3A DownLow Battle of the Sexes

[jason]

how bad can you make the opposite sex look ???

try to refrain from personal attacks lol



boys rule and girls drool


From the new york times web site

Police: Woman Tried to Pass Fake $1M Bill
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: March 10, 2004


Filed at 10:02 a.m. ET

COVINGTON, Ga. (AP) -- A Woman was caught trying to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at a Wal-Mart, and was later found with two more of the bills in her purse, police said.

The United States Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but people can buy souvenirs of such a bill at some stores, police said.

``It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this,'' Covington Police Chief Stacey Cotton said Tuesday. ``People do crazy things all the time. I think it's just another example of some odd things that occur.''

A clerk at the store immediately noticed the bill was fake when 35-year-old Alice Regina Pike handed it to her on Friday, Cotton said.

Pike then tried to use two gift cards with only $2.32 of value on them to buy the merchandise, but when that didn't work she again asked if the clerk could cash the $1 million bill, Cotton said. The store then called police.

Pike, of Porterdale, was charged with forgery. There was no listing for her phone number in directory assistance, and she could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

Covington is 32 miles southeast of Atlanta.

http://img197.exs.cx/img197/2678/uglydress2gg.jpg

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by jason


http://img197.exs.cx/img197/2678/uglydress2gg.jpg

Most of the guys on here will find this woman irresistable.

[HighSchool Fan]

is that another pic of one of G2's girlfriends

[jason]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Most of the guys on here will find this woman irresistable. i would be ashamed if a guy ever went out in public like that...she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down......

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Most of the guys on here will find this woman irresistable.

From the shoulders up....she looks like Terrell Owens!:eek:

[jason]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
is that another pic of one of G2's girlfriends no this is his other one

http://img186.exs.cx/img186/6656/uglydress25pm.jpg

[Jet1]

Woman hospitalised by tiger painting

A Chinese pensioner had to be taken to hospital after she mistook a painting of a tiger for the real thing.

The woman, in her 70s, spotted the 'tiger' in a dark alleyway after shopping at a nearby supermarket.

According to Shanghai Evening Post, she screamed, turned and ran after seeing a 'tiger' coming at her.

But the woman, who the paper named as Mrs Wang, slipped on ice and fell heavily.

Passersby rushed to Mrs Wang's aid to find her nervously stammering: "Tiger, tiger, there's a tiger" and pointing down the alleyway.

But the tiger turned out to be a painting hung in a calligraphy and painting shop window.

To draw business, the shop owner had put a light behind the paint to create a lifelike impression.

[AP Panther Fan]

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How does a man show tha he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

[Bullaholic]

Yet another of G2's harem...


http://www.pcpros-tx.com/uglywoman2.jpg

[jason]

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men throw things at cats.

-------------------------------------------------

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

-------------------------------------------------

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

-------------------------------------------------

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

[gobbler grad]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Yet another of G2's harem...


http://www.pcpros-tx.com/uglywoman2.jpg

i hope she has a good dental plan...:inlove:

[AP Panther Fan]

A true story out of San Francisco:

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light
in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

[AP Panther Fan]

Yet another smart guy........

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he
refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over,
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the
bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.




ok AP Panther Fan - I now have tea sprayed all over the front of my computer screen.............. Thanks for the belly laugh

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
ok AP Panther Fan - I now have tea sprayed all over the front of my computer screen.............. Thanks for the belly laugh

Your welcome!:D

Don't take a drink because here are a few more intelligent examples of the male species.

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
arrested.

-------------------

Oklahoma City

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store
in a district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district
attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending
himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber.
Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of
blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly
added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes
to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.


-----------------


A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

[Bullaholic]

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

[spiveyrat]

Originally posted by jason
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men throw things at cats.


OR, they throw the cat! :D

[AP Panther Fan]

Cheap Boyfriend

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

[AP Panther Fan]

The difference between men and women:
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells: "PIG"!!

The man immediately leans out his window and replies with "B-----!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.:rolleyes: :D :D

[Bullaholic]

There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp.
The genie came out and said," Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said,

"Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.

"Genie,I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie says,"You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says," Yeah,yeah.I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says "

I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!"

[Ranger Mom]

The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone,
with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER.

Later the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone,
on which the inscription read : HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST.

[AP Panther Fan]

Dumb Jock

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Dumb Jock

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
ouch

[Ranger Mom]

I think as a reminder...we all need to listen to this little song just ONE MORE TIME!

The MAN Song (http://www.gotlaughs.com/humor/mansong2.swf)

[AP Panther Fan]

And for the basketball fans:

"He's great on the court," a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in a interview with his coach. "But's how's his scholastic work?" "Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach. "Wonderful!" said the sportswriter. "Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I think as a reminder...we all need to listen to this little song just ONE MORE TIME!

The MAN Song (http://www.gotlaughs.com/humor/mansong2.swf)

Ranger Mom...that was really funny. Glad you posted it since I must have missed it the first time!:D

Notice how Jason started this thread and then bailed out on his buddies...:D

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I think as a reminder...we all need to listen to this little song just ONE MORE TIME!

The MAN Song (http://www.gotlaughs.com/humor/mansong2.swf)

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
I think as a reminder...we all need to listen to this little song just ONE MORE TIME!

The MAN Song (http://www.gotlaughs.com/humor/mansong2.swf)

:clap: :clap: :clap: He's the MAN :)

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan

Notice how Jason started this thread and then bailed out on his buddies...:D

That's a "man" for you....they are so darn predictable!!:rolleyes:

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan

Notice how Jason started this thread and then bailed out on his buddies...:D haha, i didnt bail, i had a basketball game...im back though...

.....down with the women.......

[jason]

geez, all this arguing between the sexes...i wish we could go back to a simpler time...

...a time when loading the dishwashwer meant getting your wife drunk...

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by jason
geez, all this arguing between the sexes...i wish we could go back to a simpler time...

...a time when loading the dishwashwer meant getting your wife drunk...

You bet, jason....and a man could give his wife sincere, honest compliments like---"You know hon, you don't sweat much for a large woman." Gone are the days.

[pirate44]

http://img158.exs.cx/img158/5418/gross1nb.jpg

[AP Panther Fan]

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

[pirate44]

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love' and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don't have time for nonsense..."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg..."

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

[AP Panther Fan]

The following is a comprehensive federal study, approved by the Attorney General:
Everything Men Know About Women










End of Report
U.S. Attorney General's Office

[pirate44]

Female Training Seminars

1. Elementary Map Reading

2. Crying and Law Enforcement

3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR

4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours

5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast

6. The Seven-Outfit Week

7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"

8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions

9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights

10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed

11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water

12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament

13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You"

14. How to Earn Your Own Money

15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"

16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side

17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry

18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station

19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels

20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy

21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too

22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out

23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock"

24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"

25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House

26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

pirate44, your killing me!!!:D

[pirate44]

Results From The World Women's Conference

At the 2002 World Women's conference, the first speaker from Canada, stood up "At last years conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband I would no longer cook for him, and that he would have to do it himself. Afer the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb".

The crowd stood up, applauded and cheered.

The second speaker, from France, stood up
"After last years conference I went straight home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that not only had he done his own, but my washing as well".

Once again the audience rose to their feet, applauded and cheered.

The third speaker, from Scotland stood up "After last year's conference ah went home and tolt ma man that I widnae doo his cookin, cleanin or shoppin, and he wid hiftae doo it himsell. After the first day I saw nothin, after the second day I saw nothin, but after the third day, I could see a wee bit oota ma left eye"

[jason]

What do you tell a chick with 2 black eyes??

nothing, you already told her twice..

:D :D :D

disclaimer: chuckle chuckle yall.....

[AP Panther Fan]

Very Sick Husband

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.

"What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Very Sick Husband

"You're going to die," she replied.

:D ;)

[pirate44]

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this."

[Ranger Mom]

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It's our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature. And hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.

[pirate44]

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

[CHS_Grad '85]

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You do not have to let your wife bully you", the Doc said. "Go home and show her you are the boss".

Husband took the advise very seriously. He went home slammed the door. He shook his fist in his wife's face and said, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and get my clothes ready. Tonight I'm going out with the boys. You're going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, do you know who is going to tie my bow-tie?".

"I certainly do", screamed the wife, "the undertaker".

[AP Panther Fan]

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

[pirate44]

ok, this is my last one. i dont have the energy anymore

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A: A women who won't do what she's told.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."



:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Bullaholic]

What do you call a woman without any brains?

A widow.

[CHS_Grad '85]

If at first you don't succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to...

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by pirate44
ok, this is my last one. i dont have the energy anymore



HA!! Giving up are you??

Typical!!:rolleyes:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate44
i dont have the energy anymore

Me either.....but you said "UNCLE" first!:p :D :D :D

[CHS_Grad '85]

Man --- I was just getting started... :D

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
HA!! Giving up are you??

Typical!!:rolleyes:


Yea RM, some of the younger bucks have not learned all of the "evasive" manuvers yet because they haven't been "shot" at enough yet.:D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by pirate44
ok, this is my last one. i dont have the energy anymore



Men = no longevity!:D

[CHS_Grad '85]

"Computer = Woman. Man uses and dominates computer. Therefore, man uses and dominates woman."
(Virginia Eubanks)

As Ms. Eubanks stated in her paper Paradigms and Perversions: A Women's Place in Cyberspace, the comparison of computers equal women effects how men and women relate online with each other. This statement makes the Internet just another high-tech place giving men the opportunity to harass women.

[jason]

How many women does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.

Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

How do you know when a women's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract.

What do you call a woman who has lost her mind?
A widow.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!

