shellman54
08-22-2005, 10:10 AM
>>Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high
>>school diploma to fix one.
>>Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
>>After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
>>sheet," which tells mechanics about
>>problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,
>>document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
>>gripe sheets
>>before the next flight.
>>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
>>Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas'
>>
>>pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an
>>S) by
>>maintenance engineers.
>>
>>By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>>accident.
>>
>>
>>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>
>>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>>
>>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>
>>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>>
>>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>
>>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>
>>
>>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>
>>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>>
>>P: Autopi lot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>>descent.
>>
>>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>>
>>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>
>>S: Evidence removed.
>>
>>
>>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>
>>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>>
>>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>
>>S: That's what they're for.
>>
>>
>>P: IFF inoperative.
>>
>>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>>
>>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>
>>S: Suspect you're right.
>>
>>
>>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>
>>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>>
>>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>>
>>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>>
>>
>>P: Target radar hums.
>>
>>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>>
>>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>>
>>S: Cat installed.
>>
>>
>>And the best one for last..................
>>
>>
>>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>>pounding on
>>something with a hammer.
>>
>>S: Took hammer away from midget
>>school diploma to fix one.
>>Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
>>After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
>>sheet," which tells mechanics about
>>problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,
>>document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
>>gripe sheets
>>before the next flight.
>>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
>>Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas'
>>
>>pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an
>>S) by
>>maintenance engineers.
>>
>>By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>>accident.
>>
>>
>>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>
>>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>>
>>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>
>>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>>
>>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>
>>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>
>>
>>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>
>>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>>
>>P: Autopi lot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>>descent.
>>
>>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>>
>>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>
>>S: Evidence removed.
>>
>>
>>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>
>>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>>
>>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>
>>S: That's what they're for.
>>
>>
>>P: IFF inoperative.
>>
>>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>>
>>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>
>>S: Suspect you're right.
>>
>>
>>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>
>>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>>
>>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>>
>>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>>
>>
>>P: Target radar hums.
>>
>>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>>
>>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>>
>>S: Cat installed.
>>
>>
>>And the best one for last..................
>>
>>
>>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>>pounding on
>>something with a hammer.
>>
>>S: Took hammer away from midget