Tuesday Humor...

[AP Panther Fan]

FUNERAL PROCESSION

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when
she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on
her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two
women.

" Can I borrow the dog?"

" Get in line."

[pirate44]

.

[Bullaholic]

AP, now you know that joke was originally told with a woman as the deceased don't you? Anyhow, I'll bet you it was a much longer line for the woman. :D

[pirate44]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP, now you know that joke was originally told with a woman as the deceased don't you? Anyhow, I'll bet you it was a much longer line for the woman. :D
lol

[pirate44]

i needed some humor today. this day is soooo slow.:D

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP, now you know that joke was originally told with a woman as the deceased don't you? Anyhow, I'll bet you it was a much longer line for the woman. :D

I wouldn't bet on that....:D

Not enough of the ladies on today to give me moral support. LHPM, RM, 44inarow, CHS_CG, FootballMom.....where are you when I need you!:D :D :D

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I wouldn't bet on that....:D

Not enough of the ladies on today to give me moral support. LHPM, RM, 44inarow, CHS_CG, FootballMom.....where are you when I need you!:D :D :D


AP....G2 and I were prototyping the "perfect" female companion for men. We decided that she should be 3 ft. tall, stacked, deaf and mute, with a flat head that you can sit your beer on.....:D

( I was holding off until later when I could get 66's support on this---but maybe with a lot of the ladies offline this morning I can survive it.)

[HornetMom]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I wouldn't bet on that....:D

Not enough of the ladies on today to give me moral support. LHPM, RM, 44inarow, CHS_CG, FootballMom.....where are you when I need you!:D :D :D

At this time of the morning, you know CHS_CG is still is bed. :eek:

[jason]

Originally posted by HornetMom
At this time of the morning, you know CHS_CG is still is bed. :eek: go wake her lazy @$$ up, you can tell her i approved it....

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I wouldn't bet on that....:D

Not enough of the ladies on today to give me moral support. LHPM, RM, 44inarow, CHS_CG, FootballMom.....where are you when I need you!:D :D :D

I feel your pain AP FAN... :) - :hairpunk: :eek: :mad:

searching for the appropriate comeback for the "men" .. might take a while lol lol

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP....G2 and I were prototyping the "perfect" female companion for men. We decided that she should be 3 ft. tall, stacked, deaf and mute, with a flat head that you can sit your beer on.....:D

( I was holding off until later when I could get 66's support on this---but maybe with a lot of the ladies offline this morning I can survive it.)

hhmmm now I REALLY have my thinking cap on :D :D

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP....G2 and I were prototyping the "perfect" female companion for men. We decided that she should be 3 ft. tall, stacked, deaf and mute, with a flat head that you can sit your beer on.....:D

( I was holding off until later when I could get 66's support on this---but maybe with a lot of the ladies offline this morning I can survive it.)

ouch..that's just wrong:hand:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP....G2 and I were prototyping the "perfect" female companion for men. We decided that she should be 3 ft. tall, stacked, deaf and mute, with a flat head that you can sit your beer on.....:D

( I was holding off until later when I could get 66's support on this---but maybe with a lot of the ladies offline this morning I can survive it.)

Those are fighting words.....I can't wait!:eek: :mad: I don't think this thread will be slipping to page 2 anytime soon.:D

Hornet Mom, your daughter has had enough beauty sleep....her assistance is needed!:D

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
her assistance is needed!:D ha, with me being on top of my game, the chicks stand no chance....

now, where that 3 foot tall, hott, mute chick with my beer.....she better not make me go midget-tossing with her again.....:evillaugh

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by jason
ha, with me being on top of my game, the chicks stand no chance....

now, where that 3 foot tall, hott, mute chick with my beer.....she better not make me go midget-tossing with her again.....:evillaugh

DAYUM I picked a bad day to be busy at work :( but I will be checking in regularly on the status of this thread :eek: :eek: :eek: at least it will be some good reading:D

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by jason
ha, with me being on top of my game, the chicks stand no chance....

