AggieJohn
05-08-2005, 06:56 PM
1. Bands. (except the Fightin' Texas Aggie Band of course)
2. Half time with bands
3. Cheerleaders at half time with bands.
4. Ashlee Simpson singing "Pieces of Me" or ah…”Autobiography” during a Blue Angels flyover at half time with bands.
5. All 39 Super Bowls haven't produced as much drama as the last World Series.
6. All 39 Super Bowls haven't produced as many classic games as either pennant playoff did this year.
7. Baseball has a bullpen coach blowing bubble gum with his cap turned around backward while leaning on a fungo bat; football has a defensive coordinator in a satin jacket with a headset and a clipboard.
8. The Redskins have 13 assistant coaches, five equipment managers, three trainers, two assistant GMs but, nobody who could kick an extra point.
9. Football players and coaches don't know how to bait a ref, much less jump up and down and scream in his face. Baseball players know how to argue with umps; baseball managers even kick dirt on them. Earl Weaver steals third base and won't give it back; Tom Landry folds his arms.
10. Big league baseball players chew tobacco. Pro football linemen chew on each other.
11. Before a baseball game, there are two hours of batting practice. Before a football game, there's a two-hour traffic jam.
12. No one has ever actually reached the end of the restroom line at an NFL game.
13. Nine innings means 18 chances at the hot dog line. Two halves mean B.Y.O. or go hungry.
14. Having 162 games a year is 10.125 times as good as having 16.
15. If you miss your favorite NFL team's game, you have to wait a week. In baseball, you wait a day.
16. The best football announcer ever was Howard Cosell.
17. The worst baseball announcer ever was Howard Cosell.
18. All gridirons are identical; football coaches never have to meet to go over the ground rules. But the best baseball parks are unique.
19. All outdoor parks ever built primarily for baseball has been pretty. Every stadium built with football in mind has been ugly (except Kyle Field).
20. The coin flip at the beginning of football games is idiotic. Home teams should always kick off and pick a goal to defend. In baseball, the visitor bats first (courtesy), while the host bats last (for drama). The football visitor should get the first chance to score, while the home team should have the dramatic advantage of receiving the second-half kickoff.
21. Baseball is harder. In the last 25 years, only one player, Vince Coleman, has been cut from the NFL and then become a success in the majors. From Tom Brown in 1963 (Senators to Packers) to Jay Schroeder (Jays to Redskins), baseball flops have become NFL standouts.
22. Face masks. Right away we've got a clue something might be wrong. A guy can go 80 mph on a Harley without a helmet, much less a face mask.
23. Faces are better than helmets. Think of all the players in the NFL (excluding Redskins) whom you'd recognize on the street. Now eliminate the quarterbacks. Not many left, are there? Now think of all the baseball players whose faces you know, just from the last Series.
24. Baseball has one designated hitter. In football, everybody is a designated something. No one plays the whole game anymore. Football worships the specialists. Baseball worships the generalists.
25. Baseball has no penalty for pass interference. (This in itself is almost enough to declare baseball the better game.) In football, offsides is five yards, holding is 10 yards, a personal foul is 15 yards. But interference: maybe 50 yards.
26. No one on earth really knows what pass interference is. Part judgment, part acting, mostly accident.
27. Baseball has no penalties at all. A home run is a home run. You cheer. In football, on a score, you look for flags. If there's one, who's it on? When can we cheer? Football acts can all be repealed. Baseball acts stand forever.
28. Instant replays. Just when we thought there couldn't be anything worse than penalties, we get instant replays of penalties. Talk about a bad joke. Now any play, even one with no flags, can be called back. Even a flag itself can, after five minutes of boring delay, be nullified. NFL time has entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing is real; everything is hypothetical.
29. Football fans tailgate before the big game. No baseball fan would have a picnic in a parking lot.
30. NFL refs are weekend warriors, pulled from other jobs to moonlight; as a group, they're barely competent. That's really why the NFL turned to instant replays. Now, old fogies upstairs can't even get the make-over calls right. Baseball umps work 10 years in the minors and know what they are doing. Replays show how good they are.
31. The baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, N.Y., beside James Fenimore Cooper's Lake Glimmerglass; the football Hall of Fame is in Canton, Ohio, beside the freeway.
