Questions for thinking minds...

[crzyjournalist03]

Post those questions that you've never seemed to be able to get an answer for here. I'll start it off:

Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8? In order to get an even number of hot dogs and buns, you'd have to have 80! Who wants to eat that many hot dogs anyway?

[Jacket2000]

Why in the world would you wanna give your money to someone called a "broker" to invest it for you?
Why would you walk through something called a "terminal" before getting on an airplane?
J2K

[PPHSfan]

Actually it would be 40 hot dogs. But then it wasn't a math question was it?

[PPHSfan]

Jacket2000:
Why would you walk through something called a "terminal" before getting on an airplane?
J2KWhy would you get ON the airplane...wouldn't it make more sense to get IN the airplane?

[crzyjournalist03]

Ouch...guess I did mess up on the math. Oh well...who wants to eat 40 hot dogs?

[PPHSfan]

Why is the word Bra singular..and the word Panties plural?

[crzyjournalist03]

If the plural of goose is geese, why isn't the plural of moose meese?

[PPHSfan]

crzyjournalist03:
If the plural of goose is geese, why isn't the plural of moose meese?Because if it were, then Cheese would be the plural of Choose. And we know that is wrong. :p

I guess I am going to have to stay and answer ALL of these questions.

[eye of the tiger]

Why do people say "put on your shoes and socks. Shouldn't you put on your socks first?

[PPHSfan]

eye of the tiger:
Why do people say "put on your shoes and socks. Shouldn't you put on your socks first?EOTT this is a common mistake that I like to call the "bass ackwards loquatious slip". Lots of folks make this mistake...one of my favorites is..."you can't have your cake and eat it too"..when in fact you CAN. The proper saying is "you can't eat your cake and have it too." Which makes perfect sense. :p

NEXT QUESTION

[crzyjournalist03]

PPHS, where do you get all of this seemingly infinite wisdom? You never cease to amaze me.

[PPHSfan]

crzyjournalist03:
PPHS, where do you get all of this seemingly infinite wisdom? You never cease to amaze me.I don't know for sure. My phsyciatrist says that I have an IQ of 170. But I have the attention span of a sloth. Go figure that one out.

[29x281]

The conjunction "and" does not necessarily imply continuation, or sequential operation. It may be used simply as parataxis, meaning that two or more items that are listed should be considered as equal components. Thus, the adage that a person "can't have their cake and eat it too" does work, especially if you consider the "too" on the end, which serves to make the two choices mutually exclusive.

[snotbubble]

WOW. I like all of those big words....parataxis, et al.

Here's a classic: Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Speaking of big words here's mine....

pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis

You can look it up :D :cool: :D

<small>[ December 12, 2002, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: snotbubble ]</small>

[slpybear the bullfan]

Okay, PPHSfan...

If a man gets into an argument, and no woman is present, is he still wrong?

wink

Sorry Ladies...

slpybear

[BURNETRULZ]

Do you suppose Jerry Garcia is Greatful???

That was probably in bad taste. :mad:

[PPHSfan]

29x281:
The conjunction "and" does not necessarily imply continuation, or sequential operation. It may be used simply as parataxis, meaning that two or more items that are listed should be considered as equal components. Thus, the adage that a person "can't have their cake and eat it too" does work, especially if you consider the "too" on the end, which serves to make the two choices mutually exclusive.While I do find merit in your hypothesis, you seem to have overlooked a very important part of the saying. "Have their cake" tends to make one believe that they either hold it or possess it. While "Eat their cake" has pretty much the same meaning in most circles. Therefore in order for someone to "have" their cake, they would not be able to "eat" it. The problem with the misquote "Have your cake and eat it too" only backs up your theory that the conjunction "and" does not imply sequential operation. But in order for someone to "have their cake, and eat it too" the performance of such an act would have to include the sequential operation of possesion before consumption. With that being said...the proper saying is "you can't eat your cake, and have it too"

<small>[ December 12, 2002, 10:32 PM: Message edited by: PPHSfan ]</small>

[slpybear the bullfan]

PPHSfan:

29x281:
The conjunction "and" does not necessarily imply continuation, or sequential operation. It may be used simply as parataxis, meaning that two or more items that are listed should be considered as equal components. Thus, the adage that a person "can't have their cake and eat it too" does work, especially if you consider the "too" on the end, which serves to make the two choices mutually exclusive.While I do find merit in your hypothesis, you seem to have overlooked a very important part of the saying. "Have their cake" tends to make one believe that they either hold it or possess it. While "Eat their cake" has pretty much the same meaning in most circles. Therefore in order for someone to "have" their cake, they would not be able to "eat" it. The problem with the missquote "Have your cake and eat it too" only backs up your theory that the conjunction "and" does not imply sequential operation. But in order for someone to "have their cake, and eat it too" the performance of such an act would have to include the sequential operation of possesion before consumption. With that being said...the proper saying is "you can't eat your cake, and have it too"Hmmmm...

(spoken in my best Jethro Clampett voice) "Dang! All this fancy talk make us genyuses want to join in! Anyone want to hear me do some ciphering?"

slpybear

[Bulldog Fan]

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is a boxing ring square? :D

[PPHSfan]

slpybear the bullfan:
Okay, PPHSfan...

If a man gets into an argument, and no woman is present, is he still wrong?

wink

Sorry Ladies...

slpybearWell slpy if a man is in a argument with only himself present...I would say that he is not wrong. It is hard to lie to yourself. However, if a man gets into an argument with another man, then there are laws of gravity and physics that come into play.

[sinton66]

Top twenty oxymorons:
20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works

[PPHSfan]

66, you left out;

Military Intelligence

Civil War

and my favorite...First Last Call

[Bulldog Fan]

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? :D

[Bulldog Fan]

This is not a question but it is a good joke.

What is the Chinese word for constipation??

HUNGCHOW :D

[big daddy russ]

crzyjournalist03:
...Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8?...Did somebody here used to watch the Animaniacs???

<small>[ December 12, 2002, 11:33 PM: Message edited by: big daddy russ ]</small>

[BIG19]

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

or this one

What's another word for thesaurus?

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: BIG19 ]</small>

[Jacket2000]

Can an oriental man be disoriented?
Why do you we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
J2K

[BIG19]

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

[crzyjournalist03]

As a matter of fact, I am an Anamaniac fan. Yakko Wakko and Dot provided many an inspiration for me in my middle school years.

[crzyjournalist03]

If it's not about winning and losing, what exactly is it about?

[PPHSfan]

crzyjournalist03:
If it's not about winning and losing, what exactly is it about?It's NEVER about Winning AND Losing....it's only about WINNING!!!!! :D

[PPHSfan]

BIG19:

What's another word for thesaurus?How about synonym finder ....or that's two words isn't it?

[crzyjournalist03]

How come when most athletes say they give 110%, it's not enough to win most of the time, but when Randy Moss gives 50%, it is enough?

