rockdale80
12-20-2004, 01:43 PM
More funnies.....
The 6 levels of hangover
> >
> > 1 star hangover (*)
> > No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep
> > last night was a mere disco nap which has given you a whole
> > lot of
> > misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function
> > relatively well.
> > However,
> > you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel
> > this way. You
> > are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.
> >
> > 2 star hangover (**)
> > No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You
> > may look okay but you have
> > the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee
> > you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which
> > is
> > craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast
> > from IHOP. There
> > is
> > some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
> >
> > 3 star hangover (***)
> > Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are
> > definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag
> > because her
> > perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your
> > alcoholic
> > friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be
> > better
> > right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a
> > meatball hero
> > watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
> > gallon of
> > water,
> > 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke-yet you haven't peed once.
> >
> > 4 star hangover (****)
> > Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't
> > speak too quickly or else you might puke.
> > Your boss has already lambasted you
> > for being late and has given you a lecture for
> > reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
> > can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial
> > spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your
> > make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your
> > eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes
> > you look like a reject from the class picture of
> > Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84.
> >
> > 5 star hangover,(*****) aka "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
> > You have a second heartbeat in your head which
> > is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.
> > Vodka
> > vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You
> > still have
> > toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing
> > your teeth in an
> > attempt to get the remnants of the sh%$ fairy out. Your body
> > has lost the
> > ability
> > to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death
> > seems
> > pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you
> > were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there
> > is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise
> > empty house.
> >
> > 6 star hangover (******) Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut
> > smacker
> > "You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you
> > look at
> > the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your
> > cheek is the
> > bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing
> > how your
> > roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to getup
> > before you.
> > You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you
> > inadvertently turn
> > Your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of
> > cigarettes in
> > your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not
> > ultra
> > lights...some
> > jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them
> > like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror
> > only to
> > see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your
> > forehead......the stamp on the back of your hand that has
> > magically appeared
> > on your
> > forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in
> > t-minus 14 minutes
> > and
> > 32seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your
> > "hello kitty"
> > pajamas
> > and your slippers.
The 6 levels of hangover
> >
> > 1 star hangover (*)
> > No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep
> > last night was a mere disco nap which has given you a whole
> > lot of
> > misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function
> > relatively well.
> > However,
> > you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel
> > this way. You
> > are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.
> >
> > 2 star hangover (**)
> > No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You
> > may look okay but you have
> > the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee
> > you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which
> > is
> > craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast
> > from IHOP. There
> > is
> > some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
> >
> > 3 star hangover (***)
> > Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are
> > definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag
> > because her
> > perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your
> > alcoholic
> > friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be
> > better
> > right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a
> > meatball hero
> > watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
> > gallon of
> > water,
> > 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke-yet you haven't peed once.
> >
> > 4 star hangover (****)
> > Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't
> > speak too quickly or else you might puke.
> > Your boss has already lambasted you
> > for being late and has given you a lecture for
> > reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that
> > can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial
> > spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your
> > make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your
> > eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes
> > you look like a reject from the class picture of
> > Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84.
> >
> > 5 star hangover,(*****) aka "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
> > You have a second heartbeat in your head which
> > is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.
> > Vodka
> > vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You
> > still have
> > toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing
> > your teeth in an
> > attempt to get the remnants of the sh%$ fairy out. Your body
> > has lost the
> > ability
> > to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death
> > seems
> > pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you
> > were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there
> > is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise
> > empty house.
> >
> > 6 star hangover (******) Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut
> > smacker
> > "You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you
> > look at
> > the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your
> > cheek is the
> > bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing
> > how your
> > roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to getup
> > before you.
> > You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you
> > inadvertently turn
> > Your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of
> > cigarettes in
> > your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not
> > ultra
> > lights...some
> > jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them
> > like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror
> > only to
> > see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your
> > forehead......the stamp on the back of your hand that has
> > magically appeared
> > on your
> > forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in
> > t-minus 14 minutes
> > and
> > 32seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your
> > "hello kitty"
> > pajamas
> > and your slippers.