32. Baseball means Spring's Here. Football means Winter's Coming.
33. Who’s on First?
34. Without baseball, there'd have been no Fenway Park. Without football, there'd have been no artificial turf.
35. A typical baseball game has nine runs, more than 250 pitches and about 80 completed plays — hits, walks, outs — in 2½ hours. A typical football game has about five touchdowns, a couple of field goals and fewer than 150 plays spread over three hours. Of those plays, perhaps 20 or 25 result in a gain or loss of more than 10 yards. Baseball has more scoring plays, more serious scoring threats and more meaningful action plays.
36. Baseball has no clock. The comeback, from three or more scores behind, is far more common in baseball than football.
37.The majority of players on a football field in any game are lost and unaccountable in the middle of pileups. Confusion hides a multitude of sins. Every baseball player's performance and contribution are measured and recorded in every game.
38. End-zone spikes. Sack dances. Or, in the Cowboys’ case, "holding flag" dances.
39.In baseball, fans catch foul balls. In football, they raise a net so you can't even catch an extra point.
40. Football players, somewhere back in their phylogenic development, learned how to talk like football coaches. "Our goals this week were to contain Dickerson and control the line of scrimmage." Baseball players say things like, "This pitcher's so bad that when he comes in, the grounds crew drags the warning track."
41. The best ever in each sport - Babe Ruth and Jim Brown — each represents egocentric excess. But Ruth never threw a woman out a window.
42. Quarterbacks have to ask the crowd to quiet down. Pitchers never do.
43. Football has two weeks of hype before the Super Bowl. Baseball takes about two days off before the World Series.
44. George Steinbrenner learned his baseball methods as a football coach.
45. You’ll never see a woman in a fur coat at a baseball game.
46. You’ll never see a man in a fur coat at a baseball game.
47. A six-month pennant race. Football has nothing like it.
48. In football, nobody says, "Let's play two!"
49. When a baseball player gets knocked out, he goes to the showers. When a football player gets knocked out, he goes to get X-rayed.
50. Football coaches talk about character, gut checks, intensity and reckless abandon. Tommy Lasorda said, "Managing is like holding a dove in your hand. Squeeze too hard and you kill it; not hard enough and it flies away."
2. Half time with bands
3. Cheerleaders at half time with bands.
4. Ashlee Simpson singing "Pieces of Me" or ah…”Autobiography” during a Blue Angels flyover at half time with bands.
5. All 39 Super Bowls haven't produced as much drama as the last World Series.
6. All 39 Super Bowls haven't produced as many classic games as either pennant playoff did this year.
7. Baseball has a bullpen coach blowing bubble gum with his cap turned around backward while leaning on a fungo bat; football has a defensive coordinator in a satin jacket with a headset and a clipboard.
8. The Redskins have 13 assistant coaches, five equipment managers, three trainers, two assistant GMs but, nobody who could kick an extra point.
9. Football players and coaches don't know how to bait a ref, much less jump up and down and scream in his face. Baseball players know how to argue with umps; baseball managers even kick dirt on them. Earl Weaver steals third base and won't give it back; Tom Landry folds his arms.
10. Big league baseball players chew tobacco. Pro football linemen chew on each other.
11. Before a baseball game, there are two hours of batting practice. Before a football game, there's a two-hour traffic jam.
12. No one has ever actually reached the end of the restroom line at an NFL game.
13. Nine innings means 18 chances at the hot dog line. Two halves mean B.Y.O. or go hungry.
14. Having 162 games a year is 10.125 times as good as having 16.
15. If you miss your favorite NFL team's game, you have to wait a week. In baseball, you wait a day.
16. The best football announcer ever was Howard Cosell.
17. The worst baseball announcer ever was Howard Cosell.
18. All gridirons are identical; football coaches never have to meet to go over the ground rules. But the best baseball parks are unique.
19. All outdoor parks ever built primarily for baseball has been pretty. Every stadium built with football in mind has been ugly (except Kyle Field).
20. The coin flip at the beginning of football games is idiotic. Home teams should always kick off and pick a goal to defend. In baseball, the visitor bats first (courtesy), while the host bats last (for drama). The football visitor should get the first chance to score, while the home team should have the dramatic advantage of receiving the second-half kickoff.