You just think you are having a good day! :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
You just think you are having a good day! :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

TOUCHE':clap:

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by jason
ha, with me being on top of my game, the chicks stand no chance....

now, where that 3 foot tall, hott, mute chick with my beer.....she better not make me go midget-tossing with her again.....:evillaugh


jason, I think our leading universities should offer female "mud wrestling" scholarships, don't you?

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
jason, I think our leading universities should offer female "mud wrestling" scholarships, don't you?

stadium receipts would probably double and once again, you guys would have to be grateful! :D

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
I think our leading universities should offer female "mud wrestling" scholarships

i'll agree with that if i can be the referee :D

[jason]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
jason, I think our leading universities should offer female "mud wrestling" scholarships, don't you? no, not mud...thats too dark and would cover the goodies...they should use k.y. jelly....

YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE..............

[big daddy russ]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP....G2 and I were prototyping the "perfect" female companion for men. We decided that she should be 3 ft. tall, stacked, deaf and mute, with a flat head that you can sit your beer on.....:D

( I was holding off until later when I could get 66's support on this---but maybe with a lot of the ladies offline this morning I can survive it.) Have you been listening to Jason Boland?

[CHS_Grad '85]

http://www.nordinho.com/vbull/images/smilies/offtopic1.gif

Get back to the "HUMOR" portion of this thread... lol

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_Grad '85
http://www.nordinho.com/vbull/images/smilies/offtopic1.gif

Get back to the "HUMOR" portion of this thread... lol hey, funny geniuses, such as myself, cant just come out and say something that is expected to make senior citizens, such as yourself, laugh....it aint that easy......


:kiss:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by jason
hey, funny geniuses, such as myself, cant just come out and say something that is expected to make senior citizens, such as yourself, laugh....it aint that easy......


:kiss:



That hole your digging sure is getting deeper and deeper!

http://www.kit.netpoets.net/ohbrother.gif

[44INAROW]

hey, funny geniuses, such as myself, cant just come out and say something that is expected to make senior citizens, such as yourself, laugh....it aint that easy......



oh dear,, pick your feet up girls.. it's getting deep now:inlove: :cool: :cool: :doh:

[SintonFan]

Aww man, I wonder what the odds are that this thread will reach 50 before lunch? I'll give 5 to 3...

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by 44INAROW
oh dear,, pick your feet up girls.. it's getting deep now:inlove: :cool: :cool: :doh:

LOL....yes, they are going to have to stand on that 3' midgets head to see daylight before long! :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

[onfirebball05mustang]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
LOL....yes, they are going to have to stand on that 3' midgets head to see daylight before long! :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

uh-oh..watch out jason...them's fightin' words..:evilgrin:

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
LOL....yes, they are going to have to stand on that 3' midgets head to see daylight before long! :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh speaking of midgets, wheres chs_cg, im ready for a cold one

[JasperDog94]

Originally posted by jason
YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE.............. I love that line.:D

[jason]

Originally posted by JasperDog94
I love that line.:D geez, you should be concentrating on the KY Jelly wrestling match, not the movie quote.....you are no longer a man.....

:D

[JasperDog94]

I just happen to really like Will Ferrell...in a manly guy "punch to the shoulder" sort of way.;)

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by jason
speaking of midgets, wheres chs_cg, im ready for a cold one

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
LOL....yes, they are going to have to stand on that 3' midgets head to see daylight before long! :evillaugh :evillaugh :evillaugh

nice one :clap: :clap:

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by jason
speaking of midgets, wheres chs_cg, im ready for a cold one

:eek: Obviously someone hasn't faced the wrath of a pregnant woman! If those hormones get to flying, she could probably take you out in two seconds...tops!

:D

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
:eek: Obviously someone hasn't faced the wrath of a pregnant woman! If those hormones get to flying, she could probably take you out in two seconds...tops!

