Random Chuck Norris Facts

[Adidas410s]

22 Chuck Norris Facts

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
http://mike.wordpress.com/files/2005/12/chuck_norris_1.jpg
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

[NSUTrumpet08]

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice!

[Old Tiger]

Chuck Norris is so cool that his jokes are played out.

[Adidas410s]

God wanted 10 days to create the world...Chuck Norris gave him 6.

[gobbler84]

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee Indian. This has nothin to do with Heritage, this guy ate a freaking Indian!

[PPHSfan]

Greatness

[Adidas410s]

Originally posted by gobbler84
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee Indian. This has nothin to do with Heritage, this guy ate a freaking Indian!

now now...don't try and edit out the language. Tell it like it is! :p

[Pmoney]

HAHA CHUCK NORRIS RULES! i posted some facts a couple weeks ago

[RMAC]

Chuck Norris sleeps w/ a night light. Not b/c Chuck is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths increased by 13,000%

there are 2 types of people; People who are Chuck Norris and people who die.

and my most favorite of all . . .

A man once told Chuck Norris that a roundhouse kick was not the best way to kick somebody. This has been recorded by historians as the biggest mistake ever made.

[pirate4state]

LMAO! Chuck Norris ....

[schu1213]

The milkshake does not bring chuck norris to the yard

[PPHSfan]

Chuck Norris' first girlfriend died from exaustion. As did his second, and any girl up until now. In fact, the only thing more deadly than pissing off Chuck Norris is having sex with him. Despite this fact, Chuck Norris deflowers, and therefore terminates, an average of 498 virgins a day.

[PPHSfan]

Chuck Norris once saw a "DO NOT WALK ON THE GRASS" sign. He stared at the grass until it burst into flames then said, "Chuck Norris walks where he wants."

[PPHSfan]

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the blackness out of Michael Jackson. The obsession with young boys came later, as a side effect.

[DU_stud04]

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

[Keith7]

I remember one time Chuck Norris took his family to Sea World... they were watching Shamu the whale when Chuck got splashed! So Chuck yells, 'I'm Chuck Norris and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'How do you like it?!' And then damn if Chuck Norris didn't step in there and finish the show!

Chuck Norris used put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra 'Beverly'. And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Chuck had to shoot the maid.

[Keith7]

Originally posted by DU_stud04
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

why would he do that?? wendy's doesn't serve breakfast at all??

[Adidas410s]

Originally posted by Keith7
So with tears in his eyes, Chuck had to shoot the maid.

Dude...Chuck Norris doesn't cry!

[DU_stud04]

Originally posted by Keith7
why would he do that?? wendy's doesn't serve breakfast at all??

he's chuck norris, dont question it! haha

[STANG RED]

I swear, if I have to see one more of these Chuck Norris things, I'm gonna have to go kick Chuck Norris in the nads.......................Again!

[gtownpoke]

his nads will kick you back

[Old Tiger]

Originally posted by STANG RED
I swear, if I have to see one more of these Chuck Norris things, I'm gonna have to go kick Chuck Norris in the nads.......................Again! You're tired of them too?

[gobbler84]

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

[eagles_victory]

Originally posted by Tiger WR
You're tired of them too? If your tired Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you and put you to sleep perminately :D

[gobbler84]

You don't get tired of Chuck Norris, he gets tired of you!

[eagles_victory]

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.

Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.

Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television
when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by
what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to
be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then
shout at them, "Trix are for Chuck Norris."

A Stranger Called and Chuck Norris answered it is reported that the stranger never called anyone ever again.

Im not sure if those have been posted just thought they were funny.

[PPHSfan]

Originally posted by eagles_victory
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the
1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.

Chuck Norris knows a wrong way to eat a Reeses.

Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television
when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by
what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to
be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then
shout at them, "Trix are for Chuck Norris."

A Stranger Called and Chuck Norris answered it is reported that the stranger never called anyone ever again.

Im not sure if those have been posted just thought they were funny.

Greatness

[PPHSfan]

In 1994, a film was made in Japan entitled Godzilla vs. Chuck Norris. It depitced a fight between the two, in which Chuck Norris made Godzilla tap out like a schoolgirl. The producers, not wanting their most marketable character to be owned in this fashion, did not release the film. After roundhouse kicking their heads off, Chuck Norris used their ribs to comb his beard.

[PPHSfan]

Chuck Norris just saved a ton of money on his car insurance. Then he kicked somebody in the face.

[BullFrog Dad]

Chuck Norris tried to get Southlake Carroll to schedule a football game against him for non-district but they backed out.