I am GRIEF-STRICKEN!!!

[Ranger Mom]

My 15 yr. old son informed me he isn't playing football anymore. My 14 yr. old says he will play his freshman year and then concentrate solely on baseball. Where have I gone wrong??

Part of me wants to force them to play, and the other part knows I shouldn't. I told them long ago that I would NEVER force them to play a sport they didn't want to. Also, I let my oldest son quit after his freshman year to pursue his "rodeo" dreams.

I have been sick at my stomach, ALL DAY LONG. Am I taking this too hard?? Does anyone understand how I feel?? I think I may have to see a counselor - this has really depressed me!!

Please,somebody...anybody....I need some words of encouragement. What do I do......is there ANYTHING I can do??

A VERY sad Ranger Mom http://www.opelwerk.com/smiley-project/animated/sad-smilies/cry.gif http://www.opelwerk.com/smiley-project/animated/sad-smilies/JEDIcrying.gif http://www.opelwerk.com/smiley-project/animated/sad-smilies/mecry.gif

[vet93]

RangerMom...Does your son have the baseball skills/talent to take baseball to the next level to college or to the pros? I am not talking about being a pretty good player. I am talking about being a hoss. If he does have this type of talent in baseball, then this may be a very good decision. If he takes the extra time to hone his skills and not play around he could really improve his chances of a college education or high draft pick. If he is just a pretty good all-around athlete who just happens to enjoy baseball, then you might gently tell him that he may be missing out on something special by not participating. I almost quit after my eighth grade and freshman years because I wasn't having any fun...boohoo. I am so glad that I stuck it out. The experience of playing my junior and senior years are things that I will always treasure. They defined my high school experience and gave me the personal confidence to be successful at a large university. Even if your son enjoys baseball more, the thrill of playing varsity texas high school football is hard to beat. At his age...you cannot make him do anything. You can only encourage and be proud of him regardless of his choices, however, if he will listen you might pass on this advice from an old west texas jock who wouldn't want to see a young man miss out on something that he could treasure for a lifetime.

[Ranger Mom]

Thanks Vet,

The 15 yr. old isn't gonna be playing ANYTHING - I guess that is what bothers me the most. He is throwing the fact that I let my oldest son drop out after his freshman year. But....he(the odlest) also had another interest (roping, riding, etc.). I also understood the oldest one's reasoning a little better. He played QB and if he wanted to start or even play some, he was gonna have to beat out (or play back up)to Dawson Wilber. I understood!!
On the other hand, the younger (14 year old) loves baseball. He's okay, but not a stand out. I still have all next year to work on him, since he says he will play his freshman year. The 15 year old (who is a freshman now) has evidently already told his coaches he wasn't playing, so they are not even making him work out. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and I just found out last night.

As I sit here and type this, I have tears in my eyes. I feel like he is going to regret this decision, and it's hard for them to let you back in to the program, once you have already proved to them that you are a "quitter". I also worry, since he doesn't seem to have anything else that he is really interested in - that he might start getting into trouble. He is like his momma and a little bit of a rebel. I am just heartsick.

[Gobbla2001]

Encourage his friends to encourage him... Directly, all you want to do is encourage him to enjoy high school...

I do understand that you must be feelin' kinda sick though, I'm only 20, have no kids, but it made my stomache hurt...

Sorry for the sad situation...

[pero chato]

Rangermom, this is a tough one. It could be the random statements of a teenager just trying to get a reaction out of you (although it looks like he has already quit the team). Or it could be that he has thought this through and he really does not enjoy the game. I've seen parents force their kids to play, and it turned out that the kids excelled and loved it. Then there's the risk of pushing too hard and having them rebel or not try their best, or get hurt. You know your son better than anyone. It just depends on what motivates him. I would do as suggested and get his friends to work on him a little along with some of your own encouragement. I understand your concern with him not doing anything. Having three teens of my own, my philosophy is to keep them busy and tired. My final suggestion would be to cut a deal with him to at least play through JV and if he's still adamant about quitting, them let him, but with another sport or activity waiting in the wings. Good Luck!

<small>[ April 25, 2003, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: pero chato ]</small>

[Ranger Mom]

I will try your advice about his friends. Thank you!!

I guess I can kinda see this whole thing through his eyes though. He has been playing since 3rd grade (my husband coached) so he had always been a starter. In seventh grade he was starting tailback and his best friend was QB. In 8th grade they moved his friend to starting tailback. He had a choice to back him up OR play starting on the "B" team - he chose the B team. This year he hurt his neck during one-a-days (which is what our freshman do) and missed the first couple of games. He missed about 3 more games with reoccuring tonsilitis. He had his tonsils out at Christmas, but it took him a long time to bounce back from that. In all this down-time, he had just decided that football wasn't fun to him anymore. I think it is a combination of not starting, the coaches thinking he's "puny", and his personality. He is different from all my other kids. He needs to be encouraged and told from the coaches, "man, we really need you out there", instead of what he got, which was, "if you do't wanna be here, then we don't want you here". So......therein lies my dilema. I don't know whether to be a "pushy" mom and talk to the coaches, or just let it alone. I have friends, whose kids DON'T play sports, and they think I am over reacting - maybe I am. All I know is that my heart hurts right now!!

