FOR THE GUYS and Gold Diggers

[mistanice]

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[Adidas410s]

It's funny every time...

[Ranger Mom]

I hate shopping!!:D

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I hate shopping!!:D Me too!! :D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by pirate4state
Me too!! :D

Unless, of course, it's at Lowe's or Home Depot...I could stay in there for hours!

I think my husband would rather go to the mall with me than a hardware store!!:D :D

[pirate4state]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Unless, of course, it's at Lowe's or Home Depot...I could stay in there for hours!

I think my husband would rather go to the mall with me than a hardware store!!:D :D OMG---I love Home Depot! :thumbsup: I used to drive the paint guys crazy when I was "remodeling" my house!! I was in there so often it wasn't "Hi, how may I help you?" it was "What do you need now?" :thinking: :D

[AggieJohn]

that cracked me up

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate4state
OMG---I love Home Depot! :thumbsup: I used to drive the paint guys crazy when I was "remodeling" my house!! I was in there so often it wasn't "Hi, how may I help you?" it was "What do you need now?" :thinking: :D

LOL...Guilty as well. I could spend lots of time looking in these stores BUT I also like malls, department stores, flea markets etc...

Yes, I am a shopper! :cool:

[injuredinmelee]

I detest shopping. I can not force myself to go to the mall to look. I need a plan. When i need something that requires a mall trip I get in i get out. I dont se the need to go look at stuff I may not need or want.

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by injuredinmelee
I detest shopping. I can not force myself to go to the mall to look. I need a plan. When i need something that requires a mall trip I get in i get out. I dont se the need to go look at stuff I may not need or want.

Just curious, do you waste time at Home Depot, Lowe's or the local golf shop?:thinking:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by injuredinmelee
I detest shopping. I can not force myself to go to the mall to look. I need a plan. When i need something that requires a mall trip I get in i get out. I dont se the need to go look at stuff I may not need or want.

So you can't go to Home Depot and browse??

I have spent up to 4 hours just walking up every aisle and looking(needless to say, hubby wasn't with me)....that's where I get my best ideas from!!

As a matter of fact, when my sister-in-law doesn't want my neice to go with us to town, she always tells her we are going to Home Depot to "fart around".....Autumn knows that means we are just looking, so she stays at home....http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/smilies/muahaha.gif

[Adidas410s]

I prefer Lowe's...cuz Lowe's knows!;)

[AP Panther Fan]

Academy....there isn't a man alive that doesn't like Academy!:D

[injuredinmelee]

No the only retail establishment i spend more than 15 minutes in is WalMart and the Pro Shop here at the Country Club.

[CenTexSports]

This may be hard to believe but I get a migrane just driving to the mall to shop with my wife. I don't know if it's because I don't like to shop or because it is a waste of time but 9 out of ten times that I have to go to the mall, I will get a sick headache.


Question for RM: Do you have a special use for hardware? I may just be dreaming but I see you having a hidden room your kids don't know about!

[Bullaholic]

Sure see a lot of guys in Victoria's Secret. Trouble nowadays is, you don't know who they're shopping for. :D

I like the electronics and Sporting goods stores.

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by CenTexSports
This may be hard to believe but I get a migrane just driving to the mall to shop with my wife. I don't know if it's because I don't like to shop or because it is a waste of time but 9 out of ten times that I have to go to the mall, I will get a sick headache.

I can believe it. I knew a guy who instantly had to use the bathroom when he would go into a store...whether it was Dillards, Walmart, HEB...didn't matter.:D

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I can believe it. I knew a guy who instantly had to use the bathroom when he would go into a store...whether it was Dillards, Walmart, HEB...didn't matter.:D

I usually get a sick headache after reading my mail about 30 days after my wife has been to the mall. There ought to be a law against $600 shoes from Spain.

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
I usually get a sick headache after reading my mail about 30 days after my wife has been to the mall. There ought to be a law against $600 shoes from Spain.


LOL...I guess it is a good thing 1) I get the mail and 2) I write out the checks.;)

Who in their right mind can resist a fine pair of quality shoes...I like your wife!:D

[CenTexSports]

I wish the mall was my wife's problem. She is at home 24/7 and we get at least three packages a week from QVC. I hope the people that developed television shopping burn in He__!

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by CenTexSports
I wish the mall was my wife's problem. She is at home 24/7 and we get at least three packages a week from QVC. I hope the people that developed television shopping burn in He__!


I have heard others say similar things. I have also heard that E-Bay is evil.

:thinking:

[Ranger Mom]

Wow!! I just don't spend money!!

My favorite shoes are my $3.00 flip flops from Old Navy......2 pair for $5.00.....needles to say, I own every color they make!

I have so many people give me clothes, that I very rarely have to shop for those either.

I am, however, in the market for a comfortable swimsuit at the moment!!

[injuredinmelee]

was it a beer commercial that they had the secret spot for the guys to hang out in the dept store that was hidden inside a clothing rack? Was equiped with TV, fridge, etc...

[DaHop72]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I have heard others say similar things. I have also heard that E-Bay is evil.

:thinking: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Wow!! I just don't spend money!!

My favorite shoes are my $3.00 flip flops from Old Navy......2 pair for $5.00.....needles to say, I own every color they make!

I have so many people give me clothes, that I very rarely have to shop for those either.

I am, however, in the market for a comfortable swimsuit at the moment!!


I think Bull and I were both exaggerating.;)

Swimsuit shopping is the one thing I do dislike.:(

[CHS_CG]

I love shopping in Target.... that store has it all. I do like goin into home depo, but i only like lookin at the kitchen set ups they have in there. I want a huge kicthen some day! and a huge bathroom... like RM's only not so much gold

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
and a huge bathroom... like RM's only not so much gold

LOL!! I absolutely HATE that gold....but I don't wanna replace any fixtures until I find me a "waterfall" in another color to go in my bathtub.....gotta have that!!

[MHSvarsity2007]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
I love shopping in Target....

i absolutely love target. it makes me happy to be in there. :inlove: