College Jokes..... for fun...

[Funk-d-fied]

Post your favorite college jokes, nobody get their feelings hurt, it's all in good fun!

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate their college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Brigham Young University , and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens. The Mexicans immediately beg for her forgiveness and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately beg for her forgiveness and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

[Old Tiger]

You aggy do a good enough job of making a joke of your school anyway so no need to post any aggy jokes here.

[bulldogman06]

Originally posted by Tiger WR
You aggy do a good enough job of making a joke of your school anyway so no need to post any aggy jokes here.

Thats not a very good joke....

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by bulldogman06
Thats not a very good joke....

you'd have to meet casey to understand...

hes a joke in himself.

[Old Tiger]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
you'd have to meet casey to understand...

hes a joke in himself. haha cause I joke on you all the time.

[big daddy russ]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Alabama Elephant. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Elephants too. No one really knowing what an Alabama Elephant was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A boy named John who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Elephant." Then, asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why, I'm a proud Auburn Tiger," boasts the little boy. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks John why he is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Tigers, so I'm a Tiger too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says John, "I'd be an Alabama Elephant."

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Q: Why do Bama graduates keep their diplomas in the windshield of their pickups?
A: So they can park in handicapped spaces.

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Did you hear they had to scrap the cheerleading squad at 'Bama this year? The cheerleaders kept grazing on the field.

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Where were O.J. and Al Cowlings heading in the white Bronco?
TUSCALOOSA -- THEY KNEW THE POLICE WOULD NEVER LOOK FOR A HEISMAN TROPHY WINNER THERE!!!!

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You know you attended the University of Alabama if...
your richest relative buys a new home and you have to help him take the wheels off.
you've ever used lard in bed.
you think potted meat on a cracker is an hors d'ouvre.
there's a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house.
you think a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper is quality entertainment.
less than half your cars run.
your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before she tells the highway patrolman to 'kiss her butt.'
the primary color of your car is "bondo."
you honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and suggestive tongue gestures.
your family tree doesn't fork.
your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school athletic event.
your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
you think "Volvo" is a part of a woman's body.
the rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
you were conceived in an 18-wheeler at a truck stop on I-20.
you've hitched a ride back to Tuscaloosa in the back of a hog truck; AND, once you got there, no one noticed the smell.
you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
your mother keeps a spit cup on her ironing board.
you've ever worn a t-shirt to a wedding.
the most overheard phrase at your family reunions is, "What're you lookin' at, jerk?"
you think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
you think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
your father encouraged you to quit school when there was an opening on the lube rack.
you think "Grapenuts" is a venereal disease.
you think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
you grew up thinking cream gravy was a soft drink.
you have a rag for a gas cap.
you had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding picture was taken.

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Little Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc... Little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "He kicks field goals for the Alabama football team , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

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Three Football FANS were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Florida fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast.

The Auburn fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.

Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the Alabama fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection.

First, he lifted up the Florida cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes.

Next, he lifted the Auburn cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes.

The officer then lifted the Alabama cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.

The Auburn fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"

"Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under an Alabama hat, I find an @$$hole."

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A man showed up at a Bama game with a little dog with a red collar and a little red sweater with an A on the back. The gate guard said "Hey, that's a cute dog, but you have to have a ticket for him too."

The man replied, "Yes, I know. I take him to all the games. When we beat LSU he will run from the top of the stands to the bottom, skipping every other step. When we beat Florida he will walk up and down the aisles on his front paws. When we Beat Tennessee he will turn little back flips"

The guard smiled and said "Well, that's really something. What does he do when we beat Auburn?"

The man looked down and said, "I don't know, I've only had him 4 years."


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I didn't want to do it, but these are just too funny. Some Aggie jokes for you...


What is the difference between the Aggies and Rice Crispies? Rice Crispies know what to do in a Bowl.

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How do Aggies practice safe sex? They get rid of all the animals that kick.

[CalallenWildcat]

http://www.magazine.tcu.edu/images/2000-01/smugrass.jpg

(for those of you who don't know, that's SMU's "Diamond M" on the TCU football field)

[BTEXDAD]

Years ago a Longhorn, a baylor bear and an aggie were applying for a job as an explorer in the sahara desert.
They had to be in good physical condition and they also had to able to use their brain and the little resources at their disposal to survive in the harshest conditions.
In the job interview they were each asked individually what one item they would take along with them to help them survive if they were lost in the desert.
The longhorn said he would take a mirror. He would sleep under it during the day and it would reflect the sunlight away from him and an airplane could also see the reflection and possibly rescue him.
The Baylor Bear said he would take an umbrella. It would give him shade during the day. At night he could turn it upside down and the cooling of the air would cause condensation and water would run down inside of umbrella and he could drink it to quench his thirst.
The aggie said he would take a car door from a 57 chevy.
"Why on earth would you take that?" asked the interviewer.
"Well if it gets too hot out in the desert, I'll just roll the window down."

[Funk-d-fied]

How many University of Texas students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four, one to screw it in, one boasts about how great the light bulbs were back when Darrel Royal was there and the other two leave about halfway through.

[CalallenWildcat]

Originally posted by Funk-d-fied
How many University of Texas students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four, one to screw it in, one boasts about how great the light bulbs were back when Darrel Royal was there and the other two leave about halfway through.

How many A&M Students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter, because they have to drive to Austin or Houston to GET the lightbulb.

[BTEXDAD]

After all the prequalification, an aggie and a longhorn were final two applicants for a job.
Final thing was test to determine how smart they were in using an unusual word in a poem.
Aggie went in interviewers office first. Word he had to use was Timbuktu.
He came up with:
Traveling across the burning sand,
In a lonely caravan.
The arabs, me and you,
headed for the desert town of Timbuktu.

Next up was the longhorn. Same word.

His poem was:
My friend Tim and I went to drink beer one Friday nite.
We drank a bunch and were feeling right.
In walked three girls, they were looking good.
Tim suggested we say hello. I agreed that we should.
The beer kept flowing, and we all got hammered.
They invited us to their apartment. "Okay," we stammered.
At the apartment I whispered to Tim, "What should we do?
They be three and we be only two."
Tim, always the smart one, said, "I know what to do."
After a coin flip, I bucked one and Timbuktu."