[sinton66]

RangerMom, football is not the center of life for everyone(not a surprize is it?). My best advice is to support him in whatever he decides to do. But, the decision really does need to be his. (That doesn't mean you can't use a little reverse psychology on him). Tell him you can understand him not wanting to play football(even though you can't) and you will support his decision whatever the outcome. Just try to make sure he isn't doing this out of some misguided fear. Feelings of inferiority (not starting, etc) might be overcome simply by redoubling his effort to help the team. My own son didn't start until his junior year, and he's 6'4" and weighs in at 290 lbs. He just never really put out the serious effort until I shed some light and one of his coaches asked him to step it up. He got pounded in practice for two years before that trying to get him mad enough to take a stand for himself and the team. He was at the point of quitting also when I pointed out to him why they were doing that, then he understood, and started trying. His friends could give you some clues, but don't expect any great revelations from them. Usually, they will speak only in generalities with adults, especially a buddy's parents. Above all else, stay "mom" to him, and support him.

[PPHSfan]

Hey There Mom,

Something else that you might wan't to check into. Student Peer Assistance and Leadership or something like it. Our school has one and I am sure most do. You would be surprised at the effect Juniors and Seniors can have as Mentors. Maybe you should ask the HC/AD for some help from the upper classmen. There is never any harm in asking for some positive mentoring.

[Pudlugger]

Ranger Mom you are the adult. Right now your son is confused and discouraged. Tell him you expect him to finish what he started and you are prepared to do whatever it takes to back him up. Take some time off if necessary and watch him practice this summer and keep on top of his everyday experience. Being a football parent means being a sports psychologist, a drill sargeant and a loving concerned parent all at once. Whatever you do, don't let him quit because he isn't starting. That just sets him up for failure in life. I have immense respect for the small guys on our team in La Grange who have withstood the test of 5 years of playing football with bigger and stronger kids who quit, while they persevered. Look, make it easy for him. Offer him a choice, play football, keep his grades up and stay out of trouble and life will be good (i.e. you will back him up with emotional support as well as the bucks) otherwise, life will be tough. Bottom line, if you are as upset as you say, you need to let him know what your expectations are and why you feel as you do. It is a myth that kids know what is best, they usually are confused, short sighted and lack perspective. That is where parents can really make a diference, don't be afraid to assert your better judgement. Good luck.

[big daddy russ]

Ranger Mom... hog tie the kid, take him out behind the woodshed and beat him senseless. Then drag his tail end to two-a-days still unconsious and make him feel the wrath of that bamboo stick you used on him a second time through the beautiful thing that is a big, angry linebacker. Then support him in his endeavor to be the best football player he can possibly be.

[Ranger Mom]

Well, I have several different avenues to pursue here!! I am feeling better about all of this now. I think the shock is beginning to wear off. Right now, he is adamant that he doesn't want to play. He is never going to be a linebacker - he's 5'8" and MAYBE 130 lbs. soaking wet. I think I am just gonna let it alone for now. I can't force him to play when I let his older brother quit after his freshman year. He really likes riding dirt bikes, so we may see what he can do there. I may be making the wrong decision, but I am tired of fighting about it. Football is not for everyone. I think he has potential, and he knows that. But if his heart isn't in it, then there's nothing that I can do or say to change that. "Back in the day" when I was in athletics, I was dedicated, I have NEVER seen real dedication in my son. I think it has always been something to do, because his friends did. He has been sick A LOT this year and has fallen behind. He is having to take Saturday schools and go to after school tutorials just to be able to make up enough days that he has missed to get his credits. I think he is just feeling overwhelmed with the workload right now. Hopefully, when school is out and summer is here, he will eventually change his mind. I will just have to try and get used to the fact that I may always have to cheer for someone else's boy!!

[exbccards76'smom]

Ranger Mom,

I know what you are going thru, but my son quit at the College level. He was a talented all state offensive lineman. Got to college and decided that he didn't want to play anymore. I was upset, but it was his decision. He had been playing since 7th grade. eek!

[Rabbit'93]

Hey Mom,
I wasn't going to chime in on this one, but I thought what the heck. All parents want the best for their kids. Sometimes the best thing for them isn't always what we want. You have to ask yourself "Do I want him to play because it would be a great experience" or "I just don't want everyone in my town to think hes a quitter". Try to find something that he has an interest in. All kids need to have a hobby.

My 5 year old is in his first year of T-ball and at the game today a girl missed a pop-up. She started crying and that reminded me that our kids really what to do their best, if not for themselves, but for us. So just be proud of your son no matter what he does.