[crzyjournalist03]

How do athletes retire when they never tire a first time?

[PPHSfan]

crzyjournalist03:
How come when most athletes say they give 110%, it's not enough to win most of the time, but when Randy Moss gives 50%, it is enough?That is a fantastic question....my guess is it has something to do with taxes.

[pakrat]

Are you getting back to football here?

[crzyjournalist03]

pakrat:
Are you getting back to football here?Doesn't everything in Texas eventually come back to football?

[PPHSfan]

BIG19:
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?That would total three quarters to death. And since you can only make up half the distance with each skeering...you would never die from fright...however your health would diminish I am sure.
:D

[Jacket2000]

I told y'all that Id put our members up against any other site's members, and by gawd, this is a prime example of why I would!!
J2K

[sinton66]

Why is it that when you're in your car, anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Ever notice when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad, but when you take him for a ride in your car, he sticks his head out the window?

Why do people always say "It'll be in the last place you look"? No kidding? Who the heck would keep looking for something after they already found it?

If everyone is as open minded as they claim, how come their brains don't fall out?

[PPHSfan]

sinton66:
Ever notice when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad, but when you take him for a ride in your car, he sticks his head out the window?
http://www.prodhelp.com/images/ListerineFreshBurstBtleLrg.gif

Maybe?

[big daddy russ]

If they make olive oil out of olives, what do they use to make baby oil?
-Courtesy of Alaina Curtis

[Jacket2000]

If the opposite of Pro is Con, then is Congress the opposite of Progress?
J2K

[sinton66]

Jacket2000:
If the opposite of Pro is Con, then is Congress the opposite of Progress?
J2KPersonally, the answer here is YES!!!!!

[Bellville22]

If a baseball hits the Foul Pole, why is it fair?

When referees call a False Start, why do they have say, "Prior to the snap..."? What, can there be a false start AFTER the snap? They don't say "After the snap, holding on #76."

[Bulldog Fan]

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

[crzyjournalist03]

Why is the McDonald's burger called a double quarter pounder instead of a half-pounder?

[Bulldog Fan]

Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? :D :D

[PPHSfan]

OK I am trying to get to as many of these as I can. I will do my best to answer them all in the next few weeks. But in the mean time...can somebody answer one for me?

Whis is the word palindrome....emordnilap when you spell it backwards?

[Bulldog Fan]

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? :D

[bearcat1]

Why does the sun lighten our hair but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that when driving around lost, we turn down the radio?
Why are there locks on the doors of 24hour supermarkets? They never close, why locks?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet, as there is for the bottoms?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is it possible to be totally parial?
bc


Bulldog Fan:
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? :D

[PPHSfan]

Bulldog Fan:
Can fat people go skinny-dipping? :D Yes, but it is not as much fun to watch.

[crzyjournalist03]

PPHSfan:
OK I am trying to get to as many of these as I can. I will do my best to answer them all in the next few weeks. But in the mean time...can somebody answer one for me?

Whis is the word palindrome....emordnilap when you spell it backwards?Well my friend, I'd be more than happy to help you out. palindrome comes from the Greek word palindromos, which was defined as "running again". However, if you divide the syllables of palindromos and define the syllables, palin and dromos, the definition becomes "again running", which forms a palindrome in a way.

[PPHSfan]

PPHSfan
OK I am trying to get to as many of these as I can. I will do my best to answer them all in the next few weeks. But in the mean time...can somebody answer one for me?

Whis is the word palindrome....emordnilap when you spell it backwards?<strong>
crzyjournalist03
Well my friend, I'd be more than happy to help you out. palindrome comes from the Greek word palindromos, which was defined as "running again". However, if you divide the syllables of palindromos and define the syllables, palin and dromos, the definition becomes "again running", which forms a palindrome in a way.Well CRAZY J...
Thanks for your in depth answer. It shows that you have either researched it well for me, or you are just as silly as I am, but either way, I truly thank you :D

[bearkatdad]

ok...more oxymorons..
A green orange.
A blackbery is red when it is green.
Jumbo shrimp.
to be continued..

[St. Ivender]

Why do we have these perfectly good words such as "today" "tomorrow" and "yesterday" but we have such completely awkward sounding words such as "the day after tomorrow" or "the day before yesterday"? Was Webster caught napping?

[fred grunden]

Now I see how some people get several hundred posts. If I could think of enough stupid stuff, I could get past scrub.

[crzyjournalist03]

well Mr. Fred, I wouldn't call it "stupid stuff"...I prefer the term "creativity".

[Bulldog Fan]

If you can't live without me then why aren't you dead?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares then why is there a song about it? :D

[Bulldog Fan]

PPHSfan:

Bulldog Fan:
Can fat people go skinny-dipping? :D Yes, but it is not as much fun to watch.That's a good one! wink

[pirate4state]

crzyjournalist03:
Post those questions that you've never seemed to be able to get an answer for here. I'll start it off:

Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8? In order to get an even number of hot dogs and buns, you'd have to have 80! Who wants to eat that many hot dogs anyway?:rolleyes: Where ya been crzy? The hot dog companys now package hot dogs and buns in 8. They even provide bun length dogs for maximum eating pleasure :D

<small>[ December 16, 2002, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: pirate4state ]</small>

[Fletch]

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?

[sinton66]

Is Atheism a non-prophet organization?

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Is the lottery a tax on people who are bad at math?

[Billy Boy]

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickle peppers.
How many pickle peppers did Peter Piper pick?

[sinton66]

If you're travellin at the speed of light and switch on your headlights, can you see them?

We have plenty of youth, is there a fountain of smart?

[SintonFan]

Darn! I don't know why I didn't click on this topic until now? (LOL... that is rhetorical!)
PPHSFan, I'm gonna try to help you immediately, just not right now! :p :D :cool:

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[SintonFan]

sinton66:
If you're travellin at the speed of light and switch on your headlights, can you see them?

We have plenty of youth, is there a fountain of smart?NO, unless you are going faster or slower (taking this at face value).

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[SintonFan]

...

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[SintonFan]

ahhh... silence

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[SintonFan]

...

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 02:38 PM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[sintonfan74]

you guys make my head spin :D :D :D

[Puppetmaster101]

Hey if a person turns blue when you choke them what color does a smurf turn BOOOOOO YEEEAAAAAA :D

[District303aPastPlayer]

What IS That bandera guy having? I would like to know?

And only 3 words in the English language end in the letters 'gry'

Hungry, Angry... and what else...

[twinkle]

Courtesy of the newest Reader's Digest...

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

When someone offers you a penny for your thoughts, and you put in your two cents' worth, what happens to the other penny?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

I read these and knew right where to pass them on, lol.

[twinkle]

Also from the Reader's Digest....

Why the English language is difficult to learn...

