LH Panther Mom
04-20-2006, 10:24 AM
79th LEGISLATURE: SPECIAL SESSION
There ought to be a law...
Some sports-related intiatives we'd like to see enacted.
By John Bridges
Austin American-Statesman
Thursday, April 20, 2006
The Legislature is back in town for another special session, and it seems to be off to a slow start. We can't help with school finance reform, but we do have a few suggestions for sports-related laws that need to be enacted. Approve these, lawmakers, and we guarantee re-election. Check out our list and then give us your sports-related 'there ought to be a law' suggestions online at statesman.com/talkofaustin.
VictorY Act
Requires that the Houston Texans draft Vince Young with the No. 1 overall pick in next week's NFL draft.
Robin Yount Plan (Robin Hood was already taken)
Equalizes the fortunes of Texas teams by sending Rangers hitters to offense-poor Houston and sending Astros pitchers to arm-poor Arlington.
No Child Left to Sign Law
Mandates that Mack Brown may recruit no players before sixth grade (unless they're really, really good).
Friendly Fire Amendment
Mandates the Mavs and Spurs may not face each other in the NBA playoffs — until the Finals.
Bar the Star Act
Strips the star from receiver Terrell Owens' Cowboys helmet.
Ryan's Law
Makes it a felony to withdraw a commitment on national signing day.
Void the Roid Initiative
Strikes from the record book all 41 career home runs that Barry Bonds has hit against the Astros and Rangers.
'Roger, Over and Out' Resolution
Resolves that retired athletes stay retired — unless they can guarantee a trip to the World Series for either the Astros or Rangers.
Wonder Blunder Law
Allows NFL draft prospects from Texas to substitute their point total in the Rose Bowl for their Wonderlic score.
State Fair Fairness Act
Mandates that the annual Texas-Oklahoma football game be forever played at the Cotton Bowl.
Tuna Excluder Law
Establishes a 10-year statute of limitations for the nickname 'Tuna.'
Fran Act
Cuts salaries in half for public university football coaches who fail to post winning seasons.
Red River Purity Act
Finances the building of a fence at the border — the northern border — to keep Sooners fans from immigrating in October.
Good Seats Initiative
Requires that season-ticket holders to UT basketball games actually go to the games. Punishable by banishment to the mezzanine.
T.J. Truth in Returning Law
Bans college athletes from saying they are '110 percent' sure that they'll return to school ... unless they are 110 percent sure they will.
Link to story (http://www.statesman.com/sports/content/sports/stories/other/04/20sportslege.html?COXnetJSessionIDbuild129=EHkT2Qu 2LVsXvH2TUP7i0IRE3rJf1Gb5hRMIQqy3oE47Wsu075zn)
There ought to be a law...
Some sports-related intiatives we'd like to see enacted.
By John Bridges
Austin American-Statesman
Thursday, April 20, 2006
The Legislature is back in town for another special session, and it seems to be off to a slow start. We can't help with school finance reform, but we do have a few suggestions for sports-related laws that need to be enacted. Approve these, lawmakers, and we guarantee re-election. Check out our list and then give us your sports-related 'there ought to be a law' suggestions online at statesman.com/talkofaustin.
VictorY Act
Requires that the Houston Texans draft Vince Young with the No. 1 overall pick in next week's NFL draft.
Robin Yount Plan (Robin Hood was already taken)
Equalizes the fortunes of Texas teams by sending Rangers hitters to offense-poor Houston and sending Astros pitchers to arm-poor Arlington.
No Child Left to Sign Law
Mandates that Mack Brown may recruit no players before sixth grade (unless they're really, really good).
Friendly Fire Amendment
Mandates the Mavs and Spurs may not face each other in the NBA playoffs — until the Finals.
Bar the Star Act
Strips the star from receiver Terrell Owens' Cowboys helmet.
Ryan's Law
Makes it a felony to withdraw a commitment on national signing day.
Void the Roid Initiative
Strikes from the record book all 41 career home runs that Barry Bonds has hit against the Astros and Rangers.
'Roger, Over and Out' Resolution
Resolves that retired athletes stay retired — unless they can guarantee a trip to the World Series for either the Astros or Rangers.
Wonder Blunder Law
Allows NFL draft prospects from Texas to substitute their point total in the Rose Bowl for their Wonderlic score.
State Fair Fairness Act
Mandates that the annual Texas-Oklahoma football game be forever played at the Cotton Bowl.
Tuna Excluder Law
Establishes a 10-year statute of limitations for the nickname 'Tuna.'
Fran Act
Cuts salaries in half for public university football coaches who fail to post winning seasons.
Red River Purity Act
Finances the building of a fence at the border — the northern border — to keep Sooners fans from immigrating in October.
Good Seats Initiative
Requires that season-ticket holders to UT basketball games actually go to the games. Punishable by banishment to the mezzanine.
T.J. Truth in Returning Law
Bans college athletes from saying they are '110 percent' sure that they'll return to school ... unless they are 110 percent sure they will.
Link to story (http://www.statesman.com/sports/content/sports/stories/other/04/20sportslege.html?COXnetJSessionIDbuild129=EHkT2Qu 2LVsXvH2TUP7i0IRE3rJf1Gb5hRMIQqy3oE47Wsu075zn)