Maroon87
02-14-2006, 03:25 PM
Here once again are the annual Darwin Awards. Among our favorites:
Honorable Mention:
12) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy
Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game
of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.
11) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
10) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
9) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection fr om the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost
an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
8) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
7) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in Januar y by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.
6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
5) In Guthrie, Oklahoma,, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
4) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in An dover Township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
in their car while driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
2) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby.
One end of the cabl e was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end
was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say " said Bingham "is that God was watching out
for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS:
1) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of feces.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema w hen the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
With no one there to help him, he lay under the dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves sh*t
happens.
Honorable Mention:
12) According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy
Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game
of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.
11) In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
10) A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker accidentally jogged off a
100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
9) Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection fr om the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost
an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
8) Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
7) According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in Januar y by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.
6) Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as
he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
5) In Guthrie, Oklahoma,, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet
ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
head, fracturing his skull.
4) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in An dover Township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
in their car while driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
2) TACOMA, WA - - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby.
One end of the cabl e was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end
was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say " said Bingham "is that God was watching out
for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS:
1) Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of feces.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema w hen the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.
With no one there to help him, he lay under the dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves sh*t
happens.