The bandage was wound around the wound.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

They were too close to the door to close it.

wink

[SintonFan]

District303aPastPlayer:
What IS That bandera guy having? I would like to know?LOL...

:)

[sinton66]

District303aPastPlayer:
What IS That bandera guy having? I would like to know?

And only 3 words in the English language end in the letters 'gry'

Hungry, Angry... and what else...This is actually a trick question, and the answer depends on HOW the question is phrased.
"In short, the "answer" to the question is liable to be any of the
following words:

language
three
what
one
say
or possibly, just possibly
MEAGRY
(The latter answer, I think, is for those real purists who really want
a third word ending in -gry.)"
( http://www.geocities.com/loisnotlane/gry.html)
All hail the POWER of my search engine! :D :D :D

<small>[ December 19, 2002, 07:27 AM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[turbostud]

Insert two minus signs (-) and one plus sign (+) anywhere on the left side of the equals sign (=) to make the following equation true.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 = 100

[crzyjournalist03]

Fletch:
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?Well, let's just think about the first question for a minute. If they made the entire airplane out of that stuff, there would be no need for the black box in the first place, so we probably wouldn't have any of that stuff to begin with.

[turbostud]

Since no one got the answer or no one cares. Here is the answer.

123-45-67+89= 100

[HotDawg89]

What about this one?

3 men going to the Bandera/MG game this weekend, and decide to spend the night in Waco after the game. The guy at the counter tells them the room is $30.00. The guys each fork over $10.00. They go to their room, pop a top, and sit back to watch some ESPN, and talk about those awesome Bandera Bulldogs.

In the meantime, the guy at the desk realizes that there was a special rate for the night, and the room was only $25.00. So he calls the bell boy, and gives him the $5.00-telling him to split it, and give it back to the gentlemen who paid for the room. So, since he can't split $5.00 evenly, he gives them each $1.00 back, and pockets $2.00.

Now think- if each man only paid $9.00 for the room, that is $27.00 paid. The bell boy kept $2.00- that is only $29.00. Where is the other dollar?

<small>[ December 19, 2002, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: HotDawg89 ]</small>

[HotDawg89]

Oh, and think about this one--- name 10 parts of the body that all have only 3 letters in it's name....

hip, lip, eye...etc...

[HotDawg89]

bearcat1:
Why does the sun lighten our hair but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that when driving around lost, we turn down the radio?
Why are there locks on the doors of 24hour supermarkets? They never close, why locks?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet, as there is for the bottoms?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is it possible to be totally parial?
bc


Bulldog Fan:
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? :D Why do they make scented toilet paper???
Why is bra singular and panties plural? Hmmmmm...

[Keith7]

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

[District303aPastPlayer]

HotDawg89:
What about this one?

3 men going to the Bandera/MG game this weekend, and decide to spend the night in Waco after the game. The guy at the counter tells them the room is $30.00. The guys each fork over $10.00. They go to their room, pop a top, and sit back to watch some ESPN, and talk about those awesome Bandera Bulldogs.

In the meantime, the guy at the desk realizes that there was a special rate for the night, and the room was only $25.00. So he calls the bell boy, and gives him the $5.00-telling him to split it, and give it back to the gentlemen who paid for the room. So, since he can't split $5.00 evenly, he gives them each $1.00 back, and pockets $2.00.

Now think- if each man only paid $9.00 for the room, that is $27.00 paid. The bell boy kept $2.00- that is only $29.00. Where is the other dollar?In reality, they paid $25 for the room. Then the extra five is accounted for. The fact that each man 'paid' only $9 for the room, is a good way to throw a misconception in there. All the money is there. Each man paid $8.33 for the room. That comes to $25. Then the two the bell boy kept, and then each man gets another dollar.
SO......
$8.33 x 3 = $25.
Bellboy = $ 2
Each man = $ 3
Total = $30

[crzyjournalist03]

In geology, we learn that rocks are dated by their fossils. But we also learn that fossils are dated by the rocks that they are in. So what dates the dates???

[Billy Boy]

I think carbon dates the dates. :p

[big daddy russ]

HotDawg89:
What about this one?

3 men going to the Bandera/MG game this weekend, and decide to spend the night in Waco after the game. The guy at the counter tells them the room is $30.00. The guys each fork over $10.00. They go to their room, pop a top, and sit back to watch some ESPN, and talk about those awesome Bandera Bulldogs.

In the meantime, the guy at the desk realizes that there was a special rate for the night, and the room was only $25.00. So he calls the bell boy, and gives him the $5.00-telling him to split it, and give it back to the gentlemen who paid for the room. So, since he can't split $5.00 evenly, he gives them each $1.00 back, and pockets $2.00.

Now think- if each man only paid $9.00 for the room, that is $27.00 paid. The bell boy kept $2.00- that is only $29.00. Where is the other dollar?Actually, the bell boy's $2 was what raised the price to $27 from the $25 they were originally paying. If each man paid $9, that comes out to $27. But you don't add another two dollars to the $27. You're actually subtracting that $3 refund from $30, so you'd also subtract the bell boy's $2 to get down to $25.

$30...Total paid
-$3...Refund
-$2...Bell Boy

$25

I don't exactly know how to word it, but that's as good as I could do. Did that make any sense whatsoever? Anyone?

<small>[ December 21, 2002, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: big daddy russ ]</small>

[spaniard]

...which brings us back to our first point, DRUGS ARE BAD!! :D

[crzyjournalist03]

If drugs are so bad, then how come my doctor keeps making me take them? eek!

[LP-DB]

Alright if the cardinals are called the cards, and the buccaneers the bucs, and the jaguars the jags, what do we call the the titans....the tits? :D :D

Once was # 80

[Bulldog Fan]

LP-DB:
Alright if the cardinals are called the cards, and the buccaneers the bucs, and the jaguars the jags, what do we call the the titans....the tits? :D :D

Once was # 80No silly, that would be the tites with a long I. :D

[crzyjournalist03]

What exactly are hot dogs made of?

[sinton66]

crzyjournalist03:
What exactly are hot dogs made of?Chicken lips! That's why you never see a chicken with them! :D

[sinton66]

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?"
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
How do you know when you're in the middle of nowhere?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

[aamove]

If a dumb kid uses pimple cream does that make him an oxy-moron?

[twinkle]

And here I thought this thread was about to die...

[sinton66]

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
If you pulled the wings off a fly, would it be known as a "walk"?

[Ranger Mom]

I don't know where I have been since this thread has been going on - I just read it today. Maybe because the title was "Question for thinking minds - I didn't click on it - (I have been accused of not thinking from time to time). Everytime I thought of one, I would read a little further and someone already had it, but....when I read the one below I literally laughed out loud - don't know why, it just ticked my funny bone!!


PPHSfan:

sinton66:
Ever notice when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad, but when you take him for a ride in your car, he sticks his head out the window?
http://www.prodhelp.com/images/ListerineFreshBurstBtleLrg.gif

Maybe?

[Jacket2000]

If a frog had wings would it still bump its ass when it hopped?
J2K

[russ31]

Why do they call it "taking a dump" when you're actually leaving a dump? :D :D :D

[topdawg]

thats nasty...but funny :p

[SintonFan]

And I thought I stunk up this forum...
:D :D :D

[topdawg]

how much wood, would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood???

[ap_panther_84]

IF a frog had a glass ass would he hop more then once?
If it takes a chicken and a half,an hour and a half to lay a egg and a half how long does it take a one legged grasshopper to eat the seeds out of a dill pickel? Yeah baby answer that one!!!!!

[PPHSfan]

ap_panther_84:

If it takes a chicken and a half,an hour and a half to lay a egg and a half how long does it take a one legged grasshopper to eat the seeds out of a dill pickel? Yeah baby answer that one!!!!!.
Well it took me a few minutes to find a grasshopper because it was cold outside. But after a thorough serarch of the backyard and a trip to the grocery store, and a surgical procedure, I have an answer for you. It takes 10 minutes if it is a vlassic hamburger slice, and it takes 20 minutes if you use a claussen baby dill.

Next Question.

[06_star_rtx]

How far can a dog run into the woods?

[PPHSfan]

06_star_rtx:
How far can a dog run into the woods?.
Half way....after that he is running out.

[sinton66]

What if you are a figment of your own imagination?
Instead of being reborn, can't you just grow up ?
Sects, sects, sects, is that all you monks ever think about?
Why did the Lone Ranger have a partner?

Thought for the day: Those that live by the sword get shot by those of us that don't.

[3afan]

Which came first.........the chicken or the egg?

[Jacket2000]

If a rooster lays egg on a rooftop that slants 34 degrees to the north, and there's a 21 mph wind blowing southward, which way will it roll off?
J2K

[3afan]

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops?

Why do they call front seat shotgun?

If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

[aamove]

Jacket2000:
If a rooster lays egg on a rooftop that slants 34 degrees to the north, and there's a 21 mph wind blowing southward, which way will it roll off?
J2KRoosters can't lay eggs

[aamove]

3afan:
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops?

Why do they call front seat shotgun?

If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?Shotgun goes back to the stagecoach days when the person riding on the passenger side of the front seat, next to the driver, actually carried a shotgun.

[Puppetmaster101]

Why do they sterilize the needle for a lethal injection?
If its tourist season can we shoot them? :D
Whats the purpose of a hot-water heater. If the water is already hot why so you need to heat it?
Why do they call them APARTment buildings if they're close together?
If a person turns blue when you choke them, then what color does a smurf turn?
If homos cant reproduce then why are there so many of them?
If a 7/11 is open 24 hrs a day then why do they have locks on their doors?
:D :D :D

[SintonFan]

Puppetmaster101:
If its tourist season can we shoot them? :D
Only in Miami... wink

[SintonFan]

How do you set a laser printer to stun?
Why do people who majored in Liberal Arts always ask, "Is that for here or to go?"
Do epileptics use vibrators?
How come you can buy a 'pair of shoes', but only get two(implied multiples)?

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 01:34 AM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[sinton66]

Do epileptics use vibrators?
Would they know if they did? If it went counter-clockwise, would it correct their balance?

<small>[ December 27, 2002, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[sinfan75]

How does a cow lay down and get up?
In oil field terms:
What's a cowscock?
What's a dogknot?

[Chief Woodman]

If a pitcher pitches, and a catcher catches, and a batter bats, what does an usher do?

How deep would the ocean be if sponges did not live there?

How does the brown cow that lives under a blue sky and eats grren grass give white milk that changes to yellow butter?

Why are OU fans proud of a mascot that represents cheating?

Why does bike, dike, and like rhyme, but nike does not?

[Ranger Mom]

If you discard the cotton ball in a bottle of pills, what are you supposed to do with the first ball of cotton in a bag of cotton balls??

[sinfan75]

sinfan75:
How does a cow lay down and get up?
In oil field terms:
What's a cowscock?
What's a dogknot?I'm gonna give yall one more day to answer these questions.Can't believe they ain't no cowboys or roughnecks out there.IS THIS A TEXAS FORUM??? :D :D :D

[sinton66]

Here's some more:

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

How can you tell when your out of invisible ink?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

If all the world is a stage, where is the
audience sitting?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working??

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work
station on my desk?

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

[crzyjournalist03]

russ31:
Why do they call it "taking a dump" when you're actually leaving a dump? :D :D :D I think this one comes from the old saying "Take it or leave it." See, you take the dump to the bathroom and leave it there, so it's just a short way of saying "I'm taking a dump to the bathroom and leaving it there."

[Billy Boy]

crzyjournalist03:

russ31:
Why do they call it "taking a dump" when you're actually leaving a dump? :D :D :D I think this one comes from the old saying "Take it or leave it." See, you take the dump to the bathroom and leave it there, so it's just a short way of saying "I'm taking a dump to the bathroom and leaving it there."This is the real story of why Forney thinks they are the #2 team thinks for clearing this up for us. :D

[big daddy russ]

sinfan75:
How does a cow lay down and get up?Two legs at a time? I don't know how else to answer that one.

[PPHSfan]

big daddy russ:

sinfan75:
How does a cow lay down and get up?Two legs at a time? I don't know how else to answer that one..
Well let me help you big daddy, I will give it a shot.

How cows lay down: they lower themselves so carefully that they lean forward into their folded knees; and then they sink slowly from the back until that moment they can't support their own weight, and fall their butt down.
:p :p

<small>[ December 31, 2002, 12:05 AM: Message edited by: PPHSfan ]</small>

[big daddy russ]

Thanks PPHSfan. Don't know what I'd do without you.

[sinfan75]

And then when they get up it's the ass-end first that gets up then the front. As far as a "cowscock",that's a part of the block on a drilling rig.A dogknot is a type of valve at the top of a drilling kelly.

[cunbed10]

Why is a hamburger made of beef instead of pork (ham).

[crzyjournalist03]

cunbed10:
Why is a hamburger made of beef instead of pork (ham).Because they were invented in Hamburg, Germany. That's pretty obvious...but what I can't figure out is why it's called a bobsled when it wasn't invented by a guy named Bob.

[crzyjournalist03]

Billy Boy:

crzyjournalist03:

russ31:
Why do they call it "taking a dump" when you're actually leaving a dump? :D :D :D I think this one comes from the old saying "Take it or leave it." See, you take the dump to the bathroom and leave it there, so it's just a short way of saying "I'm taking a dump to the bathroom and leaving it there."This is the real story of why Forney thinks they are the #2 team thinks for clearing this up for us. :D Thanks for recognizing Forney people's superior knowledge. Now let me entreat you with more interesting potty knowledge:

The toilet was invented by a man named John Crapper...seriously...it is from this name that we sometimes hear the toilet called "the John" and this is where we get our modern word "crap".

[sinton66]

Do cruise ships show 'Titanic' as the evening movie?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why aren't lawyers sworn in during trials?
If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect why practice?
What would happen if you had two half baked ideas at the same time?
How come when you finally get your head together, your body starts to come apart?

[Billy Boy]

A mother and a father have six sons and each son has one sister. How many people are in that family?

[crzyjournalist03]

Billy Boy:
A mother and a father have six sons and each son has one sister. How many people are in that family?That's easy...nine. You have mother, father, six sons, and one sister.

[ilovetheKats]

Y'all are too funny!

Are you gruntled before you become disgruntled? And which of these icons would accurately represent "gruntled?"

[pakrat]

How can a basketball player possibly layup?

[sntnpirate1316]

If you record silence and play it in a loud room will it drown out all the noise?

[crzyjournalist03]

sntnpirate1316:
If you record silence and play it in a loud room will it drown out all the noise?It depends on how high you turn the volume of the silence up.

[TarponFanInNorthTexas]

In regard to the crapper.....

How come they call it "taking a crap" instead of "leaving a crap"? I mean after all, we're not taking it anywhere......

[crzyjournalist03]

TarponFanInNorthTexas:
In regard to the crapper.....

How come they call it "taking a crap" instead of "leaving a crap"? I mean after all, we're not taking it anywhere......(sigh)...read the page before this one...we've already discussed that.

[TarponFanInNorthTexas]

sorry I didn't see it.

[crzyjournalist03]

What did a "cured ham" used to have before it was cured?

[crzyjournalist03]

TarponFanInNorthTexas:
sorry I didn't see it.It's alright...it happens when topics get real long...no hard feelings.

[crzyjournalist03]

Found this on another site and it's really intriguing:

Why is the name for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

[LVqb04]

well, since every1 has asked their questions. I have one more.
If they say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does the other
1 enjoy it?

[PPHSfan]

LVqb04:
well, since every1 has asked their questions. I have one more.
If they say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does the other
1 enjoy it?.
YES

[sinton66]

Questions, and for PPHSfan's sake, ANSWERS too!:

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
&gt; &gt; Nudity
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
&gt; &gt; 45 lbs.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
&gt; &gt; 45 minutes.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
&gt; &gt; Through his chest with a sharp knife.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why do men want to marry virgins?
&gt; &gt; They can't stand criticism.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring, and
&gt; &gt; good looking?
&gt; &gt; Because those men already have boyfriends.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
&gt; &gt; After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
&gt; &gt; The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
&gt; &gt; driving.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What do you call a smart blonde?
&gt; &gt; A golden retriever.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why does the bride always wear white?
&gt; &gt; Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the
&gt; &gt; biggest boobs?
&gt; &gt; The blonde, because she's 18
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
&gt; &gt; Ask your mom.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; How do you know when you're really ugly?
&gt; &gt; Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
&gt; &gt; When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys
&gt; &gt; have?
&gt; &gt; Palm Sunday.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
&gt; &gt; Her navel.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
&gt; &gt; Bingo machine.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
&gt; &gt; A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why did God create alcohol?
&gt; &gt; So ugly people could have sex, too.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
&gt; &gt; "Are you sure it's mine?"
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
&gt; &gt; Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
&gt; &gt; Mace will do that to you.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
&gt; &gt; Everyone has the same DNA.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
&gt; &gt; They named him Sum Ting Wong.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
&gt; &gt; other?
&gt; &gt; A speech impediment.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
&gt; &gt; Breasts don't have eyes.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
&gt; &gt; A pimp.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on
&gt; &gt; Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
&gt; &gt; Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
&gt; &gt; A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
&gt; &gt; the cage, along with a recipe.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the Cuban National Anthem?
&gt; &gt; Row, row, row your boat.
&gt; &gt; ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&gt; &gt; What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
&gt; &gt; fairytale?
&gt; &gt; A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale
&gt; &gt; begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t."
&gt;
&gt;

[topdawg]

some of those were bad, but funny :D :D :D

[big daddy russ]

sinton66:
....What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp...
crzyjournalist03:
What did a "cured ham" used to have before it was cured?Crazy kids and their crazy V-D.
-Vance Wilder, Jr.

You know how them 'Bama boys are.

<small>[ January 11, 2003, 10:18 PM: Message edited by: big daddy russ ]</small>

[sinton66]

OK, here's one for all you "Brainiacs" out there. I will reveal the answer after several of you try. (Unlike most of this thread, this is a real question.)

What causes gravity?

<small>[ January 22, 2003, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[turbostud]

By existing you are compelled to move through space. This causes gravity.

[3afan08]

sinton66:
OK, here's one for all you "Brainiacs" out there. I will reveal the answer after several of you try. (Unlike most of this thread, this is a real question.)

What causes gravity?The rotation of the earth

[sinton66]

No correct answer yet. Keep trying. :) You are however in the majority with your answer. Approximately 90% of the people believe that gravity is caused by the centrifigual force generated by the spinning motion of the Earth. This is however, incorrect. In fact, centrifigual force and gravity are opposite forces and actually work against each other.

<small>[ January 23, 2003, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[X21AAAPlayer]

The combination of the earth revolving around the sun and the earth spinning on it's axis?

[sinton66]

Actually, motion has nothing to with it at all. :)

[X21AAAPlayer]

the attraction between two masses.

[sinton66]

Ah, we're getting closer! See if you can boil it down to a one word answer.

[Keith7]

sinton66:
OK, here's one for all you "Brainiacs" out there. I will reveal the answer after several of you try. (Unlike most of this thread, this is a real question.)

What causes gravity?After serious thinking this is what I have come up with.

The world we live in consists of four dimensions, the three space dimensions and one that is not exactly time but is related to time (it is in fact time multiplied by the square root of -1). This is not at all easy to understand but it means that space-time as we call it has some rather weird properties. In particular, when you move through one of the space dimensions you also travel, unwittingly, through time. You do not notice this, indeed as far as you are concerned nothing happens to you at all, but someone observing you would say that you have travelled through time. Of course, we are always travelling through time, but when you travel through space you travel through time by less that you expect. The most famous example of this effect is the 'Twins Paradox'.

All the effects of special relativity, such as the slowing down of clocks and the shrinking of rods follow from the above. In fact, it is often better to think of some things, such as electromagnetic fields as being four-dimensional objects. However, the important thing to remember for the moment, is: when you move through space you are compelled to move through time but, when you move through time (which of course you are always doing) you do not have to move through space.

So, what does this have to do with gravity? It is quite simple! When a mass is present in the above space-time it distorts it so that whilst it remains true that travelling through space causes you to travel through time, travelling through time now causes you to move (accelerate) through space. In other words just by existing, you are compelled to move through space - this is gravity.

[Greenbull]

My son the brain thinks it's "mass".
How about "space-time" for an answer.

