Buccaneer
03-01-2006, 09:16 AM
This has to be on the QT, but we have secretly acquired a copy of Vince Young's much-discussed Wonderlic test, and we can honestly say we did not swap it for arms or hostages or Steve Francis.
1. Your favorite play in college was:
a. Me on one.
b. Me on two.
c. Me on three.
d. Somebody else so Ramonce Taylor doesn't pout.
2. The proper attire for a White House reception is:
a. Tuxedo.
b. Sweatshirt and jeans. (Hey, we're Texans.)
c. Naked as a jaybird.
d. Oh, White House, I thought Mack said White Castle.
3. If you charge $99 a photo and pose for 3,000 pictures in six hours, you:
a. Are doing it because you love kids.
b. Will make $297,000, minus $200 for the limo.
c. Are unapologetically exploiting your recent fame.
d. Will wonder why you didn't charge $199 a photo.
4. Which of the following do not belong:
a. Apples.
b. Oranges.
c. Apricots.
d.
5. In a leap year, your birthday falls on:
a. January 36
b. Ides of March
c. Romans 3:11
e. May 18
6. Had you run for only 4 yards on that crucial fourth-and-5 in the Rose Bowl, you:
a. Would have been 1 yard short.
b. Would have been 2 yards short.
c. Would blame Greg Davis.
d. Would be returning for your senior season.
7. If 50 Cent's next rap album loses $2 million a month for the next two months, he would:
a. Be required by law to change his name to 25 Cent.
b. Lose $3 million.
c. Lose $4 million.
d. Lose less if his name were Dollar Bill.
8. The number of inches in a foot are:
a. Twelve inches.
b. Dependent upon whether it's Shaq's foot or Nate Robinson's foot.
c. Different in a leap year.
d. Hard to measure if the foot is in the mouth of anyone who doubts Vince Young.
9. In the month of October, the sun always rises:
a. In the east.
b. In the Far East.
c. In the South by Southwest.
d. In Mack Brown's world.
10. Which item doesn't fit in the following sequence:
a. One.
b. Two.
c. Brokeback Mountain.
d. Three.
11. If September is the ninth month of the year, the third day of September is:
a. September 3.
b. Monday.
c. Dependent on whether it's a leap year.
d. Before Sept. 2.
12. Pick out the current president:
a. Karl Rove
b. Dick Cheney
c. That Condi chick.
d. George W. Bush until he goes quail hunting with Dick Cheney.
13. If you're on a train that leaves Boston at 8 a.m. EST headed east for Paris and it travels with a tailwind of 30 mph for half the trip and a headwind of 2 mph the other two-thirds, you will:
a. Arrive in France at 3 p.m. two days later.
b. Be speaking French by midnight the same day.
c. Miss opening day for the Red Sox.
d. Drown.
14. If you're Vince Young and score a 6 on this test, you should:
a. Buy a calendar and calculator from Office Depot.
b. Wait till after your next $1,000-a-pop-quick-peek-at Vince-but-absolutely-no-pictures-no autographs-and-no-prolonged-glances session and buy an Office Depot.
c. Retake the test and sit by D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
d. Blame it on the United Arab Emirates' administration of the test.
15. Vince Young couldn't have hired a worse agent if he had hired:
a. 007.
b. Maxwell Smart.
c. Master P.
d. Agent Orange.
16. If an NFL general manager is bothered by Vince's score on this test, that team's owner should:
a. Immediately fire Matt Millen before he drafts Reggie McNeal in the first round to be a wide receiver.
b. Wonder why he didn't fire Charley Casserly months ago.
c. Not hold it against Vince that he hired Bozo the Clown for an agent.
d. Completely disregard the whole ridiculous test, trust what he has seen on the field — especially in Pasadena — and realize that Vince Young won 30 of 32 starts and is a supremely gifted, extraordinary talent who could take his team to a Super Bowl title.