[X21AAAPlayer]

Why does a woman wear white on her wedding day? So the dish washer will match the fridge and the stove:)

[jason]

Originally posted by X21AAAPlayer
Why does a woman wear white on her wedding day? So the dish washer will match the fridge and the stove:) :clap: :clap: :clap:

[BHKrystal06]

Girls are smarter that guys....so ya'll just get over it!! :D ;) :p

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

Originally posted by BHKrystal06
Girls are smarter that guys....so ya'll just get over it!! :D ;) :p wow, nice come back. i think we should all just stop, the battle has been decided. all bow down before Krystal!!!!:D j/j

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by bullfrog_alumni_02
wow, nice come back. i think we should all just stop, the battle has been decided. all bow down before Krystal!!!!:D j/j
Heck yea, that's right! Bow before me! :cool:

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

as jason stated in the first post, men rule and wemon drool.

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by bullfrog_alumni_02
as jason stated in the first post, men rule and wemon drool.
jason knows i own him

[TheDOCTORdre]

Originally posted by BHKrystal06
Girls are smarter that guys....so ya'll just get over it!! :D ;) :p
We have pictures of Jason getting the T-shirt to the post office, jason's a guy and you're a girl...whos smarter:D

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

Originally posted by TheDOCTORdre
We have pictures of Jason getting the T-shirt to the post office, jason's a guy and you're a girl...whos smarter:D that was a low blow dre. im glad you brought up this very valid point!!

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by TheDOCTORdre
We have pictures of Jason getting the T-shirt to the post office, jason's a guy and you're a girl...whos smarter:D
Wow...I thought that was over with...guess there's some idiots still on here that haven't forgotten about it...:rolleyes:

[LH Panther Mom]

The Inheritance

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles, and in four days she became his stepmother.

Men will never learn.

(Yes, HSF....I owe you one. ;) )

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

HSF, YOU TRAITOR!!!!!!!

[TheDOCTORdre]

Originally posted by BHKrystal06
Wow...I thought that was over with...guess there's some idiots still on here that haven't forgotten about it...:rolleyes:
All is fair in love and WAR

[jason]

Originally posted by TheDOCTORdre
We have pictures of Jason getting the T-shirt to the post office, jason's a guy and you're a girl...whos smarter:D lol...mean but funny....

:kiss:

[BHKrystal06]

i can't believe you're siding with him jason

[jason]

Originally posted by BHKrystal06
i can't believe you're siding with him jason its a guy thing.....:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by jason
its a guy thing.....:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
must be

[jason]

Ten Things Women Will Never Say

10. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately.
I don't blame you for ignoring me.

9. The new girl in my office is a stripper.
I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

8. While you were in the bathroom,
they went for it on fourth down and missed.
If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

7. Bar food again?? Kick ass!!

6. I liked that wedding even more than ours.
Your ex-girlfriend has class.

5. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends. Tell me more.

4. Let's just leave the toilet seat up all the time;
then you won't have to mess with it anymore.

3. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

2. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle,
I don't think I'll ever change it again.

And the number one thing

1. I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.
You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by jason
Ten Things Women Will Never Say

8. While you were in the bathroom,
they went for it on fourth down and missed.
If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.



That is EXACTLY what happens at my house. :D

[jason]

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want
to shoot it.

Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to
the sink

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my
wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.

[X21AAAPlayer]

:D :clap:

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by bullfrog_alumni_02
as jason stated in the first post, men rule and wemon drool.

What is a "wemon"??:D

Oh, and by the way, you guys are starting to repeat your "one-liners", running out of material aleady??:p

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
What is a "wemon"??:D

Oh, and by the way, you guys are starting to repeat your "one-liners", running out of material aleady??:p

They're also switching the ones the ladies have used to suit their purposes. :D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
They're also switching the ones the ladies have used to suit their purposes. :D

Well isn't that just typical of them??

[Bullaholic]

List of the world's women billionaires:


1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
List of the world's women billionaires:


1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

They are secure enough not to have to annouce it and have it put in every magazine out there!!

[LH Panther Mom]

A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked, "Did it help?"

Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

[jason]

http://img188.exs.cx/img188/6671/girltheorum7ym.jpg

[Chief Woodman]

The guide for women
A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:

I'M HUNGRY.
I'm hungry.

I'M SLEEPY.
I'm sleepy.

I'M TIRED.
I'm tired.

I'VE GOTTA GO.
Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.

WHAT'S WRONG?
I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.

WHAT'S WRONG?
What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
I liked it better before.

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
$50 and it doesn't look that much different!

YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!

WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks

[Chief Woodman]

Computers are female
Reasons computers must be female


They have a lot of data but are still clueless.


A better model is always just around the corner.


They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.


It is always necessary to have a backup.


They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.


The best part of having either one is the games you can play.


The lights are on but nobody's home.




But here are The top six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as

"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

[Chief Woodman]

The guide to women
A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too. (this is a control issue)

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
I am not the center of the universe, and it makes me mad.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait so when you ask what is taking so long I can nag.

[Chief Woodman]

Last one for now....

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"

[HighSchool Fan]

If women ruled the world


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image001.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image002.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image003.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image004.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image005.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image006.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image007.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image008.jpg

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
If women ruled the world


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v255/RangerMom1/image008.jpg

You got it! :D That's my personal favorite, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with the rest of them. :p

[Bullaholic]

Oh great.....my wife just came in and saw I was reviewing this thread, and now she's making me listen to "He Thinks He'll Keep Her" by Mary Chapin Carpenter instead of "Dancin' In the Moonlight" ,"One Toke Over the Line", and "Afternoon Delight" like I was listening to yesterday.....thanks a bunch girls. :mad:

[LH Panther Mom]

He Thinks He'll Keep HerMary Chapin Carpenter/Don Schlitz

She makes his coffee, she makes his bed
She does the laundry, she keeps him fed
When she was twenty-one she wore her mother's lace
She said forever with a smile upon her face
She does the carpool, she PTA's
Doctors and dentists, she drives all day
When she was twenty-nine she delivered number three
And every christmas card showed a perfect family

Everything runs right on time, years of practice and design
Spit and polish till it shines, he thinks he'll keep her
Everything is so benign, safest place you'll ever find
God forbid you'd change your mind, he thinks he'll keep her

She packs his suitcase, she sits and waits
With no expression upon her face
When she was thirty-six she met him at the door
She said, "I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore"

[CHORUS]

For fifteen years she had a job and not one raise in pay
Now she's in the typing pool at minimum wage

Everything runs right on time, years of practice and design
Spit and polish till it shines, he thinks he'll keep her
Everything is so benign, safest place you'll ever find
At least until you change your mind, he thinks he'll keep her

[Bullaholic]

Now that's adding insult to injury, LHPMom! :mad:

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Now that's adding insult to injury, LHPMom! :mad:

I thought you might want to sing along. :p

http://www.websmileys.com/sm/music/musik30.gif

[Bullaholic]

She finally left. Now I can get back to some "good" music. I've certainly got to hand it to ol' 66', LHPMom. His 6000+ posts have made him wiley enough to know better than to toss a "fox" in the "henhouse" and then be dumb enough to stick around to watch.:D

[LH Panther Mom]

Molly Malone

In Dublins fair city the girls are so pretty
It was there that I first met sweet Molly Malone
She drove her wheel barrel through streets wide and narrow
Crying cockels and mussels alive, alive ahoe
She was a fish monger and fate it is no wonder
Her mother and father were fish mongers too
The drove their wheel barrel through streets wide and narrow
Crying cockels and mussels alive, alive ahoe
She died of a fever and no one could save her
And that's all I know of sweet Molly Malone
Now her ghost drives her barrel through streets wide and narrow
Crying cockels and mussels alive, alive ohhhh
Alive, alive ohoe. Alive, alive ohoe
Crying cockels and mussels alive, alive oh

[44INAROW]

LOL LOL This thread has provided me with so much entertainment :clap: :clap:

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
LOL LOL This thread has provided me with so much entertainment :clap: :clap:

;) Hope you like it.

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with

(scroll down)




















A Misdewiener!


OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody.

[44INAROW]

Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:
"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:
"So she would love you."


How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.



What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says....":kiss: :kiss: :kiss:

[Old Green]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
;) Hope you like it.

In a recent Channel 4 news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with

(scroll down)




















A Misdewiener!


OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody. :eek: :hairpunk: :doh:

[sinton66]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
She finally left. Now I can get back to some "good" music. I've certainly got to hand it to ol' 66', LHPMom. His 6000+ posts have made him wiley enough to know better than to toss a "fox" in the "henhouse" and then be dumb enough to stick around to watch.:D

Heh, heh, my momma didn't raise no fool.:D

[TOPS1435]

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.


AP Panther fan, you're the greatest! I do not know where you came up with those, but you had me cackling like a hen on an nest! Loved the whole list, but never say the above before.

[jason]

Originally posted by TOPS1435
AP Panther fan, you're the greatest! I do not know where you came up with those she didnt, she had to copy them....you know women arent smart enough to come up with their own material :D :D

:kiss:

[LH Panther Mom]

Food Spoilage Tests For Bachelors

THE GAG TEST:
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

DAIRY PRODUCTS:
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

EXPIRATION DATES:
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

UNMARKED ITEMS:
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.

[Bullaholic]

Just to re-assure all you ladies that chivalry is not dead, you are still protected by men like "Knight AT the Round Table":


http://www.pcpros-tx.com/fatknight.jpg

[pirate44]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
"Knight AT the Round Table":


http://www.pcpros-tx.com/fatknight.jpg
Im guessing "buffet" table

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate44
Im guessing "buffet" table

LOL :rolleyes: Look at all of that awful jewelry he is wearing!

Here's one for the "big" guys........

I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking that he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I commented, "I don't think that is going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way that I can see the numbers."

[AP Panther Fan]

If Men TRULY Ran the World

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a, "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words: "Ally McNaked."

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off."

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

4. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

19. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

21. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

23. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

24. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
If Men TRULY Ran the World

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a, "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."

9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words: "Ally McNaked."

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off."