Even if I'm not right, I've got a related question: What is the approximate speed of gravity? Scientist claim to have proven this in the past month.

[sinton66]

Keith7, Sounds as though you are thoroughly enjoying whatever it is you're smoking tonight. :D

<small>[ January 23, 2003, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[sinton66]

Greenbull, your son is very close to the correct answer. Congratulate him for me. Gravity is directly proportional to mass. The actual correct one word answer is "Nature". There are four naturally occurring forces in the universe, Heat, Light, Magnetism (or Electric impulse), and Gravity. It is somewhat surprizing that so many people believe in the motion cause. If you think of a ball on a string, swung rapidly above your head, centrifugal force is what defies gravitational pull and keeps the ball aloft.Remove CF, and gravity begins to pull the ball back down, so they are actually opposing forces.

Oh, and as for the "speed" of gravity, it could only be measured in "gravitational effect", and would have to be approximately the same as the speed of light. In fact, I would imagine all four naturally occurring forces happen at the speed of light. I know electricity travels at the speed of light( therefore, so would magnetic lines of force). Heat would still have to be proven, but I suspect the same.

<small>[ January 23, 2003, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[Keith7]

So basically I got it?

[sinton66]

Keith7:
So basically I got it?'Fraid not, Keith. See my reply to Greenbull above.

[X21AAAPlayer]

What gets bigger the more you take away?
What walks on 4, then on 2, then on 3?
What 3 letters come next? O,T,T,F,F,S,S,_,_,_.? :D

[Jacket2000]

1. Debt?
2. Man
3. Hell if I know.
J2K

[sinton66]

I had two answers for the first one, debt and my stomach. The more food I take away, the bigger my stomach gets. wink

[PPHSfan]

X21AAAPlayer:

What 3 letters come next? O,T,T,F,F,S,S,_,_,_.? :D .
E,N,T,

[crzyjournalist03]

What is the one thing that if you put into a wooden barrel, the barrel becomes lighter?

[Jacket2000]

Termites.
J2K

[Burnet Dawg06]

Ok this isn't really a question but more of a quiz: Do these steps in order but don't skip down to the bottom first.

1.Think of a number from 1 to 10.

2.Multiply that number by 9.

3.If the number is a 2 digit number add the digits together.

4.Now subtract 5.

5.Determine which letter in the alphapet corresponds with the number you ended up with.(For example: 1=A, 2=B, 3=C and so on.)

6.Think of a country that starts with that letter.

7.Remember the last letter of the name of that country.

8.Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.

9.Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.

10.Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

If you're not thinking of that then you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enought to think of something else. 98% of people will think of a kangaroo in Denmark eating an orange.

[big daddy russ]

sinton66:
OK, here's one for all you "Brainiacs" out there. I will reveal the answer after several of you try. (Unlike most of this thread, this is a real question.)

What causes gravity?66, I don't know if anyone else got it or not, but all forms of mass are attracted to all other forms of mass no matter how big or small. The Earth, being as large as it is, has more pull than, the moon. The Earth has much more mass to attract other objects. This is why things on Jupiter weigh so much more than they do on Earth. This is also one of the principals behind the "Big-Bang Theory." When that little cloud of dust blew up, the particles of mass that were close to one another kept attracting each other until they finally formed large masses, i.e. the planets and stars. Is that a good enough answer?

[Brahma73]

Geez, what a "heavy" subject!!! YUK YUK :p

OK, here am my grammar kwestyun:

An apple, an egg, an office, an arm.
A hat, a horse, a hamburger - even "a" history book. But why "an" historic event? This just bugs the hell outa me!!! Every time I hear a newscaster use "an" before "historic" it drives me frickin' silly. Is there some RULE for this???? eek!

Save me......

[big daddy russ]

Brahma73:
...OK, here am my grammar kwestyun:

An apple, an egg, an office, an arm.
A hat, a horse, a hamburger - even "a" history book. But why "an" historic event? This just bugs the hell outa me!!! Every time I hear a newscaster use "an" before "historic" it drives me frickin' silly. Is there some RULE for this???? eek!

Save me......Historic can be pronounced two ways. Istoric, with the emphasis on the I, or Historic, with the emphasis on the H. In one form it's a hard H...

It was a Historic event.

In the other it's a soft H...

It was an hIstoric event.

A hard H, as in humble, requires the the use of "a." Even the word history has a hard H.

I am a humble man.

A soft H, as in honor or heir, requires the use of the word "an," and as wierd as it is, historic is typically pronounced with a soft H even though the root word is pronounced with a hard H.

It is quite an honor.

<small>[ January 25, 2003, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: big daddy russ ]</small>

[Brahma73]

big daddy russ:

Brahma73:
...OK, here am my grammar kwestyun:

An apple, an egg, an office, an arm.
A hat, a horse, a hamburger - even "a" history book. But why "an" historic event? This just bugs the hell outa me!!! Every time I hear a newscaster use "an" before "historic" it drives me frickin' silly. Is there some RULE for this???? eek!

Save me......Historic can be pronounced two ways. Istoric, with the emphasis on the I, or Historic, with the emphasis on the H. In one form it's a hard H...

It was a Historic event.

In the other it's a soft H...

It was an hIstoric event.

A hard H, as in humble, requires the the use of "a." Even the word history has a hard H.

I am a humble man.

A soft H, as in honor or heir, requires the use of the word "an," and as wierd as it is, historic is typically pronounced with a soft H even though the root word is pronounced with a hard H.

It is quite an honor.ou've ot to be idding! I an't elieve hat! (Sorry...couldn't resist). I would buy this explanation if the word historic was actually being pronounced with a soft "h" in the usage to which I refer. But I assure you, Sam Donaldson and Teddy Coppel and the rest hammer that ol' "H". Anyway, I'll probably never get over it. It's a Taurus / man thing, according to my wife. Thanks for attempting to ease my mind, though. wink

[Jacket2000]

I bet Dan Rather (who was educated in the Republic of Texas) uses the correct grammar.
J2K

[big daddy russ]

Jacket2000:
I bet Dan Rather (who was educated in the Republic of Texas) uses the correct grammar.
J2KActually, they told me to use a soft H in all my broadcasting classes. That's the "acceptable" pronunciation in today's media.

[Brahma73]

big daddy russ:

Jacket2000:
I bet Dan Rather (who was educated in the Republic of Texas) uses the correct grammar.
J2KActually, they told me to use a soft H in all my broadcasting classes. That's the "acceptable" pronunciation in today's media.OK, I give up.... frown

[sinton66]

It's a sad world indeed when the media gets to make up their own language rules. Shame on 'em! :p

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 07:41 AM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[crzyjournalist03]

Actually, the reason that it's "an historic event" is because the "an" is in agreement with the noun "event", not the adjective "historic". If historic were not there, it would read "an event" so the "an" stays even with other adjectives.