:D nah...i own her, she knows better than to mess with the WRATH OF JASON

[AP Panther Fan]

I can't believe she is sleeping through this!

[jason]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I can't believe she is sleeping through this! its probably for the best, she would be defenseless....

[AP Panther Fan]

Guess who's online....you've had it now!:cool:

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
nah...i own her, she knows better than to mess with the WRATH OF JASON

1) I have been up since like 10 or 9:30 just been watchin tv and fillin out something..

SECOND... JASON... :mad: :mad: :foul: :flamingma you just think you own me.. you are just mad bc Ranger Mom owns you! and after this past weekend you DONT NEED A COLD ONE!

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

you wanna be on the list next buddy??

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
1) I have been up since like 10 or 9:30 just been watchin tv and fillin out something..

SECOND... JASON... :mad: :mad: :foul: :flamingma you just think you own me.. you are just mad bc Ranger Mom owns you! and after this past weekend you DONT NEED A COLD ONE! i love listening to you talk...its brings back memories of watching Charlie Brown and listening to his teacher

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
i love listening to you talk...its brings back memories of watching Charlie Brown and listening to his teacher

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH


lol you crack me up..... dont make me bring up ur comment that is in my profile u made last night....

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by jason
i love listening to you talk...its brings back memories of watching Charlie Brown and listening to his teacher

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Okay....I have to admit that was funny! Dangerous, but funny!:D

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
lol you crack me up..... dont make me bring up ur comment that is in my profile u made last night.... i aint skurred....i have the web cam to prove that statement false....

:D :D :D

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
i aint skurred....i have the web cam to prove that statement false....

:D :D :D
yeah yeah yeah


Thats one thing we all dont wanna see!

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
yeah yeah yeah


Thats one thing we all dont wanna see! thats not what you told me on the phone last night....

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
thats not what you told me on the phone last night....


Please I wouldnt call you ..or what to see that.. ifyou and i were the last people on earth and human race depended on us!

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
Please I wouldnt call you ..or what to see that.. ifyou and i were the last people on earth and human race depended on us! ok, im gonna have to pull out my archived aim chats......

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
you wanna be on the list next buddy??

i have to give credit when it is due, and that was funny.

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
ok, im gonna have to pull out my archived aim chats......


I would pull out mine also.. but have the crap i have saved that you say.. would get me ROM'd for puttin in on the forum!

[District303aPastPlayer]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
I would pull out mine also.. but have the crap i have saved that you say.. would get me ROM'd for puttin in on the forum!

damn...

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by District303aPastPlayer
damn...

lol:D :D

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
I would pull out mine also.. but have the crap i have saved that you say.. would get me ROM'd for puttin in on the forum!

crap just when it was getting good too:devil:

[Bullaholic]

On Monday, Jan. 31, my wife and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary, so I feel like I am qualified to offer up a few pieces of advice to the young men on the subject of women:

1. If you take your wife to a fast food restaurant and you order fries and she doesn't----order her some anyway, because she will end up eating half of yours because she thinks they are only fattening if she orders some---YOURS are not.

2. If she asks you which of two dresses looks the best to wear--beware!--she already has in mind which one is the "correct" choice and you had better pick the one she has in mind.

3. Never, ever, listen to her when she says--"Don't get me anything--we can't afford it", because if you take her advice and don't, you will be hearing about it for the next 20 years or so in subtle comments. Buy something--anything-- and get an "X" in the square on this one.

4. Never believe it when you take her to the shopping center and she says---"I'll just be a minute, I have to pickup a couple of things." Find a bar or bring a hand-held tv or book and if you decide to wait in the car for her---pack a lunch---you may actually starve to death before she gets back.

5. Never tell a woman the actual time you are supposed to both be somewhere---tell her an hour earlier than the appointment actually is---you may stand a chance of getting there on time that way.

