Ranger Mom
10-20-2006, 01:00 PM
I got this via email from 44inarow...I thought it was hilarious!!
CHURCH FOOTBALL
QUARTERBACK SNEAK: Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
DRAW PLAY: What many children do with the bulletin during worship.
HALFTIME: The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.
BENCH WARMER: Those who do not sing, pray, work or apparently do anything but sit.
BACKFIELD IN MOTION: Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
STAYING IN THE POCKET: What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.
TWO MINUTE WARNING: The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
INSTANT REPLAY: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.
SUDDEN DEATH: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime".
TRAP: You're called on to pray and are asleep.
END RUN: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
FLEX DEFENSE: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
HALFBACK OPTION: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
BLITZ: The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
CHURCH FOOTBALL
QUARTERBACK SNEAK: Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
DRAW PLAY: What many children do with the bulletin during worship.
HALFTIME: The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.
BENCH WARMER: Those who do not sing, pray, work or apparently do anything but sit.
BACKFIELD IN MOTION: Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
STAYING IN THE POCKET: What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.
TWO MINUTE WARNING: The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
INSTANT REPLAY: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.
SUDDEN DEATH: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime".
TRAP: You're called on to pray and are asleep.
END RUN: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
FLEX DEFENSE: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
HALFBACK OPTION: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
BLITZ: The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.