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

4. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

18. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"

19. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

20. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

21. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

22. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

23. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

24. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
more proof of why men are smarter than women:D

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by pirate44
more proof of why men are smarter than women:D

Maybe I shouldn't admit this....but those were hilarious!!:p

[Ranger Mom]

He said... Want a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is."

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate44
more proof of why men are smarter than women:D

Pirate44, you KNOW you can relate to every single one of those things on the list!:D

I bet you would especially like #23.:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

[pirate44]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
He said... Want a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.
i was waiting for an "official" of the dlow to set precedence. now i can offer my bit of risque humor:

men are a lot like floor tiles. you lay 'em right the first time, and you can walk all over 'em the rest of your life.

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Pirate44, you KNOW you can relate to every single one of those things on the list!:D

I bet you would especially like #23.:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh
yabba dabba dooooo!!!!:D

[jason]

Originally posted by pirate44


men are a lot like floor tiles. you lay 'em right the first time, and you can walk all over 'em the rest of your life. geez, i think thats the first thing in this thread that actually has some truth to it... :doh:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by jason
geez, i think thats the first thing in this thread that actually has some truth to it... :doh:

:nerd: :nerd: :nerd: :doh: :doh: :doh:

And you guys are admitting it! Incredible!:p

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
:nerd: :nerd: :nerd: :doh: :doh: :doh:

And you guys are admitting it! Incredible!:p
we're funny that way:doh:

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
:nerd: :nerd: :nerd: :doh: :doh: :doh:

And you guys are admitting it! Incredible!:p well, if all girls would 'lay us right the first time' we would agree with a lot more a lot more often lol.... :D

[AP Panther Fan]

yah, I guess if the shoe fits....:D :evillaugh :wave:

You guys are so predictable!:rolleyes:

[Sintonfbplayer04]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/longestpic.html

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Sintonfbplayer04
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/family.html
Don't know why i put this in here?

Well, it was a typical "guy" kinda thing to do.:rolleyes:

[LH Panther Mom]

The One-Wish Genie - Ladies Version

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and 'low-and-behold' a genie appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ... a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "O.K., you win . . . Let me see that map again."

[AP Panther Fan]

Good one LHPM!:D

Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much," a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[LH Panther Mom]

One more, before lunch is over. ;)

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, $5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

[Ranger Mom]

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
:D

[pirate44]

when ya get down to it though, this thread is moot. Men own and run about everything. good or bad, it's check mate.

[HighSchool Fan]

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[pirate44]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Amen brother!!

[Ranger Mom]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

But, think how bored yall would be without us!!:D

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by jason
well, if all girls would 'lay us right the first time' we would agree with a lot more a lot more often lol.... :D
:rolleyes: :doh:

[bullfrog_alumni_02]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
But, think how bored yall would be without us!!:D a little bored maybe, but peaceful none the less.

[LH Panther Mom]

Men Are Like...

Men are like...Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
*
Men are like...Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
*
Men are like...Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
*
Men are like...Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
*
Men are like...Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
*
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
*
Men are like...Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
*
Men are like...High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
*
Men are like...Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
*
Men are like...Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
*
Men are like...Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
*
Men are like...Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
*
Men are like...Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
*
Men are like...Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

[HighSchool Fan]

A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could get very far he heard sirens. He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but then he came to his senses and pulled over.

The cop walked over and asked for the man's license and registration. Then the cop said, "Listen Mac, it's Friday, I'm tired, and I just want to go home, so if you can give me an excuse I haven't heard before, I'll let you go."

The man thought for a minute, then replied, "My wife ran off with a cop the other day, and I thought you were trying to give her back to me."

The cop nodded and said, "Have a nice day."

[marlin fan]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could get very far he heard sirens. He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but then he came to his senses and pulled over.

The cop walked over and asked for the man's license and registration. Then the cop said, "Listen Mac, it's Friday, I'm tired, and I just want to go home, so if you can give me an excuse I haven't heard before, I'll let you go."

The man thought for a minute, then replied, "My wife ran off with a cop the other day, and I thought you were trying to give her back to me."

The cop nodded and said, "Have a nice day." ROFL good one hsf!!!!

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by marlin fan
ROFL good one hsf!!!!

:tongue:

[AP Panther Fan]

Awwww, I loved this thread. Had fun re-reading it!:D

The ladies of the downlow most definitely won the battle!:thumbsup:

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Awwww, I loved this thread. Had fun re-reading it!:D

The ladies of the downlow most definitely won the battle!:thumbsup:
finally some controversy:rolleyes: :tongue:


;) bring it on!!

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan

The ladies of the downlow most definitely won the battle!:thumbsup: ha, you wish lady....:D

[pirate44]

was in Gruene over the weekend and saw a funny t-shirt (biker t-shirt). on the back was printed:

"if you can read this, the b*tch fell off"

[AP Panther Fan]

There's these three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says: "OK, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q."

"The mermaid says: "Done." Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.

The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid: "Triple my I.Q."

The mermaid says: "Done." The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he says to the mermaid: "Quintuple my I.Q."

The mermaid looks at him and says: "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider. "

The guy says: "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

"Please," says the mermaid "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the universe...won't you ask for something else... a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power.

