The things kids say

[turbostud]

I just got back from eating at Chili's. While we are in the middle of dinner a lesbian couple sits down in the booth next to ours. One is a lipstick lesbian and the other the manly type lesbian with a short haircut and so on. After a few minutes my 3 yr. daughter(who is practically sitting next the manly one) stands up in the booth and says "Momma how come that man is wearing earrings". My wifes eyes just about shot out of her head. :doh:

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by turbostud
sitting next the manly one) stands up in the booth and says "Momma how come that man is wearing earrings". My wifes eyes just about shot out of her head. :doh:

Out of the mouths of babes:)

[piratebg]

It could have been worse. She could have asked why that man had boobies.:)

[injuredinmelee]

I got a bad one. My 5yr old son who mentally is about 3 1/2 was with me in Wal mart recently and there was a very large black woman walkign towards us that was cursed with huge moles on her face and my son started pointng saying , "Daddy Shrek Theres Shrek." I hope to God that she didnt hear him. She was still pretty far away and I would be devastated to know that something he said hurt someones feelings.

[Ranger Mom]

Only thing is, this day and age, it's not surprising to see a MAN wearing 2 earrings!

I got this email today, and this seems like a good thread to post it on.

THE MIDDLE WIFE

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own
second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

[She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.]

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " [Erica ! puts a hand behind her back and groans.] "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'"

[Now this kid is doing an hysterical duck walk and groaning.]

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."

[Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.]

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

[This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!]

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

[pirate44]

Haha!!. funny. that reminds me my 2 year old is really startin to talk it up. unfortunately his favorite word as of today is truck. the bad thing is, he isnt pronouncing the tr sound. he sounds like he is replacing the t-r, with an "F" :eek: :doh:

[Ranger Mom]

Okay....I just rememered an embarrrassing "kid" story of my own.

When Chad (my oldest) was about 2 or 3 we were in Walmart. It was during the Christmas season and it was PACKED. We were in a long long long line and he was chattering away keeping the other customers in line amused.

We were about 3 people away from the checkout stand when all the sudden he shouted, "mommy, you forgot the cocaine". I was so shocked and just stared at him and said, "what"?....He repeated again, at the top of his lungs, "you forgot the cocaine"!

By this time the line had grown silent, even the checker quit checking and everyone was staring at me. I didn't know what to do. I finally asked him again, "Chad, what are you talking about"?

He said, "the cocaine, mommy, the cocaine....you know, those red and white things we hang on the Christmas Tree".

I breathed a sigh of relief and everyone in line got a big laugh as I told him..."Chad, those are CANDY CANES"!

[injuredinmelee]

Be very careful what you say in front of your kids. When my daughter turned 4 her grandparents got her a motorized truck that she could sit in and drive you all know the one i am talkign about. Well she gets in it and starts showing off for both sets of grandparents, friends, family etc... well she pulls up behind her grandfather who wont move out of the way so she starts hitting where the horn is supposed to be saying, " G.D. get out of the way." Of course the old folks are turning red and Im so embarrassed. her mother tells her Megan Dont say that. Her reply...

Thats what Daddy says when hes driving.

[injuredinmelee]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Okay....I just rememered an embarrrassing "kid" story of my own.

When Chad (my oldest) was about 2 or 3 we were in Walmart. It was during the Christmas season and it was PACKED. We were in a long long long line and he was chattering away keeping the other customers in line amused.

We were about 3 people away from the checkout stand when all the sudden he shouted, "mommy, you forgot the cocaine". I was so shocked and just stared at him and said, "what"?....He repeated again, at the top of his lungs, "you forgot the cocaine"!

By this time the line had grown silent, even the checker quit checking and everyone was staring at me. I didn't know what to do. I finally asked him again, "Chad, what are you talking about"?

He said, "the cocaine, mommy, the cocaine....you know, those red and white things we hang on the Christmas Tree".

I breathed a sigh of relief and everyone in line got a big laugh as I told him..."Chad, those are CANDY CANES"!

Now that was funny

[pirate44]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Okay....I just rememered an embarrrassing "kid" story of my own.

When Chad (my oldest) was about 2 or 3 we were in Walmart. It was during the Christmas season and it was PACKED. We were in a long long long line and he was chattering away keeping the other customers in line amused.

We were about 3 people away from the checkout stand when all the sudden he shouted, "mommy, you forgot the cocaine". I was so shocked and just stared at him and said, "what"?....He repeated again, at the top of his lungs, "you forgot the cocaine"!

By this time the line had grown silent, even the checker quit checking and everyone was staring at me. I didn't know what to do. I finally asked him again, "Chad, what are you talking about"?

He said, "the cocaine, mommy, the cocaine....you know, those red and white things we hang on the Christmas Tree".

I breathed a sigh of relief and everyone in line got a big laugh as I told him..."Chad, those are CANDY CANES"!
ROFL :D