before you lay your head down tonight.....

[AggieJohn]

http://photos-660.facebook.com/ip002/v51/27/83/7915199/n7915199_34051660_1012.jpg

[GreenMonster]

Fact: Hitler didn't commit suicide, Chuck Norris killed him. Chuck was so angered when he first learned of the atrocties Hitler committed against the Jews that he reverse spin kicked the air so hard and so fast that he went back in time and his foot landed solidly on Hitler's jaw just before he could ingest his cianide capsule.

[BIG BLUE DEFENSIVE END]

Originally posted by GreenMonster
Fact: Hitler didn't commit suicide, Chuck Norris killed him. Chuck was so angered when he first learned of the atrocties Hitler committed against the Jews that he reverse spin kicked the air so hard and so fast that he went back in time and his foot landed solidly on Hitler's jaw just before he could ingest his cianide capsule.


Fact: Chuck Norris can beat up your dad.

[AggieJohn]

- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

- Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

- Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.

- Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.

- The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".

- If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

- If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

- As a poor college student, Chuck Norris went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.

- God created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, God created Chuck Norris.
.

[AggieJohn]

- Chuck Norris can speak braille.

- Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Chuck Norris has 7,483.

- Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

- Chuck Norris does not have pubic hair, he has a groin beard.

- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

- Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back off.

[AggieJohn]

- When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

- Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

- Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

- Chuck Norris once asked a person how to get to the gym, after the person told him, Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face for telling him what to do.

- Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat

[bulldogman06]

Chuck Norris invented water

When Chuck Norris just goes swimming, he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck

Chuck Norris once had a massive erection....there were no survivors.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the hulk. when the hulk gets angry, he turns into chuck norris.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants