pirate44
11-18-2005, 04:24 PM
i got my Dilbert newsletter today (yes, i'm a geek). i thought everybody would have a good laugh from Dogbert answering people's letters. So, here goes.
Ask Dogbert
============
Dogbert answers tough questions with tough love.
Dear Dogbert,
Where’s the best place to take a vacation?
Barb
Dear Burp,
I recommend France. But hurry, while there’s still something left to burn. Bring your lighter, gasoline, and lots of oily rags. If you tell airport security that you’re heading for France, they’ll wave you through.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
How can I avoid getting bird flu?
Eric
Dear Error,
Your best bet is to avoid intimate physical contact with anything that has feathers. And that means your Dukes of Hazard pillow case has got to go.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
I keep forgetting where I left my keys. Do you know where I can get some stem cells to fix that?
Nate
Dear Nut,
I recommend having a baby. They’re noisy, but an excellent source of spare parts. Just don’t get greedy. If you space it out, they won’t even notice what’s missing. And whatever you do, don’t teach them to talk. That’s just asking for trouble.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Marty
Dear Barfy,
God loves you. Unfortunately, the alien overlords who put you on this planet are using you to test cosmetics.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
Are golfers athletes?
Ned
Dear Nerd,
Yes, in the same way that moss is salad.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
Ask Dogbert
============
Dogbert answers tough questions with tough love.
Dear Dogbert,
Where’s the best place to take a vacation?
Barb
Dear Burp,
I recommend France. But hurry, while there’s still something left to burn. Bring your lighter, gasoline, and lots of oily rags. If you tell airport security that you’re heading for France, they’ll wave you through.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
How can I avoid getting bird flu?
Eric
Dear Error,
Your best bet is to avoid intimate physical contact with anything that has feathers. And that means your Dukes of Hazard pillow case has got to go.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
I keep forgetting where I left my keys. Do you know where I can get some stem cells to fix that?
Nate
Dear Nut,
I recommend having a baby. They’re noisy, but an excellent source of spare parts. Just don’t get greedy. If you space it out, they won’t even notice what’s missing. And whatever you do, don’t teach them to talk. That’s just asking for trouble.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Marty
Dear Barfy,
God loves you. Unfortunately, the alien overlords who put you on this planet are using you to test cosmetics.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
==
Dear Dogbert,
Are golfers athletes?
Ned
Dear Nerd,
Yes, in the same way that moss is salad.
Sincerely,
Dogbert