So the mermaid sighed and said: "Done!"

And he became a woman.

[pirate44]

A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife," answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaimed his friend, "Good trade."

[AP Panther Fan]

grrrrrrr...............


http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/pictures/whatwomenwant.jpg

[AP Panther Fan]

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Husband knows *#*#*#* everything.


:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Husband knows *#*#*#* everything.


:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh
thats why spf25 got rid of our internet service when we got married. i took it as a compliment:thinking:

[HighSchool Fan]

A Day at the Zoo
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

[pirate44]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
A Day at the Zoo
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
:eek:

[jason]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
A Day at the Zoo
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache." HAHAHA...everybody in class just turned and looked at me funny LOL :clap: :clap: :clap: that was great

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by jason
HAHAHA...everybody in class just turned and looked at me funny LOL :clap: :clap: :clap: that was great

:p :D :D :D

[AP Panther Fan]

I think Ranger Mom might have posted this before, but here it is.....

just a reminder......

The Man Song (http://www.pwwhite.com/mansong.swf)

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by jason
HAHAHA...everybody in class just turned and looked at me funny LOL :clap: :clap: :clap: that was great

You should be used to that by now. :D

[Phil C]

What annoys me is that there should be more interest and support in women's soccer, basketball, softball, volleyball and track! :mad:

[District303aPastPlayer]

Originally posted by Phil C
What annoys me is that there should be more interest and support in women's soccer, basketball, softball, volleyball and track! :mad:

in fairness... their total gates for the entire year total just the football season. i believe...

[AP Panther Fan]

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."

The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."

"My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."

I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."

Sorry Phil C........

http://img116.echo.cx/img116/5416/polkadotgirl8co.jpg

[LH Panther Mom]

We got off the Titanic first.
*
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
*
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
*
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
*
Taxis stop for us.
*
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
*
Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point.)
*
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
*
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
*
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
*
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
*
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
*
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
*
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
*
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
*
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
*
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
*
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.

[HighSchool Fan]

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

[HighSchool Fan]

Women Are Like

...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.

...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

[jason]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

Pregnant. dont talk about HER like that ;) :p :inlove: :kiss:

[rockdale80]

Everyday when Tom would get home from work he would announce his arrival to his wife and retire to his recliner. Upon his arrival his wife would bring him the newspaper and a beer. While Tom read the paper the wife would sit until he finished then hand him the remote and retire to the kitchen to finish up dinner.

One day Tom comes home and says, "Hi, honey! I'm home."
He hits the recliner and waits for the paper and beer. When his wife does not appear he trudges to the kitchen and asks, "Where is my paper and beer."

"Well I have been going to these women's rights meetings and the women there do not think I should have to bring you a beer and paper everyday when you get home from work," replies the wife.

So Tom decides this is a task he can most likely conquer on his own, since he is a grown man. With beer and paper in hand he retires to the recliner to catch up on the day. After finishing he waits on the remote, and after a few minutes the remote never comes.

"Where is MY remote?" He asks his wife becoming somewhat aggrevated.

"Well those women don't belive I should have bring you the remote everyday either," replies the wife.

After some aggrevation he sorts around until he finds the remote and sits back down to watch television at some length until he realizes he is hungry.

"What is for dinner?" Asks the Tom

"Well the women at those meetings belive that the housework should be shared, and I cooked last night and every night before that. So WE think it is your turn to cook for a change!" The wife says smugly.


"Well I have a question for you then. What would these women think if you didn't see me for a few days?" Says Tom.

"Well I am not sure what they would think," Says the wife.



So the first day goes by...


Followed by the second...

And then the third day goes by and she still does not see her husband Tom....


But on the fourth day she could see him a little bit out of her right eye....

[AP Panther Fan]

Mood Ring

My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I'm in a good mood it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big #*#* red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

http://img109.echo.cx/img109/1124/rngeternal4eb.jpg

[rockdale80]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Mood Ring

My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I'm in a good mood it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big #*#* red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

http://img109.echo.cx/img109/1124/rngeternal4eb.jpg

proof that women like shiny objects......:thinking:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by rockdale80
proof that women like shiny objects......:thinking:


True...I went to great lengths to find a picture of one that I would want....:D

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by rockdale80
Everyday when Tom would get home from work he would announce his arrival to his wife and retire to his recliner. Upon his arrival his wife would bring him the newspaper and a beer. While Tom read the paper the wife would sit until he finished then hand him the remote and retire to the kitchen to finish up dinner.

One day Tom comes home and says, "Hi, honey! I'm home."
He hits the recliner and waits for the paper and beer. When his wife does not appear he trudges to the kitchen and asks, "Where is my paper and beer."

"Well I have been going to these women's rights meetings and the women there do not think I should have to bring you a beer and paper everyday when you get home from work," replies the wife.

So Tom decides this is a task he can most likely conquer on his own, since he is a grown man. With beer and paper in hand he retires to the recliner to catch up on the day. After finishing he waits on the remote, and after a few minutes the remote never comes.

