stxfootballfan
10-18-2006, 09:22 AM
Rules to Enter Texas :
Applies to each person as they enter Texas .
Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
Drive
it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like that to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL
shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.
9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds
of
ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
Sauce! ;
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you
eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio .... and real chili never met a
tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over
ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how
to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and
the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas . They
come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they
still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than
any
other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get whipped
by
the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
" Texas can make it without the United States ,
but the United States can't make it without Texas !"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you are from Texas you are bad
ass.
Applies to each person as they enter Texas .
Learn & remember:
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
Drive
it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells.
That's what they smell like that to you.
They smell like money to us.
Get over it.
Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car.
We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves.
It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL
shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish.
You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.
9. We open doors for women.
That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds
of
ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
Sauce! ;
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you
eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred in San Antonio .... and real chili never met a
tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over
ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how
to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and
the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses.
But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas . They
come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they
still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than
any
other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas ," If you do, you will get whipped
by
the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
" Texas can make it without the United States ,
but the United States can't make it without Texas !"
Texas is the greatest state ever!! If you are from Texas you are bad
ass.