[Brahma73]

crzyjournalist03:
Actually, the reason that it's "an historic event" is because the "an" is in agreement with the noun "event", not the adjective "historic". If historic were not there, it would read "an event" so the "an" stays even with other adjectives.An eloquent explanation, but incorrect. This reasoning would be correct for "an excellent event" or "an interesting event" or "an awesome event." However "an terrific event" or "an big event" or "an happy event" are all obviously wrong. As I said, I've gotten over the an historic event issue...grudgingly! frown

[crzyjournalist03]

Hey, it was worth a try.

[sinton66]

Ok guys, lets get back on topic.

1. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
2. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
3.Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
4. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
5.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
6. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam , right?
7. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE
wink wink wink

[Brahma73]

sinton66:
Ok guys, lets get back on topic.

1. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
2. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
3.Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
4. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
5.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
6. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam , right?
7. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE
wink wink wink Awesome stuff, 66! :cool:

[crzyjournalist03]

sinton66:
Ok guys, lets get back on topic.

1. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
2. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
3.Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
4. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
5.If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
6. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam , right?
7. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE
wink wink wink 1. because holes would give a negative connotation to everybody that wears wooden shoes.
2. some people aren't smart enough to realize that croutons are already stale.
3. because they couldn't decide between onety-one or eleventeen.
4. Some stamps have pictures of Presidents on them, so we'd be calling our nation's leaders crooks as well...hmmm
5. to help our self-esteem up as we see so many stupid people in the world.
6. it's a shame that most people can't cram fast enough.
7.They don't cost two dollars here...they're only $1.79 plus tax!

[sinton66]

1. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
2. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
3. There are three religious truths?
A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each Other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
4. "I am" is reportedly the shortest statement in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence ?

[X21AAAPlayer]

Jacket2000:
1. Debt?
2. Man
3. Hell if I know.
J2KA hole gets bigger the more you take away. Number 2 is right. Number 3 is a toughy:) Check out the letters one more time. 0,T,T,F,F,S,S, The letters represent the first letter of each number. One, Two, Three. So the answer is E,N,T. for Eight, Nine, Ten. :D Good job pphsfan for getting that one.

<small>[ January 30, 2003, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: X21AAAPlayer ]</small>

[sinton66]

1.If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
2.American mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?
3. Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

[Brahma73]

sinton66:
1.If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
2.American mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so what do Chinese mothers use, Toothpicks?
3. Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?66, you are truly on a roll! :D

[crzyjournalist03]

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?

(When I was about 7, I actually took the time to count, and I have the answer. I was just wondering what people would guess.)

[Brahma73]

crzyjournalist03:
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?

(When I was about 7, I actually took the time to count, and I have the answer. I was just wondering what people would guess.)I'm goin' with 7 licks, 2 cuss words, and 1 bite. Am I close??????

[crzyjournalist03]

no, but nice try...I actually have a number of licks without any cursing or biting.

[sinton66]

crzyjournalist03:
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?

(When I was about 7, I actually took the time to count, and I have the answer. I was just wondering what people would guess.)I can do it in 62 licks.

[sinton66]

Intelligence test:

Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days,some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? ____________________
7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? ____________________
8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? ___________________
9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? ____________________
10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburg to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? ____________________
Answers to follow later.
NO CHEATING BY LOOKING FURTHER DOWN THE THREAD! Just keep your answers handy.

<small>[ February 01, 2003, 09:14 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[PPHSfan]

1. All of them

2. One hour

3. One hour

4. 70

5. 9

6. The Match

7. White (Polar Bear, North Pole)

8. 3 Angry apples

9. None, Noah drove the ark not Moses.

10. PPHSfan is driving the bus. :D

[sinton66]

I already knew you'd get them. Ok, now edit 'em out and give everybody else a chance. You're 9 for 10, I got 'em all. You should get a kick out of it when I post the answers and score card! :D :D :D

<small>[ February 01, 2003, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[sinton66]

Answers:

1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days.
2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock,then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock,they will be taken in 1 hour.
3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between a.m. and p.m.
4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2.
5) 9 live sheep.
6) The match.
7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole.
8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
9) None. It was Noah, not Moses.
10) YOU are the driver.
Scorecard:
9-10 correct – You’re an evil genius like PPHSFan and me.
8 correct – You’re an Engineer.
7 correct – You’re a Teacher
6 correct – You’re a school administrator.
5 correct- You’re a half-wit or a Supreme Court Justice.
4 correct- You’re dumber than a box of rocks.
3 correct- You’d make a good doorstop.
1-2 correct – You’re a U.S. Congressman.

[crzyjournalist03]

I got 9 out of 10 without cheating...the only one I missed was the wind-up clock. I knew there was something fishy about it, but I couldn't figure it out. Of course after seeing the answer it makes sense now.

[sinton66]

1.What will history remember Bill Clinton for?

2.What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?

3.What do Politicians and diapers have in common?

4.What's the best form of birth control after 50?

5.What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

6.: Why do more and more congressmen stay in Washington year round?

(Answers upon request)

[crzyjournalist03]

sinton66:
1.What will history remember Bill Clinton for?

2.What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?

3.What do Politicians and diapers have in common?

4.What's the best form of birth control after 50?

5.What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

6.: Why do more and more congressmen stay in Washington year round?

(Answers upon request)1. The President that preceded George W. Bush
2. curly hare
3. They both stink
4. abstinence
5. dead
6. Even their families don't want to have to put up with them.

[PPHSfan]

sinton66:
1.What will history remember Bill Clinton for?

2.What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?

3.What do Politicians and diapers have in common?

4.What's the best form of birth control after 50?

5.What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

6.: Why do more and more congressmen stay in Washington year round?

(Answers upon request).
4. Leaving the light on.

5. Quatro Sinko

[sinton66]

sinton66:
1.What will history remember Bill Clinton for?

2.What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit?

3.What do Politicians and diapers have in common?

4.What's the best form of birth control after 50?

5.What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand?

6.: Why do more and more congressmen stay in Washington year round?

(Answers upon request)ANSWERS :
1. The President after Bush.
2. Curly Hare.
3. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason!
4. Nudity.
5. Quatro Sinko
6. Because they can't live at home under the laws they've passed.

[sinfan75]

Actually 66 that should be between Bush's. :D :D

[sinton66]

Yea, but BUSH was what he was after! :D

7. What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?
8. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?
9. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
10. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?
11. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
12. Does timing have a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance?
13. Is a clear conscience a sure sign of a bad memory?
14. If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and gambling, you don't live longer, it just seems longer.

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[crzyjournalist03]

sinton66:
Yea, but BUSH was what he was after! :D

7. What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?
8. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?
9. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
10. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?
11. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
12. Does timing have a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance?
13. Is a clear conscience a sure sign of a bad memory?
14. If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and gambling, you don't live longer, it just seems longer.7. There should be a whole lot of shaking going on.
8. deceived
9. Fish don't talk
10.Wet butts?
11. Only if he refuses to release the others.
12.no. It has everything to do with it.
13. not necessarily, but I'd say that a guilty conscience is a sign of a good memory.
14. Should I answer this statement in the form of a question?