"Where is MY remote?" He asks his wife becoming somewhat aggrevated.

"Well those women don't belive I should have bring you the remote everyday either," replies the wife.

After some aggrevation he sorts around until he finds the remote and sits back down to watch television at some length until he realizes he is hungry.

"What is for dinner?" Asks the Tom

"Well the women at those meetings belive that the housework should be shared, and I cooked last night and every night before that. So WE think it is your turn to cook for a change!" The wife says smugly.


"Well I have a question for you then. What would these women think if you didn't see me for a few days?" Says Tom.

"Well I am not sure what they would think," Says the wife.



So the first day goes by...


Followed by the second...

And then the third day goes by and she still does not see her husband Tom....


But on the fourth day she could see him a little bit out of her right eye....

i'm sorry RD80 but i just don't get it...mom-a lil help here!!!

[mustang04]

no matter what is said or anything.....the bottom line is...........GIRLs have COOTIES:devil:

BUT....needless to say ive developed an immunity to cooties so i love girls!:D :kiss: i mean guys really, if there were no girls...imagine the world, yeah things would run better and smoother and the food would be cooked how u like, but where would ya get "desert"????

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by mustang04
no matter what is said or anything.....the bottom line is...........GIRLs have COOTIES:devil:

BUT....needless to say ive developed an immunity to cooties so i love girls!:D :kiss: i mean guys really, if there were no girls...imagine the world, yeah things would run better and smoother and the food would be cooked how u like, but where would ya get "desert"????

oh, 04, you would miss hooters a lil too much...is that what you're saying?? jk

[Phil C]

Originally posted by District303aPastPlayer
in fairness... their total gates for the entire year total just the football season. i believe...

That is right District and that just means we all need to get out and go to these women's sporting events doesn't it?

[pirate44]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
i'm sorry RD80 but i just don't get it...mom-a lil help here!!!
and yet another entry in favor of the guys in the battle of the sexes:clap:

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by pirate44
and yet another entry in favor of the guys in the battle of the sexes:clap:

44 hush! i'm sick, i'm allowed to be a little ditzy...then again, i'm blonde too!!! :p

[pirate44]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
44 hush! i'm sick, i'm allowed to be a little ditzy...then again, i'm blonde too!!! :p
and yet ANOTHER entry in favor of the guys in the battle of the sexes:clap:

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by pirate44
and yet ANOTHER entry in favor of the guys in the battle of the sexes:clap:

:( just explain it to me :( i can't take this anymore...i may get emotional....then again, i'm giving y'all more ammo!!! :doh:

[pirate44]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
:( just explain it to me :( i can't take this anymore...i may get emotional....then again, i'm giving y'all more ammo!!! :doh:
look at the ipod thread 1 more time

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by pirate44
look at the ipod thread 1 more time

i owe everything i know to p44 :rolleyes:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
i'm sorry RD80 but i just don't get it...mom-a lil help here!!!

Okay Onfire, since these guys are so mean....

remember the part...




"Well I have a question for you then. What would these women think if you didn't see me for a few days?" Says Tom.

blah, blah, blah So the first day goes by...Followed by the second...And then the third day goes by and she still does not see her husband Tom....


But on the fourth day she could see him a little bit out of her right eye....



Okay, now do you get it....he gave her two black eyes and that's why she couldn't see him.....


I know, it's really not funny and we shouldn't have to battle wits with people that are unarmed..........:D

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Okay Onfire, since these guys are so mean....

remember the part...




"Well I have a question for you then. What would these women think if you didn't see me for a few days?" Says Tom.

blah, blah, blah So the first day goes by...Followed by the second...And then the third day goes by and she still does not see her husband Tom....


But on the fourth day she could see him a little bit out of her right eye....



Okay, now do you get it....he gave her two black eyes and that's why she couldn't see him.....


I know, it's really not funny and we shouldn't have to battle wits with people that are unarmed..........:D

Thanks, Mom! I was just not understanding...told it to a bunch of guys, they didn't get it either...that made me feel better! :D

[rockdale80]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Okay Onfire, since these guys are so mean....

remember the part...




"Well I have a question for you then. What would these women think if you didn't see me for a few days?" Says Tom.

blah, blah, blah So the first day goes by...Followed by the second...And then the third day goes by and she still does not see her husband Tom....


But on the fourth day she could see him a little bit out of her right eye....



Okay, now do you get it....he gave her two black eyes and that's why she couldn't see him.....


I know, it's really not funny and we shouldn't have to battle wits with people that are unarmed..........:D

so how many guys did you have to ask before you understood it?
:kiss:

[pirate44]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
i owe everything i know to p44 :rolleyes:
i know what you're thinking, but im happily married:D

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by rockdale80
so how many guys did you have to ask before you understood it?
:kiss:

ouch, only one- p44
none of the guys understood it!
Now they get it...haha

:eek: 44

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by pirate44
i know what you're thinking, but im happily married:D

Poor SPF25. :p ;)

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Poor SPF25. :p ;)

lol we must be supportive tho!