The correct answer on No. 16 — the only question that is relevant — is d. The Texans should still make Vince the first pick of the draft, even if it's not a leap year.
1. Your favorite play in college was:
a. Me on one.
b. Me on two.
c. Me on three.
d. Somebody else so Ramonce Taylor doesn't pout.
2. The proper attire for a White House reception is:
a. Tuxedo.
b. Sweatshirt and jeans. (Hey, we're Texans.)
c. Naked as a jaybird.
d. Oh, White House, I thought Mack said White Castle.
3. If you charge $99 a photo and pose for 3,000 pictures in six hours, you:
a. Are doing it because you love kids.
b. Will make $297,000, minus $200 for the limo.
c. Are unapologetically exploiting your recent fame.
d. Will wonder why you didn't charge $199 a photo.
4. Which of the following do not belong:
a. Apples.
b. Oranges.
c. Apricots.
d.
5. In a leap year, your birthday falls on:
a. January 36
b. Ides of March
c. Romans 3:11
e. May 18
6. Had you run for only 4 yards on that crucial fourth-and-5 in the Rose Bowl, you:
a. Would have been 1 yard short.
b. Would have been 2 yards short.
c. Would blame Greg Davis.
d. Would be returning for your senior season.
7. If 50 Cent's next rap album loses $2 million a month for the next two months, he would:
a. Be required by law to change his name to 25 Cent.
b. Lose $3 million.
c. Lose $4 million.
d. Lose less if his name were Dollar Bill.
8. The number of inches in a foot are:
a. Twelve inches.
b. Dependent upon whether it's Shaq's foot or Nate Robinson's foot.
c. Different in a leap year.
d. Hard to measure if the foot is in the mouth of anyone who doubts Vince Young.
9. In the month of October, the sun always rises:
a. In the east.
b. In the Far East.
c. In the South by Southwest.
d. In Mack Brown's world.
10. Which item doesn't fit in the following sequence:
a. One.
b. Two.
c. Brokeback Mountain.
d. Three.
11. If September is the ninth month of the year, the third day of September is:
a. September 3.
b. Monday.
c. Dependent on whether it's a leap year.
d. Before Sept. 2.
12. Pick out the current president:
a. Karl Rove
b. Dick Cheney
c. That Condi chick.
d. George W. Bush until he goes quail hunting with Dick Cheney.
13. If you're on a train that leaves Boston at 8 a.m. EST headed east for Paris and it travels with a tailwind of 30 mph for half the trip and a headwind of 2 mph the other two-thirds, you will:
a. Arrive in France at 3 p.m. two days later.
b. Be speaking French by midnight the same day.
c. Miss opening day for the Red Sox.
d. Drown.
14. If you're Vince Young and score a 6 on this test, you should:
a. Buy a calendar and calculator from Office Depot.
b. Wait till after your next $1,000-a-pop-quick-peek-at Vince-but-absolutely-no-pictures-no autographs-and-no-prolonged-glances session and buy an Office Depot.
c. Retake the test and sit by D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
d. Blame it on the United Arab Emirates' administration of the test.
15. Vince Young couldn't have hired a worse agent if he had hired:
a. 007.
b. Maxwell Smart.
c. Master P.
d. Agent Orange.
16. If an NFL general manager is bothered by Vince's score on this test, that team's owner should:
a. Immediately fire Matt Millen before he drafts Reggie McNeal in the first round to be a wide receiver.
b. Wonder why he didn't fire Charley Casserly months ago.
c. Not hold it against Vince that he hired Bozo the Clown for an agent.
d. Completely disregard the whole ridiculous test, trust what he has seen on the field — especially in Pasadena — and realize that Vince Young won 30 of 32 starts and is a supremely gifted, extraordinary talent who could take his team to a Super Bowl title.
The correct answer on No. 16 — the only question that is relevant — is d. The Texans should still make Vince the first pick of the draft, even if it's not a leap year.