<small>[ April 26, 2003, 05:28 PM: Message edited by: Rabbit'93 ]</small>

[Chief Woodman]

Ranger Mom- My heart breaks for you. It is really tough when our children make decisions that we cannot understand, but he must have his reasons. Contrary to what some others have recommend here, I say if his heart is not in it, do not force him to play. This is not baseball, or basketball or track. The Football field is a very dangerous place be if you are not giving 100% all the time. If you make him play and he is not giving 100%, his chances of getting very seriously injured are so great that it should scare any caring person. Do not trade his health for anything. He is not "quiting what he started" because it is not football season. I too believe in finishing what you start, EXCEPT when continuing just for the sake of continuing puts the person in harms way. If he was dreaming of being a stuntman and crashed his bicycle so bad that he had second thoughts, would you make him get on a motorcycle and force him to try to do a stunt because he "shouldn't be a quiter"? I think not. Do not force him to play...it might have health consequences that last a lifetime.

[Ranger Mom]

Thanks to all of you for your advice. I am just going to let it go - for now. Hopefully, he will decide he wants to play on his own, but right now, his heart ISN'T in it. I will take the blame on some of this. He says I make too big of a deal over HIGH SCHOOL football. (And I probably do). He doesn't have the love for the game like I do, and I can't force it on him. I have decided to let his friends work on him, and I will just be there to support him in whatever decision he makes.
Thanks again!!!

[Green Ranger]

To Ranger Mom and others,
Being where I am, I see this all the time, at the same time I see kids stay in things because mom or dad have forced them into it. I have two views on this, first one being it hurts the team as their hearts are usually not in it and they dont give it their best. If they had stepped aside, I know there are kids who have that desire to put on that Rangers football jersey and give 110% every day. The other angle is this and I have seen this all to often, their minds are elsewhere when they are playing and often times they wind up getting hurt. So now not only is your son(or daughter) not playing you have to seem them in pain and more or less because you wanted them to play. My parents never forced me to do anything, they suggested and pushed me towards certain things and I was left to make the final decision on your own. I know your kids, and they are great kids. At the same time I am reminded of a qoute from "Varsity Blues", Football may be your life, but your son may not want your life. Who knows back off and just maybe he may find his way back to football some day, and if not, he is still your son. I heard Coach Purser say, he wants everybody to participate in something, but more importantly he wants them to have fun be it the rodeo or baseball or whatever they choose.

[Doon]

big daddy russ:
Ranger Mom... hog tie the kid, take him out behind the woodshed and beat him senseless. Then drag his tail end to two-a-days still unconsious and make him feel the wrath of that bamboo stick you used on him a second time through the beautiful thing that is a big, angry linebacker. Then support him in his endeavor to be the best football player he can possibly be.BDR,
That's what I would do, however, as you know here in Ingleside, If all parents would do this we would have more than the same 10-20% of the High School kids out for sports. Such a shame that's all we can get to come out.

[BrahmaMom]

RangerMom, I felt for you so much, that I went through the process of being not just a reader anymore. My son tore his ACL the first game of his sr year; He was grief-stricken and we for him. He had to make the decision whether or not to have surgery (his 2nd major from football)and we left it up to him. Totally. And supported whatever decision he made. They aren't little boys any more and we have to let them follow their dreams and make their mistakes. I have to say, as I watched the injury occur zoomed-in on the viewfinder of my video camera, I watched him go down to watch for head, neck, or spinal cord injuries. And I thank God that we didn't have to go through what Cory's family is. Because my son made the choice to have surgery, he also made the determination to rehab in record time and he will be playing for Rice next season. When he was 3 and loved football, I didn't want him to play football for fear of injuries, but it's his focus in life and we saw that and I had to let go back then. I pray a lot for his safety and the two surgeries and rehabs were very tough on him and tough to watch. I don't know if your sons are strong-willed, focused boys or not. That makes a difference. You are all in my prayers as you go through this. All I can offer you is that I turned it all over to the Lord a long time ago, because it was way too much for me. And that has gotten me through. Good luck and God bless.

[Chris Hart]

That is good advice BrahmaMom, and I am also glad to hear the good news about Garrett signing with Rice. He caught my attention 2 years ago in the playoffs, so I will be following his collegiate career as well. Good luck to him!

[BrahmaMom]

Thanks, Chris. The support of you and others made a big difference in Garrett's decision and recovery, we all appreciate it. Rice's football website is www.ricefootball.net. (http://www.ricefootball.net.) A tragic injury turned out to be the best thing and a true blessing for Garrett. Rice is a topnotch school with a terrific kinesiology program for coaching, has a wonderful football program, Hatfield and his coaches are the best coaching staff and people and they stuck w/ Garrett throughout the ACL ordeal, they got a great recruit class to go along with their other players, and he gets to play w/ Syptak again. It doesn't get any better. RangerMom, may your own experience turn out half as well, and you and the boys will be fine! What seems to be a nightmare can become a miracle. Been there, done that, I speak from experience.

[MBulldog4life]

i am a 15 yr old kid and i play foot ball and baseball for my team and i was considering quitting my baseball for alot of reasons till i talked to my parents so try and find out what those reasons are i mean my freshman year i got real sick and could not work out for 3 months but worked my way back up the ladder talk to your son and tell him that you want to play ball and that he will regret not doing it jsut tell him to give it another year and if he does not like it he can quit next season