6. Never give her clothing that you pick out for a gift. If it is too small--she thinks you are telling her she is getting fat. If it is too large, then she thinks you are trying to tell her she is a "large" woman. You will never pick the right color or style either.

7. Buy one of those toddler play-drving sets complete with steering wheel and pedals and put it on her side of the car so she can "act out" what she is going to be telling you about your driving.

(Actually, this is posted in jest, with some root in fact--my wife and I were high school sweethearts who went together for 5 years before we were married, and I enjoy her company each day of our lives together.)

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
I would pull out mine also.. but have the crap i have saved that you say.. would get me ROM'd for puttin in on the forum! i got the juevos to do it if you do.....you know i aint skurred....

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
Please I wouldnt call you ..or what to see that.. ifyou and i were the last people on earth and human race depended on us!

Woo hoo....you go girl!:D

[District303aPastPlayer]

huevos*

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
(Actually, this is posted in jest, with some root in fact--my wife and I were high school sweethearts who went together for 5 years before we were married, and I enjoy her company each day of our lives together.)

Bet she doesn't know you are in the market for a 3' midget to serve you your beverages!:rolleyes: :D

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic

(Actually, this is posted in jest, with some root in fact--my wife and I were high school sweethearts who went together for 5 years before we were married, and I enjoy her company each day of our lives together.)

5 years, what took so long,:D me and my wife dated for 2 months before we got married. it's been the best 13 years of her life so far :)

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
it's been the best 13 years of her life so far :)


arrrggghhh.....:mad:

[big daddy russ]

Originally posted by SintonFan
Aww man, I wonder what the odds are that this thread will reach 50 before lunch? I'll give 5 to 3... 61 right now.

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
Bet she doesn't know you are in the market for a 3' midget to serve you your beverages!:rolleyes: :D


LMAO:clap:

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
AP, now you know that joke was originally told with a woman as the deceased don't you? Anyhow, I'll bet you it was a much longer line for the woman. :D

Oh, puleeze! The only way the line would be longer is because none of the husband's friends could be bothered to stop to ask directions to the cemetary! :D


Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
I wouldn't bet on that....:D

Not enough of the ladies on today to give me moral support. LHPM, RM, 44inarow, CHS_CG, FootballMom.....where are you when I need you!:D :D :D

Don't worry.....I've got your back. ;)

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by jason
i love listening to you talk...its brings back memories of watching Charlie Brown and listening to his teacher

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Goodness! I had no idea you had met my mother-in-law! :eek: But IF you insist on quoting her, could you at least get it right? It's not BLAH BLAH BLAH...the exact words are WAH WAH, WAH WAH WAH WAH.

*Disclaimer - my husband is actually the one who started calling my MIL "WAH WAH".* (Never to her face, of course. :D )

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
On Monday, Jan. 31, my wife and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary, so I feel like I am qualified to offer up a few pieces of advice to the young men on the subject of women:

1. If you take your wife to a fast food restaurant and you order fries and she doesn't----order her some anyway, because she will end up eating half of yours because she thinks they are only fattening if she orders some---YOURS are not.

2. If she asks you which of two dresses looks the best to wear--beware!--she already has in mind which one is the "correct" choice and you had better pick the one she has in mind.

3. Never, ever, listen to her when she says--"Don't get me anything--we can't afford it", because if you take her advice and don't, you will be hearing about it for the next 20 years or so in subtle comments. Buy something--anything-- and get an "X" in the square on this one.

4. Never believe it when you take her to the shopping center and she says---"I'll just be a minute, I have to pickup a couple of things." Find a bar or bring a hand-held tv or book and if you decide to wait in the car for her---pack a lunch---you may actually starve to death before she gets back.

5. Never tell a woman the actual time you are supposed to both be somewhere---tell her an hour earlier than the appointment actually is---you may stand a chance of getting there on time that way.

6. Never give her clothing that you pick out for a gift. If it is too small--she thinks you are telling her she is getting fat. If it is too large, then she thinks you are trying to tell her she is a "large" woman. You will never pick the right color or style either.

