CHS_CG
09-12-2005, 01:49 PM
this is just too funny i HAD to share it!
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine
cabinet.
I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold
wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your
leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard
can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough
that I can figure it out.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and
heat it to 1000 degrees.
Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK
so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair
removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair
and smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak back
into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my
panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply
the was strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half
of my hoo hoo and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it
was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.
RRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I
notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. S&%T!!! Another
deep breath and RRIIPP!!!
Everything is swirly and spotted. OK, back to normal. I want to see my
trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much
pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over
body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair.
WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake. Remember my foot is still propped up on
the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! Hoo hoo??? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk
around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself.
Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off. Hot water!!
Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water
is slightly hotter than then that used to torture prisoners of war or
sterilize surgical equipment. I sit. The only thing worse that having your
nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way,
doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that
convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend
thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me
undone. It's a very good conversation starter: "So, my butt and who-ha are
stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a
secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located on bottom. "Are we talking cheeks or what?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I
should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with
a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has
taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still
talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at
this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the
kids and scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she
hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE--ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved
it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine
cabinet.
I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold
wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your
leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard
can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough
that I can figure it out.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and
heat it to 1000 degrees.
Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK
so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair
removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair
and smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak back
into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my
panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply
the was strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half
of my hoo hoo and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it
was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.
RRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I
notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. S&%T!!! Another
deep breath and RRIIPP!!!
Everything is swirly and spotted. OK, back to normal. I want to see my
trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much
pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over
body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair.
WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake. Remember my foot is still propped up on
the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DAMN!!!!!!!! Hoo hoo??? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk
around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself.
Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off. Hot water!!
Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I
can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get in the tub - the water
is slightly hotter than then that used to torture prisoners of war or
sterilize surgical equipment. I sit. The only thing worse that having your
nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way,
doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that
convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend
thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me
undone. It's a very good conversation starter: "So, my butt and who-ha are
stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a
secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located on bottom. "Are we talking cheeks or what?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I
should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with
a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has
taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still
talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion
they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at
this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the
kids and scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she
hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE--ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved
it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.