out due to restraints on the Downlow, lol

[rundoe]

Originally posted by Adidas410s
3) Nowhere in public should a man order a drink that includes the name of a fruit in it...and yes this extends to drinks with non-English names (i.e. pina colada)! :mad:

or with an umbrella in it!!!!!

[DU_stud04]

Originally posted by rundoe
All men know the rest of this one, that you left out due to restraints on the Downlow, lol hahahaha :clap: :clap: :clap: ahhh yup :evil:

[rundoe]

A man cannot be woken up to be told he is snoring, unless it is by other men who can't hear the game.

[rundoe]

Originally posted by zeus63
8) It is against the law for a cheerleading squad to chant their team is #1 when they are down by more than 10 points (any sport). Punishment will include, but not be limited to: being stripped of the title cheerleader and having her pom-poms burned and being forced to drop their spirit stick in front of a large audience.

This one is too true to be funny.

Thats why Liberty Hill made up thier own cheers from the stands.

Two years ago, We had the ball on the 5, fixing to make the go a head touch down and the cheerleaders starting a chat to "Hold, Em, Hold Em".

I will say they have inproved since then. lol

[crzyjournalist03]

Originally posted by DUKE22
16) Men cannot sit beside each other at a theatre, game, etc.
They must skip a seat between them.

Who wants to pay for three seats at a game if you and your buddy are going???? BOOO!!!!!

[Fotbol]

17) if the toliet seat is up, we did it for women, so please let it back down, or deal with a wet seat:D

[crzyjournalist03]

18. Men are strictly prohibitted from using words such as "magenta", "cyan", "kelly green", "lavender", etc. All colors must be described according to their family color, such as "red", "blue", "green", "purple".

NOTE: An ammendment has been passed to this law which provides exception. If a man is discussing his favorite team's colors, it is then acceptable for him to use prior words. For example, it is entirely appropriate for a man to say "I love the maize and blue" when referring to the University of Michigan.

[RMAC]

19) and a few more I'm going to add.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

I'm in a Man Law group on Facebook and there's about 110 of these, but some might get me in to trouble. So I'll come back later and add some more.

[ASUFrisbeeStud]

Originally posted by RMAC
19) and a few more I'm going to add.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

I'm in a Man Law group on Facebook and there's about 110 of these, but some might get me in to trouble. So I'll come back later and add some more.

I am a member of the same facebook group.

[htowntransplant]

no man shall be permitted to having a livejournal account.

[htowntransplant]

no household with men and only 1 pet should that pet be from the toy group unless you have a second dog around the lines of a labrador or...i guess a "manly" dog.

[BILLYFRED0000]

Originally posted by htowntransplant
no household with men and only 1 pet should that pet be from the toy group unless you have a second dog around the lines of a labrador or...i guess a "manly" dog.

I agree with this one.

Probably stated something like....

No man shall have own or otherwise keep any dog of the "toy"
variety. Said dog should be of the Large variety. Some suggestions would include Boxers, Labs, Retrievers and certainly hunting dogs. An allowance could be made for a Toy variety once
the previous law was met if the wife is sufficiently hot to warrant
such an allowance.

[htowntransplant]

ill make an exception for dachsunds (weenie dogs).

building on my previous man law, the toy dog of the family must not be dressed with outfits of any kind unless they are sporting your favorite teams' gear/logo

[ASUFrisbeeStud]

Originally posted by htowntransplant
ill make an exception for dachsunds (weenie dogs).

building on my previous man law, the toy dog of the family must not be dressed with outfits of any kind unless they are sporting your favorite teams' gear/logo

I do have a weiner dog, but I do want a Boxer and as soon as I get a house I'll get one.

[sahen]

The only pictures/posters a man is allowed to have of another man in his household are of movies in which a minumum of 10 people are killed by the man on the poster, the man achieved a superhuman feat that other men dream of doing (sporting superhuman achievements can be inserted here however the size of the picture/poster must correlate to the feat...for example the normal pro baseball player can have a baseball card size reprsentation around the house, however those who have done something worthwhile may advance up to but not exceed the 8X10 size with some sort of accompanying explanation of why the player is great in case if other men are unaware of the accomplishment), or the man is a close relative in which case one small picture is allowed to be displayed, if the relative has passed then an exception may be made for a larger picture but once again not exceeding an 8X10....

under no circumstance can a picture of another man be put in the bathroom, however televisions that sometimes show men can be substituted for pictures in the bathroom, these men should always be playing sports or waging war on the television in the bathroom...

[BILLYFRED0000]

Originally posted by ASUFrisbeeStud
I do have a weiner dog, but I do want a Boxer and as soon as I get a house I'll get one.

I have two Boxers purebreeds. Great dogs. I recomend them to anybody.

[pololdb]

20. When standing at an urinal, one must skip a urinal between you and the next guy. If said space is not available, go to the first available stall or wait until space is available.

[BILLYFRED0000]

21. While at the urinal more than 3 flicks to the nether region is considered playing and should not be continued.

[necks_c/09]

22. man law: Men, do not refer to your gut as a "gut" in the presence of a woman that is pleasing to the eyes. You must in all cases use the term "mega-muscle".

Much more manly:D