7. Buy one of those toddler play-drving sets complete with steering wheel and pedals and put it on her side of the car so she can "act out" what she is going to be telling you about your driving.

(Actually, this is posted in jest, with some root in fact--my wife and I were high school sweethearts who went together for 5 years before we were married, and I enjoy her company each day of our lives together.)

:thinking: Did you happen to learn these lessons the "hard way"? :D I would be billing to bet money that you know the correct answer to the question "Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?", don't you? ;)

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
[B answer to the question "Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?", don't you? ;) [/B]

here's some advice on this one. don't ever ask "big compared to what?". you most likely won't like her response. :D

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
:thinking: Did you happen to learn these lessons the "hard way"? :D I would be billing to bet money that you know the correct answer to the question "Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?", don't you? ;)

LHPMom....Do you remember 66's classic comment on this?---"The pants have absolutely nothing to do with it." And yes---these lessons were all learned the "hard" way before I grew older and wiser. :D

[pirate44]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
here's some advice on this one. don't ever ask "big compared to what?". you most likely won't like her response. :D
LOL

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
LHPMom....Do you remember 66's classic comment on this?---"The pants have absolutely nothing to do with it." And yes---these lessons were all learned the "hard" way before I grew older and wiser. :D

Yes, I do remember him saying that, which is why I'm convinced that he's not on this thread helping you guys out. ;)

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
here's some advice on this one. don't ever ask "big compared to what?". you most likely won't like her response. :D


In the words of Mary kate and Ashley off of Full house.. 'Well DUH!!!'

[Bullaholic]

LHPMom...My wife and I were pulling weeds in the yard the other day and she walked over and kicked me in the butt as I was bending over. I asked her---"What was that for?". She answered--"That was for being a lousy lover for the last 35 years." A few minutes later, I walked over and kicked her in the butt as she was bending over and she asked--"Now what was that for?", I replied--"For knowing the damned difference." :)

[HighSchool Fan]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

excellant Bullaholic

[44INAROW]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
LHPMom...My wife and I were pulling weeds in the yard the other day and she walked over and kicked me in the butt as I was bending over. I asked her---"What was that for?". She answered--"That was for being a lousy lover for the last 35 years." A few minutes later, I walked over and kicked her in the butt as she was bending over and she asked--"Now what was that for?", I replied--"For knowing the damned difference." :)

ROFLMAO :clap: :clap: :clap:

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
LHPMom...My wife and I were pulling weeds in the yard the other day and she walked over and kicked me in the butt as I was bending over. I asked her---"What was that for?". She answered--"That was for being a lousy lover for the last 35 years." A few minutes later, I walked over and kicked her in the butt as she was bending over and she asked--"Now what was that for?", I replied--"For knowing the damned difference." :)

aww love is soo cute













::gags::

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
Oh, puleeze! The only way the line would be longer is because none of the husband's friends could be bothered to stop to ask directions to the cemetary! :D



Don't worry.....I've got your back. ;)


:clap: :clap: :clap: Good one! Thank God you showed up!:D

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
:clap: :clap: :clap: Good one! Thank God you showed up!:D

Not fair AP---you gals ran a "ringer" in on us--LHPMom is "pro", she grew up around too many men and should not be allowed to contribute to this thread.

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Not fair AP---you gals ran a "ringer" in on us--LHPMom is "pro", she grew up around too many men and should not be allowed to contribute to this thread.


You know what they say about fair....that's where you sell your pigs, rabbits and chickens.


ahhhhh....isn't it great knowing the right people? Do I detect a little fear in your last post?:D

[JasperDog94]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
3. Never, ever, listen to her when she says--"Don't get me anything--we can't afford it", because if you take her advice and don't, you will be hearing about it for the next 20 years or so in subtle comments. Buy something--anything-- and get an "X" in the square on this one.
This little tid-bit of info would have really helped...HAD I HEARD IT 5 MONTHS AGO.:doh:

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by JasperDog94
This little tid-bit of info would have really helped...HAD I HEARD IT 5 MONTHS AGO.:doh:


Wish I could have been of service sooner, JDog94. And to think all my troubles started over 40 years ago just because I called 1 little phone number written on the wall in the boy's bathroom....:D

(Sure hard to type 1 handed while covering up the monitor with the other...I just got to get a "bell" for my wife's necklace.)

