The Win-Lose Experience

[Bullaholic]

How many of you or your kids were fortunate enough to play for winning teams (including all sports) during the athletic years. How much does winning add to, or losing take away from your enjoyment of high school sports? How much did it "taint" or "lift" your HS years, and does it still come to mind after HS? Has the emphasis on "winning" become even more acute in the modern HS era? And, now do we keep "losses" more in perspective and really "walk our talk" when we tell kids -"It not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game that counts." Do we still really believe that or is it losing its meaning? Have we "blurred" these concepts because of the way we watch pro sports, and now apply "pro" perspectives to HS athletics with regard to "winning" and "losing"?

[vet93]

I heard a guy at a conference this week say...."It is not about winning and losing....it is about the kids and their participation............Of course only losing coaches say that!" He was trying to be funny but he was very true in his statement. I have been on teams that won one game all season and I have been on teams that went 4 rounds into the playoffs. While a great deal can be learned in atheltics that is independent of winning....lets face it....winning is alot more fun and gives you motivation to become even better. The goal is to win...not lose. There is a certain letdown when you don't reach your stated goal. The problem is when we as a society elevate winning to the point that it inhibits our objectivity and changes our perspecitive to the point that our integrity is no longer important. When that happens we do things like cheat, and abuse and alienate our kids because we want the victory. And that is when we cross the line....when the WIN becomes more important than the Young Person.

[LH Panther Mom]

I like winning much more than losing. ;) But, it's much more important that my children know at the end of the game that they played hard, played fair, played to win (regardless of the score), that they played to the best of their ability every single moment, and that they HAD FUN.

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
I like winning much more than losing. ;) But, it's much more important that my children know at the end of the game that they played hard, played fair, played to win (regardless of the score), that they played to the best of their ability every single moment, and that they HAD FUN.


I guess one of the things I want to know LHPMom, is---Do the kids still believe that there are folks like us who really believe what we are telling them? We live in an age of "sound bytes" and everybody, including the kids, seem to think that everything falls into that category. (Not saying that our kids don't still love and respect us.)

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
I guess one of the things I want to know LHPMom, is---Do the kids still believe that there are folks like us who really believe what we are telling them? We live in an age of "sound bytes" and everybody, including the kids, seem to think that everything falls into that category. (Not saying that our kids don't still love and respect us.)

Well, I had to deal with a loss early this year with # 55. It was the team's first loss since they started playing in 7th grade. I knew he was upset and we talked about it when he got home. I asked him if he had played as hard as he could every play..."yes, momma". I asked him if he had fun PLAYING..."yes, momma". Lastly, I asked him if he had learned anything...."yes, I did what I could, it wasn't enough, so I need to do more next week".

[RMAC]

Sports are what you do, NOT who you are. Sometimes I think people lose sight of that.

[Bullaholic]

You're a good mom, LHPMom---we all knew that, but it's still a shame to watch some parents just "rail" at their kid from the time they are 6, if they don't win or play well, and smother them with coaching advice that may be counter to what their coach is telling them.

[exbccards76'smom]

I went thru losing years and winning years when my son was playing. Always complimented him on how he played. The worst year was his junior year when BC went 0-10. The best year was his senior year when BC went to the playoffs for the first time in 30 years.

[DaHop72]

Bull I coach kids 9-12 years old. Four major rules in order. 1. Have fun 2. We are here to learn 3. We play as a team, no I's 4. The coaches will tell you where you play, etc.
We all like to win and I think you have to learn how to win and how to lose. No one likes to lose but I think sometimes it teaches kids a lesson about life, because as we all know life's not always fair.

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by DaHop72
Bull I coach kids 9-12 years old. Four major rules in order. 1. Have fun 2. We are here to learn 3. We play as a team, no I's 4. The coaches will tell you where you play, etc.
We all like to win and I think you have to learn how to win and how to lose. No one likes to lose but I think sometimes it teaches kids a lesson about life, because as we all know life's not always fair.

Yep, and I bet you get to have some really "involved" meetings with some parents over no.4, DaHop72.

[chaingang]

Originally posted by exbccards76'smom
I went thru losing years and winning years when my son was playing. Always complimented him on how he played. The worst year was his junior year when BC went 0-10. The best year was his senior year when BC went to the playoffs for the first time in 30 years.


