3afan
11-21-2005, 08:17 AM
dont blame the messenger --->
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..." :thumbsup:
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve
food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
"A
beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing, 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have
a
look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he
says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are
five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom
or
my dad, or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin.
But
I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
15. I went to the butcher the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too
high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't -- I've cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in
the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..." :thumbsup:
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve
food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
"A
beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing, 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have
a
look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he
says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are
five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom
or
my dad, or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin.
But
I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
15. I went to the butcher the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too
high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't -- I've cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in
the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.