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Wish I could have been of service sooner, JDog94. And to think all my troubles started over 40 years ago just because I called 1 little phone number written on the wall in the boy's bathroom....:D

(Sure hard to type 1 handed while covering up the monitor with the other...I just got to get a "bell" for my wife's necklace.)


i hope she hits u on the head with something lol

[AP Panther Fan]

Originally posted by JasperDog94
This little tid-bit of info would have really helped...HAD I HEARD IT 5 MONTHS AGO.:doh:

LOL....

Here's a few more...

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
------------------------------------------
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
------------------------------------------
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker
commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
----------------------------------------------
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!
----------------------------------------------

[onfirebball05mustang]

old and wise after young and stupid....man has this thread grown while i've been gone!:thumbsup:

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
Wish I could have been of service sooner, JDog94. And to think all my troubles started over 40 years ago just because I called 1 little phone number written on the wall in the boy's bathroom....:D

(Sure hard to type 1 handed while covering up the monitor with the other...I just got to get a "bell" for my wife's necklace.)

we have a race now. who's digging their hole faster, jason, when he was talking about chs_cg this morning, or Bullaholic, who probably has a big knot on his head from his wife about now:D

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
we have a race now. who's digging their hole faster, jason, when he was talking about chs_cg this morning, or Bullaholic, who probably has a big knot on his head from his wife about now:D

i vote jason.. hes been raggin on me since b4 he met me!

[Ranger Mom]

Somewhere along the way, I got confused as to what I was supposed to be defending.

It looks like the girls are kicking the boys butts and making them like it!!

GIRL POWER!!:D

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
Somewhere along the way, I got confused as to what I was supposed to be defending.

It looks like the girls are kicking the boys butts and making them like it!!

GIRL POWER!!:D

And so it has been since time began, RM....some things just never seem to change.

[jason]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
kicking the boys butts and making them like it!!
thats not always a bad thing :D :D

a little 'fun violence' never hurt anybody...

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
thats not always a bad thing :D :D

a little 'fun violence' never hurt anybody...


how did i know that would be coming from you?!

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
how did i know that would be coming from you?! because you know me so well because you stalk me and know everything about me....


...which is perfectly ok....

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by jason
thats not always a bad thing :D :D

a little 'fun violence' never hurt anybody...

just remember, what sometimes might be fun to them, may not be fun to you, i.e. whip marks all over your body. :o

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by jason
because you know me so well because you stalk me and know everything about me....


...which is perfectly ok....

Please.. you were the one sayin u know things about me that I dont know you know...

which ISNT ok...











stalker!

[LH Panther Mom]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
just remember, what sometimes might be fun to them, may not be fun to you, i.e. whip marks all over your body. :o

And yet another man who learned the hard way. :D

[CHS_CG]

Originally posted by LH Panther Mom
And yet another man who learned the hard way. :D

lol:D

[jason]

Originally posted by CHS_CG
Please.. you were the one sayin u know things about me that I dont know you know... but i know everything, so its ok...

[jason]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
just remember, what sometimes might be fun to them, may not be fun to you, i.e. whip marks all over your body. :o eh, the marks go away quick, they're not that bad...what sucks is the bumps you get from a ping pong paddle, that thing stings...

[Bullaholic]

Originally posted by jason
eh, the marks go away quick, they're not that bad...what sucks is the bumps you get from a ping pong paddle, that thing stings...