And still lost to WO-S.:D I know, I know, Im just picking.

What year was that playoff year, I cant remember.

[DaHop72]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Yep, and I bet you get to have some really "involved" meetings with some parents over no.4, DaHop72.
Yes sir, sounds like the voice of experience Bull.

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Yep, and I bet you get to have some really "involved" meetings with some parents over no.4, DaHop72.
Unfortunately, that happens all too often at all levels of play. I don't know what's worse - an armchair quarterback or a stadium coach. Someone who is volunteering their time to coach at the younger level has my respect. To the whiners, if you can do better, get out there.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Someone who is volunteering their time to coach at the younger level has my respect.

That is a thankless job!!

I got guilted into coaching my son's T-Ball team way back when (and we all know how much I love baseball):p

I couldn't believe the parents who yelled at me. One dad had the nerve to tell me that I didn't have a clue what I was doing, in which I yelled back. "You're darn right I don't....where were you when they were begging for "DADS" to take the teams"?

It all turned out good though, my team ended up in 3rd place out of the 9 teams and I met my husband (I made his son my pitcher:D ).

You couldn't pay me to do it again though!

[DaHop72]

I think sometimes we would be better off if they didn't let some of the parents in. After our game last Saturday, I left and got a call later. They had called the police to the Boys Club to escort two men from the field who were threatening the officials. The sad part is that this is 3rd and 4th grade flag football. Wonder what they will be like when the boys get older. Dad's living there lives through there children. Just so you moms will know, we have had two girls in our league the last two years and I have had both of them on my team. Last years girl was there because it had been her dream to play football. My girl this year has better hands than most boys. She is a blessing to be around and has great parents, maybe we need more girls in our sport.

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
You couldn't pay me to do it again though!

I bet they didn't pay you the first time, either. :p ;)

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
I bet they didn't pay you the first time, either. :p ;)

Right you are!!:p

[LogieJoeBean001]

Originally posted by DaHop72
....., maybe we need more girls in our sport...

Yep, indeed! Let the women show ya how it's done!

....lol, but we could, ya know!

[exbccards76'smom]

Originally posted by chaingang
And still lost to WO-S.:D I know, I know, Im just picking.

What year was that playoff year, I cant remember.

We didn't play ya'll that year. the year was 2000.

[LogieJoeBean001]

I think kids need to learn how to be good losers in order to be better winners. There should be a certain humbleness that goes along with being a winner...a lesson which is perhaps best learned by having to deal with defeat first, then not forgetting what has been learned when victorious. These lessons need the guidance of level-headed and conscientious adults. It is our responsibility as adults to teach our children these lessons which will follow our children long after they have left the playing field. There are many times that life is just simply not fair and the sooner kids learn this, then perhaps life's little disappointments will be just a little easier to handle for them. Losing can build character and integrity, if handle in the proper manner, which in turn, makes winning much more precious in the eyes of the victor.

Perhaps...just perhaps...just this one person's perspective...and idealy speaking, of course

[LHMom]

WINNING IS FUN! LOSING STINKS.
Our kids in LH have been fortunate to win more than lose over the last several years. There are lessons to be learned from both. Winning teaches them that the many hours of hard work and dedication pay off. Losing teaches them some darn important lessons in life. It can be that you didn't prepare. It can be that mistakes can hurt you... It can be that someone out there is just more skilled than you are. And it can be that life is not always fair.

I'm confident that my boys have always known that we are proud of them, not because they are winning, but because they work hard, they give it their all, and we love them unconditionally.

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by LHMom
WINNING IS FUN! LOSING STINKS.
Our kids in LH have been fortunate to win more than lose over the last several years. There are lessons to be learned from both. Winning teaches them that the many hours of hard work and dedication pay off. Losing teaches them some darn important lessons in life. It can be that you didn't prepare. It can be that mistakes can hurt you... It can be that someone out there is just more skilled than you are. And it can be that life is not always fair.

I'm confident that my boys have always known that we are proud of them, not because they are winning, but because they work hard, they give it their all, and we love them unconditionally.

The last sentence of your post says it "all" LHMom. Would that more parents understood this importance and practiced it.