sports jokes

[panther power]

Two dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par-3. They can see the flag, but not the green. The first golfer hits his ball into the fog and the second golfer does the same. They proceed to the green to find their balls. One ball is about 6 feet from the cup while the other found it's way into the cup for a hole-in-one.

Both were playing the same type of balls, Top-Flite 2, and couldn't determine which ball was which. They decide to ask the course pro to decide their fate.

After congratulating both golfers on their fine shots, the golf pro asks, "Which one of you is playing the orange ball?"

[panther power]

Florida State Seminloes Chop Song!
A Tallahassee area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table.

Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its ass. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard, the Florida State Chop song come out the guys butt.

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naivetî`f his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs. "There, look at the cork in the ass of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork. Then the Florida State Chop song started playing.

Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said: "What's so surprising about that. I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song."

[Bandera YaYa]

Now thats FUNNY!!!! :p

[SPF25]

Halarious!:clap: :clap: :clap: :D

[panther power]

Since the Chicago Cubs Last Won a World Series...
Twenty major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last laid claim to a world series championship...

1. Radio was invented; Cubs fans got to hear their team lose.

2. TV was invented; Cubs fans got to see their team lose.

3. Baseball added 14 teams; Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs.

4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.

5. Haley's comet passed Earth twice.

6. Harry Caray was born....and died. Incredible, but true.

7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

8. Man landed on the moon, as have several home runs given up by Cubs pitchers.

9. Sixteen U.S. presidents were elected.

10. There were 11 amendments added to the Constitution.

11. Prohibition was created and repealed.

12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered and became the subject of major motion pictures, the latest giving Cubs fans hope that something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.

13. Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field roof to hold all of the team's future World Series pennants. Those flag poles have since rusted and been taken down.

[panther power]

A college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach
said, "You're such a big guy--why did you marry such a petite woman? She's no
bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman, "but she's much better!"

[TheDOCTORdre]

Originally posted by panther power
A college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach
said, "You're such a big guy--why did you marry such a petite woman? She's no
bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman, "but she's much better!"
now thats classic

[gobbler84]

Every day a Longhorn, a Bear, and an Aggie met on the worlds largest building for lunch.

Every day the Longhorn had a bologna sandwich, the Bear had a chicken sandwich, and the Aggie had a turkey sandwich.

So one day the Longhorn goes: "If I eat another bologna sandwich I'ma jump off this building." The next day he eats one and jumps off. So the next day the Bear goes: "If eat another chicken sandwich Ima jump off this building." So the next day he eats amnother one and jumps off. Then the next day the Aggie goes: "If I eat another turkey sandwich Ima jump off this building." The next day he eats another one and jumps off.

So at their funerels they interviewed there wives. They asked them all the same question. "Why Didn't you make him something else?"

The longhorns wife says: "if i knew he didnt want bologna I would have made him something esle."

The bear's wife says: "If i knew he didnt want chicken I would have made him somthing else."

They get to the aggies wife and she says: "The heck if I know he makes his own lunch!"

HOOK 'EM HORNS

[panther power]

Please don't get me started on the longhorn-aggie debate.......let's be polite....or we can go at it in clean good fun? it's up to u.

[gobbler84]

Lol....That's the only Aggie Joke I Know.

[panther power]

all in good fun.......funny either way.
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three, one to screw it in, one to call it a tradition and the other to lead the yell, "Screw The Hell Outta the Lightbulb!"

How many University of Texas students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four, one to screw it in, one boasts about how great the light bulbs were back when Darrel Royal was there and the other two leave about halfway through.

How many Rice students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to relieve the stress of screwing it in by running naked through campus.

How many TCU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four, one to call Daddy to do it and the other three to find the perfect coordinating J Crew outfits.

How many Texas Tech students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them: One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to try desperately to establish a rivalry with the other Big XII schools in lightbulb screwing.

How many University of Houston students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They don't want the gangs to know they're in there.

How many Baylor students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They haven't received electricity yet in Waco.

How many SMU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to make the martinis and the other to hire someone else to screw the bulb in.

[panther power]

The owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Texas. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied... "Everything but my earrings."

[gobbler84]

What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl?

The Dallas Cowboys


Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by panther power
Please don't get me started on the longhorn-aggie debate.......let's be polite....or we can go at it in clean good fun? it's up to u.

Gobbler84 - you are quite the gentleman..... that is all I have to say......:clap:

[gobbler84]

Mom, Why you say that?

[District303aPastPlayer]

two men, best friends, were playing golf.. .as they approached the 7th tee... they notice that two women in front of them are still on the hole. so they wait back a bit. After a good 20 minute wait, one man looks to the other and wonders why the women haven't waved them to play through. So Bob, the first man tells Jim, the 2nd to go ask the women if they can play through. Bob takes a couple of steps, stops, looks, and turns right around and comes back. Jim asks, "Bob, why didnt you ask if we could play through?"
Bob replies: "I can't go over there, thats my wife and my mistress. You go"
Jim takes a couple of steps, stops, looks and comes right back.
Bob asks, "What happened?"
Jim says, "Small world, thats my wife and mistress too"