Somehow, I'm gonna guess that you got more than your fair share of paddling on your way up, jason. I'll bet 3Afan ain't done with you in that dept. ...seems like he still gives you a little "attitude adjustment" every now and then.

[HighSchool Fan]

Originally posted by jason
eh, the marks go away quick, they're not that bad...what sucks is the bumps you get from a ping pong paddle, that thing stings...

if you think the ping pong paddles are worse, you must still be messin with young en's :D

[jason]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
if you think the ping pong paddles are worse, you must still be messin with young en's :D lol...dont go there......:hand: :hand:



:D :D :D

[AP Panther Fan]

The preacher's, Sunday sermon was, "Forgive Your Enemies." Toward the end of the service, he asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven their enemies?"

About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. All responded, except one small elderly lady

"Mrs. Jones," inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?

"Ninety-three," she replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are! Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

"I outlived the b****es."

[pirate44]

Originally posted by AP Panther Fan
The preacher's, Sunday sermon was, "Forgive Your Enemies." Toward the end of the service, he asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven their enemies?"

About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. All responded, except one small elderly lady

"Mrs. Jones," inquired the preacher, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?

"Ninety-three," she replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are! Would you please come down in front of this congregation and tell us all how a person can live ninety-three years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

"I outlived the b****es."
LOL

[BHKrystal06]

Originally posted by HighSchool Fan
if you think the ping pong paddles are worse, you must still be messin with young en's :D
lol

[SintonFan]

Originally posted by Bullaholic
On Monday, Jan. 31, my wife and I will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary, so I feel like I am qualified to offer up a few pieces of advice to the young men on the subject of women:

1. If you take your wife to a fast food restaurant and you order fries and she doesn't----order her some anyway, because she will end up eating half of yours because she thinks they are only fattening if she orders some---YOURS are not.

2. If she asks you which of two dresses looks the best to wear--beware!--she already has in mind which one is the "correct" choice and you had better pick the one she has in mind.

3. Never, ever, listen to her when she says--"Don't get me anything--we can't afford it", because if you take her advice and don't, you will be hearing about it for the next 20 years or so in subtle comments. Buy something--anything-- and get an "X" in the square on this one.

4. Never believe it when you take her to the shopping center and she says---"I'll just be a minute, I have to pickup a couple of things." Find a bar or bring a hand-held tv or book and if you decide to wait in the car for her---pack a lunch---you may actually starve to death before she gets back.

5. Never tell a woman the actual time you are supposed to both be somewhere---tell her an hour earlier than the appointment actually is---you may stand a chance of getting there on time that way.

6. Never give her clothing that you pick out for a gift. If it is too small--she thinks you are telling her she is getting fat. If it is too large, then she thinks you are trying to tell her she is a "large" woman. You will never pick the right color or style either.

7. Buy one of those toddler play-drving sets complete with steering wheel and pedals and put it on her side of the car so she can "act out" what she is going to be telling you about your driving.

(Actually, this is posted in jest, with some root in fact--my wife and I were high school sweethearts who went together for 5 years before we were married, and I enjoy her company each day of our lives together.)
.
Replying to:
1. Absolute truth there.;)
2. I just tell here "I'm not gay so how would I know?"
3. We just bought that classic curio she's been eyeing for awhile. Now cuz it's 50% off I win and she wins. LOL It only took 6 months for the damn thing to be red-tagged.
4. This is the only reason "As seen on TV", Outdoor America(or it's many clones), and Sony factory stores exist in the first place. Might as well go into a shop you like with your 10 yr old boy, too.
5. I learned this 12 years ago when we were just engaged.:inlove:
6. If you do buy clothing, make sure it is lingerie. It's OK to buy it a little too small. Then it's easier to...nevermind.;D
7. Aww man! That is just some funny shtuff. Is your wife related to mine?:thinking: I should do this but I bet her Irish side would suddenly become dominant.:) (Then again, that Irish side aint too bad after the big fights :evilgrin: :smoker: )