sinton66
02-07-2003, 07:34 AM
Saw this on another site and got a chuckle out of it:
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
Truths That Adults Have Learned:
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
26. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
27. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
28. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
29. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
30. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground.
31. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
32. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
33. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.
Feel free to contribute your own truths that you've learned.
<small>[ February 07, 2003, 06:38 AM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
Truths That Adults Have Learned:
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
26. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
27. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
28. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
29. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
30. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground.
31. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
32. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
33. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.
Feel free to contribute your own truths that you've learned.
<small>[ February 07, 2003, 06:38 AM: Message edited by: sinton66 ]</small>