[pirate44]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Poor SPF25. :p ;)
i'll be the first to say i got the better end of the deal

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by pirate44
i'll be the first to say i got the better end of the deal

Beating her to saying it is always a good move. :evillaugh :evillaugh

[pirate44]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Beating her to saying it is always a good move. :evillaugh :evillaugh
i was for sure after what i said, all the women on the board would say "aww..how sweet. i wish my husband was more like you"

but NOOO...leave it to LHPM for putting an "in your face" spin to it. someone had a nice big bowl of smart @ss this morning.:D

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate44
i was for sure after what i said, all the women on the board would say "aww..how sweet. i wish my husband was more like you"

but NOOO...



LOL...LOL...LOL


This is the Battle of the Sexes Thread, remember?

still laughing......:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
LOL...LOL...LOL


This is the Battle of the Sexes Thread, remember?

still laughing......:evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh
well, thats what my wife would say.

did i ever tell you how smart she is too?

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by pirate44
well, thats what my wife would say.

did i ever tell you how smart she is too?


You just made me spit on my keyboard....STOP IT!:D :D :D

[onfirebball05mustang]

lol p44 going for brownie points are we???:D

[pirate44]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
lol p44 going for brownie points are we???:D
you and i both know there is no such things as "Brownie Points"

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by pirate44
you and i both know there is no such things as "Brownie Points"

wishful thinking on your part lol i must go find the point system again, i know it's been posted on the dlow before!

[pirate44]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
wishful thinking on your part lol i must go find the point system again, i know it's been posted on the dlow before!
someday youll be married and know what i mean

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by pirate44
but NOOO...leave it to LHPM for putting an "in your face" spin to it. someone had a nice big bowl of smart @ss this morning.:D

I do have a reputation to uphold, ya know. :D

[Bandera YaYa]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
I do have a reputation to uphold, ya know. :D And you are upholding it very well!!! :D

[jason]

A beer is better than a woman - courtesy of Rodney Carrington

A beer is much better than a woman, I’ll tell you why i’m right
A beer will not get mad if I stay out and drink all night
A beer will go down easy, a beer is allways wet
Do I want a wife? No thanks! Another beer? You bet!

A beer won’t fake a headache, a beer won’t tell me “stop”
A beer will not get angry when try to take off it’s top
A beer won’t call me selfish, a beer will understand
If one night I prefer to have it the can

I love my beer, let it be said
I guarantee if you pour it right you’ll allways get good head
I love my beer, there is no doubt
If beer goes flat, just toss it out

A beer is much better than a woman, now this is understood
You don’t have to wash a beer to make it taste real good
A beer won’t get premenstrual, each month of the year
And I won’t pay allemony if I decide to dump my beer

I still drink beer, I’ll never quit
When a beer is getting pissed it’ll never throw a fit
Is that beer cold, hell I don’t mind
A fridged beer is the best kind

I love my beer, let it be said
I guarantee if you pour it right you’ll allways get good head
I love my beer, there is no doubt
If beer goes flat, just toss it out
If beer goes flat, just toss it out

Now give me another beer baby and shut up!

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[panther power]

lol

[pirate44]

Originally posted by panther power
lol
panther power, ive been looking for that clip of Quentin Coryatt forever. thanks for posting that to your sig.:thumbsup:

[AggieJohn]

God bless the hit

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by onfirebball05mustang
44 hush! i'm sick, i'm allowed to be a little ditzy...then again, i'm blonde too!!! :p
i'm not blonde and i didn't get it either....

[rockdale80]

Originally posted by BHKrystal06
i'm not blonde and i didn't get it either....

well there went your excuse for ignorance:D :D

[AP Panther Fan]

Subject: Redneck Men


Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole, " said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. Ain't that just like a dumb woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!


:D :D :D

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Subject: Redneck Men


Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole, " said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. Ain't that just like a dumb woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!


:D :D :D
i had to laugh at that one AP. its not a knock on men, just rednecks:D

[LH Panther Mom]

Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December, 1992.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car

[pirate44]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December, 1992.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car
by the way, what gender person do you reckon changed the oil at that jiffy lube?:thinking:

[superslyguy06]

Why do women have such small feet?. . . so they can stand closer to the stove!

[superslyguy06]

How do you find the "Perfect Woman"?. . .




























go to a department store and ask for a manikin.

[Bandera YaYa]

Originally posted by pirate44
by the way, what gender person do you reckon changed the oil at that jiffy lube?:thinking: It's of no concern to us women, who does it! :D :D :p

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by superslyguy06
Why do women have such small feet?. . . so they can stand closer to the stove!

:foul: :foul: :foul:

[Bandera YaYa]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
:foul: :foul: :foul: Seems like men are making fun of the things they enjoy us doing for them........which can stop at any given moment, you know...... :evillaugh :evillaugh :wave:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bandera YaYa
Seems like men are making fun of the things they enjoy us doing for them........which can stop at any given moment, you know...... :evillaugh :evillaugh :wave:


We are supposed to cook????:thinking:

I never have been very good at following the rules.;)