21. Baseball is harder. In the last 25 years, only one player, Vince Coleman, has been cut from the NFL and then become a success in the majors. From Tom Brown in 1963 (Senators to Packers) to Jay Schroeder (Jays to Redskins), baseball flops have become NFL standouts.
22. Face masks. Right away we've got a clue something might be wrong. A guy can go 80 mph on a Harley without a helmet, much less a face mask.
23. Faces are better than helmets. Think of all the players in the NFL (excluding Redskins) whom you'd recognize on the street. Now eliminate the quarterbacks. Not many left, are there? Now think of all the baseball players whose faces you know, just from the last Series.
24. Baseball has one designated hitter. In football, everybody is a designated something. No one plays the whole game anymore. Football worships the specialists. Baseball worships the generalists.
25. Baseball has no penalty for pass interference. (This in itself is almost enough to declare baseball the better game.) In football, offsides is five yards, holding is 10 yards, a personal foul is 15 yards. But interference: maybe 50 yards.
26. No one on earth really knows what pass interference is. Part judgment, part acting, mostly accident.
27. Baseball has no penalties at all. A home run is a home run. You cheer. In football, on a score, you look for flags. If there's one, who's it on? When can we cheer? Football acts can all be repealed. Baseball acts stand forever.
28. Instant replays. Just when we thought there couldn't be anything worse than penalties, we get instant replays of penalties. Talk about a bad joke. Now any play, even one with no flags, can be called back. Even a flag itself can, after five minutes of boring delay, be nullified. NFL time has entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing is real; everything is hypothetical.
29. Football fans tailgate before the big game. No baseball fan would have a picnic in a parking lot.
30. NFL refs are weekend warriors, pulled from other jobs to moonlight; as a group, they're barely competent. That's really why the NFL turned to instant replays. Now, old fogies upstairs can't even get the make-over calls right. Baseball umps work 10 years in the minors and know what they are doing. Replays show how good they are.
31. The baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, N.Y., beside James Fenimore Cooper's Lake Glimmerglass; the football Hall of Fame is in Canton, Ohio, beside the freeway.
32. Baseball means Spring's Here. Football means Winter's Coming.
33. Who’s on First?
34. Without baseball, there'd have been no Fenway Park. Without football, there'd have been no artificial turf.
35. A typical baseball game has nine runs, more than 250 pitches and about 80 completed plays — hits, walks, outs — in 2½ hours. A typical football game has about five touchdowns, a couple of field goals and fewer than 150 plays spread over three hours. Of those plays, perhaps 20 or 25 result in a gain or loss of more than 10 yards. Baseball has more scoring plays, more serious scoring threats and more meaningful action plays.
36. Baseball has no clock. The comeback, from three or more scores behind, is far more common in baseball than football.
37.The majority of players on a football field in any game are lost and unaccountable in the middle of pileups. Confusion hides a multitude of sins. Every baseball player's performance and contribution are measured and recorded in every game.
38. End-zone spikes. Sack dances. Or, in the Cowboys’ case, "holding flag" dances.
39.In baseball, fans catch foul balls. In football, they raise a net so you can't even catch an extra point.
40. Football players, somewhere back in their phylogenic development, learned how to talk like football coaches. "Our goals this week were to contain Dickerson and control the line of scrimmage." Baseball players say things like, "This pitcher's so bad that when he comes in, the grounds crew drags the warning track."
41. The best ever in each sport - Babe Ruth and Jim Brown — each represents egocentric excess. But Ruth never threw a woman out a window.
42. Quarterbacks have to ask the crowd to quiet down. Pitchers never do.
43. Football has two weeks of hype before the Super Bowl. Baseball takes about two days off before the World Series.
44. George Steinbrenner learned his baseball methods as a football coach.
45. You’ll never see a woman in a fur coat at a baseball game.
46. You’ll never see a man in a fur coat at a baseball game.
47. A six-month pennant race. Football has nothing like it.
48. In football, nobody says, "Let's play two!"
49. When a baseball player gets knocked out, he goes to the showers. When a football player gets knocked out, he goes to get X-rayed.
50. Football coaches talk about character, gut checks, intensity and reckless abandon. Tommy Lasorda said, "Managing is like holding a dove in your hand. Squeeze too hard and you kill it; not hard enough and it flies away."