[sinton66]

sinton66:
Yea, but BUSH was what he was after! :D

7. What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?
8. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day/seven days a week?
9. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
10. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?
11. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
12. Does timing have a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance?
13. Is a clear conscience a sure sign of a bad memory?
14. If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and gambling, you don't live longer, it just seems longer.Answers :
8. A widow.
9. Dam
10. Polaroids

[Brahma73]

Do you know why a chicken coop only has 2 doors?
*
*
*
*
*
If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan :D

[sinton66]

What do you get when you have two little green balls in your hand?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kermit's undivided attention!

<small>[ February 03, 2003, 11:08 PM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>

[whtfbplaya]

why?

[sinton66]

1.What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares?
2.What if we were to pass a law making it against the law to pass any more laws?
3.Can courts be held in contempt of people?
4.Why can every sophomore in high school find a drug dealer but the FBI can't?
5.How did they make sure that the very first level was level?

[PPHSfan]

sinton66:
1.What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares?
2.What if we were to pass a law making it against the law to pass any more laws?
3.Can courts be held in contempt of people?
4.Why can every sophomore in high school find a drug dealer but the FBI can't?
5.How did they make sure that the very first level was level?Answers:

1. Old Card's posts. :D

2. Job security will never let it happen.

3. Yes

4. Sophomores pay cash. :p

5. A simple water hose, but most folks will never get it.

[sinton66]

1.When someone says they are a pathological liar should you believe them?
2.Some TV commercials tell us to not try it at home. Where are we supposed to try it?
3.Aren't coupons just the manufacturer's confession that they are over charging you?
4.If you cross a shamrock with poison ivy do you think you'd have a rash of good luck?
5.Isn't every morning the dawn of a new error?
6.Why is it that the average woman would rather have beauty than brains while the average man can see better than he can think?
7.Is it true that God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question?
8.What did Noah do with the woodpeckers?
9.If bankers can count why do they have eight windows and only four tellers?
10.Is it just me or does anyone else sometimes find yourself double clicking on the TV remote control?

[crzyjournalist03]

well, I have to admit that I have caught myself double clicking the tv remote more than once. At least now I know I'm in good company.

[Keith7]

Whats the point in the rating system?

[sinton66]

1.Do you think whoever invented bungee jumping watched a lot of Road Runner cartoons?
2.Isn't the 'c' in 'rap' silent?
3.Why is it you always think of a better thing to say after you've said something else?
4.If you drop a hint will it bounce?
5.I like poetry. I also like cheese. So how come that coffee shop crowd just don't appreciate it when I try to read cheese to them?

[whtfbplaya]

Can pigs really fly?

[Old Dog]

Keith7.....the rating system was invented just to irritate you since the earth's axis obviously runs directly thru your body!

[turbostud]

1. Butterflies taste with their feet.
2. A ducks quack does not echo and no one knows why.
3. In 10 minutes a hurricane releases more energy than all of the worlds nuclear weapons combined.
4. On average 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
5. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
6. 90% of New York cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
7. 35% of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
8. Elephants are the only animals that cant jump.
9. Only 1 person in 2 billion will live to be 116 years old or older.
10. Its possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
11. Its physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
12. The main library at Indiana Univ. sinks over and inch a year because when it was built engineers failed to take into account the weight of the books.
13. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
14. No word inEnglish rhymes with the word MONTH.
15. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
16. A crocodile cannot stick its toungue out.
17. "Go" is the shortest complete sentence in the Enlgish language.
18. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
19. Almost every one who reads this post will try to lick their elbow.
20. You tried to lick your elbow didnt you????

[TexasToast]

I have to admit turbostud, you got me with the elbow licking thing. I knew I couldnt do it, yet I tried anyway. I bet 90% of the people that read your post also trie to figure out a word that rhymes with MONTH....I sure did. :D

[whtfbplaya]

You got me to

[sinton66]

1.In the beginning there was nothing, right? So how could it explode?
2.Is sanity simply madness put to good use?
3.How come every time history repeats itself, the price goes up?
4.Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
5.Why don't they have emotionally handicapped parking?

[TexasToast]

fat chance, and slim chance......good ones!!

[crzyjournalist03]

Why has every major network produced a Michael Jackson documentary in the past month? I thought that networks wanted to RAISE ratings.

[whtfbplaya]

Who said nothing exploded.

[sinton66]

whtfbplaya:
Who said nothing exploded.Uhmmmm, that would be the "Big Bang Theory".

[sinton66]

1.Once they invent faster-than-light travel will that mean that once you get to your destination you'll have to wait in the dark for awhile?
2.Why is it that the people who complain about Jerry Springer seem to know so much about the show?
3.If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them would you go to lunch or read the paper?
4.In computer programs, if you want to set your password to '******' how do you prevent it being shown when you type it in?
5.Is it obvious to you as well that too many people are educated far beyond their intelligence?

[crzyjournalist03]

Why are there so many questions in life, but so few answers?

[sinton66]

crzyjournalist03:
Why are there so many questions in life, but so few answers?You want the real truth? It's because there aren't very many of us that know a whole lot.

[3afan2K3]

o these were the days

[xlr8tor]

Lot's of good stuff here. Oh, and I licked my elbow, both of them rather easily. Anyone can. Just my take.

[crzyjournalist03]

Anybody know what the record for longest running thread in 3ADL history is? We may be getting pretty close

[SintonFan]

I got all mixed up...

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: SintonFan ]</small>

[big69]

English, the only language where:
We have nose that run and feet that smell

The plural of tooth is teeth, so why isn't booth beeth

A slim chance and a fat chance are the same thing

Overlook and oversee are opposite, and quite a few and quite a lot are the same.

Boxing rings are square

Quick sand is slow

for more go to www.justin.com/jokes (http://www.justin.com/jokes)

[crzyjournalist03]

SintonFan:
I got all mixed up...huh?

[3afan2K3]

meh

[kaorder1999]

feet smell? my feet dont smell....hehe

[SintonFan]

lol. this was a good topic...:)

[PI-fan]

Originally posted by sinton66
1.Once they invent faster-than-light travel will that mean that once you get to your destination you'll have to wait in the dark for awhile?

Thats if no light has started to go where u wanted to go already. Meaning u and this light ray start and since u are faster than light u beat that specific light, BUT a previous light(s) had already gone before and u actually catch up to it thus being lighted when u get there. ;) :thinking:

I have a religious question...

If God created Adam and Eve, then Adam and Eve had kids ie, Cain and Abel; where did Cain and Abel's wifes come from (assuming Abel had a wife b4 he got killed?)